Kind of Lost In Space
by Red Witch
Summary: The further adventures of Zim, Dib, Gaz, Gir, Minimoose, an attention starved computer and a pig. What will they find out in space? What will happen to them? MADNESS! LOTS AND LOTS OF MADNESS!
1. Here There Be Idiots

**The disclaimer telling all of you that I don't own any Invader Zim characters have gone off somewhere to cause some trouble. Since I have a lot of mini stories in my InvaderZ I've decided to put them into one larger fic to make it easier for me. Don't know where this is going but it will be fun getting there. Oh yes I do. It's going straight to madness. MADNESS! MADNESS PEOPLE! THIS IS JUST MADNESS! **

**Kind of Lost In Space**

**Chapter 1: Here There Be Idiots **

"Captain Gaz's log," Gaz spoke to the computer in the spaceship she was flying. "Well I've made myself captain because I'm the **only** one around here with half a brain."

"Squeak!" Minimoose squealed as he floated next to Gaz. The tiny brown moose creature with no nose was rather miffed.

"Okay Minimoose, technically you do have a brain and you are smarter than most of the individuals on this ship," Gaz admitted. "Sorry. But the problem is you don't have opposable thumbs. That's kind of important to fly a ship with so…"

"Squeak," Minimoose accepted her apology.

"Well what about me? I'm not exactly chopped liver you know?" The Computer said. "I'm not stupid! I could be smart enough to be captain of this ship!"

"Computer, you **are **the ship," Gaz raised an eyebrow.

"Well I am now! Before I was downloaded into Zim's base and before that I was in Zim's Voot Cruiser," The Computer said. "And before that I used to be the main sorting and food packaging machine at a restaurant on Foodcourtia. Until of course Zim stole me and put me in his ship. Because his ship didn't have a computer because the Tallest took it from him after the little incident known as Operation Impending Doom I."

"You used to be a fast food computer?" Gaz blinked. "This explains a lot."

"Before you make any judgments before that I was the main diagnostic computer on the warship Missive Twenty Seven," The Computer huffed. "Until of course Operation Impending Doom I and after that I was sold by my captain to his old army buddy on Foodcourtia. Basically I was the only thing on my ship that survived the destruction and my captain needed some extra credits because his health care plan didn't cover disembowelments."

"I didn't ask for your stupid life story!" Gaz snapped.

"I'm just trying to point out that I am just as qualified to be a captain as you are and I am well versed in a variety of subjects!" The Computer snapped. "I'm not stupid! Just because I'm a machine doesn't mean I'm a mindless pile of screws and bolts and…"

"Oh for crying out loud!" Gaz groaned. "You know the only reason I don't dismantle you is the fact that I need you to keep things going right?"

"Oh yes. Everyone needs me but when I need them do I get the love and encouragement I deserve?" The Computer sobbed. "NO! I HAVE NEEDS TOO!"

"Moving on…If you are listening into this recording you have probably figured out that our computer has the emotional stability of Jell-O in a blender," Gaz groaned. "Which is slightly higher than that of my brother and Zim."

"All I want is a little love and understanding. Is that so much to ask?" The Computer sniffed.

"Okay let's just cut to the chase here and explain to anyone who hears this log that we are currently flying around in outer space after trashing Irk, Earth and a few other planets," Gaz sighed. "And it's only been less than two weeks since that happened. I am making these recordings in order to…"

"YOU ARE SUCH A BIG HEADED SMELLY SMELL!" Zim was heard yelling.

"WELL YOU ARE JUST A DORKY DORKWAD!" Dib yelled back. "WITH EXTRA TOPPINGS OF DORKNESS!"

"Let me introduce the two most annoying people in my life," Gaz grumbled. "One is my stupid idiot brother Dib who is actually an imperfect clone of my father who was never exactly perfect in the first place. The other is Zim, and alien invader that is so stupid an annoying his leaders gave him a fake mission to conquer the Earth. Between the two of them their insanity led to a very real invasion of Earth."

"TAKE THAT ZIM! OWWW!" Dib yelled.

"YOU TAKE THAT DIB! OWWWWW!" Zim screamed.

"It's also worth noting that for some weird reason my brother and Zim are physically and psychologically bonded," Gaz asked. "Even though they are two completely different species. On the other hand they are both almost exactly the same personality wise and are equally annoying which I guess counts for something."

"OW! OW! OW! OW!" Both were heard screaming.

"Basically both Dib and Zim feel each other's pain which to be honest is a bit of a timesaver for me," Gaz went on. "Just have to hit one of them to beat them both up."

"YEOW!" Both were heard screaming at the same time.

"Or they just beat each other up which helps me out as well," Gaz added. "Kind of funny actually. Only good thing about this stupid trip. That and the stuff we stole."

"I'M RIDING A PIG!" Gir whooped as he rode in on Piggy the Pig.

"So in addition to the flying moose and the computer with emotional issues there's my insane brother who keeps drifting back and forth between whiny and psychotic," Gaz went on. "The stupid robot and the even stupider alien we have a pig. That last one seems to be one of the more intelligent as well as clean members of this little gang of maniacs. The only reason I don't throw them all out the air lock is that I need them to do my dirty work for me."

"ZIM DON'T TOUCH THAT BUTTON! YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT IT DOES!" Dib yelled.

"DO NOT TELL ZIM WHAT TO DO! ZIM KNOWS EVERYTHING!" Zim yelled.

The ship suddenly lurched to the side and a loud explosion was heard. "Everything except HOW TO FLY A SPACESHIP!" Dib yelled.

"However I am considering putting an ad in some kind of intergalactic paper as soon as I can figure out how to do that," Gaz winced as the ship fixed itself.

"I'm so happy to be naked!" Gir got off Piggy and started to dance. "Do the Naked Dance!"

"Way to go Zim you nearly flew us into a sun!" Dib snapped.

"Zim meant to do that!"

"Suurreee he did," Dib said sarcastically. "NOT!"

"I'm the one that's actually flying the ship but does _anyone_ thank me?" The Computer muttered. "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Is it so much to ask that I get a little recognition around here? A simple, 'Good Job Computer' or 'Thanks for not letting us die a horrible death'. It that too much to ask?"

"I think it is also worth mentioning that I have now officially named this spaceship the Doom Ship," Gaz added. "For obvious reasons."

"DIE DIB! NOT IF YOU DIE FIRST ZIM! OWWWW!" Both boys could be heard screaming and fighting in the next room.

"I am the captain of this ship of fools," Gaz groaned. "Great. Where's a black hole when you need one?"

**And so the madness begins! Again! **


	2. Everybody Hates Zim

**Everybody Hates Zim**

"Listen you two morons," Gaz snapped after hitting both Zim and Dib on the head. "I don't care about the stupid feud you two have! What I **do** care about is you wrecking this ship and my stuff! And for once my stuff takes second place to something else! Especially since this ship is the only home we have. So if you bozos wreck it you are gonna have to answer to me! GOT IT?"

"Yes Gaz," Dib and Zim said at the same time, duly chastised.

"Yes Gaz! Affirmative!" Gir went into duty mode. But only for a moment. "I WANNA DANCE!" And he did so.

"Oh brother…" Gaz groaned. "Now listen…"

"Warning! Warning! This is a warning here! Several ships are approaching us!" The Computer interrupted. "And they don't look very friendly."

"What makes you say that?" Zim asked.

ZAAAPP!

"The fact that they're firing on us is a clue," The Computer said.

"Oh crap! How did those stupid Planet Jackers find us?" Gaz yelled as she looked out the window.

"They're not Planet Jackers," Zim's eyes narrowed. "One of those ships is an Irken ship. And the others are…"

"They're hailing us," Gaz said. "Computer put it on the monitor."

"Greetings Zim!" The image of several aliens was shown. Two were Irken, one was very short and the other was huge and full of muscles. The smaller Irken was speaking. "I knew this DNA tracking chip would work! I knew it!"

"Do I know you?" Zim blinked.

"Does he know us? Does he **know us**? Is he kidding?" Several aliens yelled. "Is he freaking kidding?"

"You're just the jerk who ruined our lives! That's all!" One tall crystal like female alien shouted.

"Yours too huh?" Gaz sighed. "Join the club."

"Zim, who are these guys and what the hell did you do to them?" Dib shouted.

"Think back to your training on Hobo Thirteen Zim!" A rat like alien shouted. "How you callously used us and selfishly threw us into monsters and giant pits so you could pass your training!"

"And stole our energy using that energy stealing thing on your wrist!" Another alien shouted.

"Yeah and you did that too!" The rat like alien snapped.

"Uh…" Zim blinked.

"Zim you hog wonkle dog slooogie!" The giant Irken warrior screamed. "You're a menace!"

"Oh I remember **now**…" Zim blinked. "These were my team mates back on Hobo Thirteen."

"And I was your Commanding Officer! Until your horrible leadership wrecked my career!" A familiar giant Irken warrior snarled.

"Okay I know your name. It's right on the tip of my tongue…" Zim thought.

"I'm Sgt. Hobo 678! Sgt. H 678 for short!" The military Irken shouted. "Sgt. 6 to my friends but since you're my enemies don't call me that!"

"Now I know I've seen you somewhere before," Zim concentrated. "Where do I know you from?"

"HOBO THIRTEEN YOU MORON! I WAS YOUR COMMANDING OFFICER! I JUST SAID THAT A SECOND AGO!" Sgt. H 678 shouted.

"How can you so callously forget someone whose life your ruined?" A crystal like female alien shouted.

"To be fair, that list isn't exactly the shortest in the universe," Gaz shrugged.

"Weren't you eaten by a huge bloodthirsty monster?" Zim blinked.

"No, but I was chewed up quite a bit," Sgt. H 678 snapped. "If it wasn't for Skoodge I'd have been dead! I remember how he saved my life as if it were yesterday…"

"That's not important right now," Zim interrupted. He looked at the other Irken. "And you…I know you! We've met before…I want to say Bill…But I know that's not right."

"IT'S BOB YOU IDIOT!" Bob the former drink tray server screamed. "BOB!"

"Oh right you're that Irken that hung around with Zim for about a day," Dib realized.

"Yeah I remember this guy too," Gaz said. "He came to Skool one day."

"He was my assistant for a few days but it didn't work out so well," Zim said.

"YOU NEARLY GOT ME KILLED! AND THAT STUPID ROBOT TRIED TO EAT ME AND RIDE ME LIKE A PACK ANIMAL!" Bob yelled.

"Hi clown!" Gir waved.

"I am not a clown! And I remember you two!" Bob pointed to Dib and Gaz. "You're the one who attacked me with a water balloon and you are the other one who beat me up!"

"You touched my game slave and my hair. You got what you deserved," Gaz folded her arms.

"Well then you deserve **death!"** Bob snapped. "MUAH HA HA HA!"

"Now I remember Bob! I thought you opened a successful bed and breakfast on Hobo Thirteen after that huge lawsuit?" Zim asked.

"We did. But we decided to expand our business and open a bounty hunting operation," Bob snapped.

"We heard what you did to Irk Zim!" Sgt. H 678 shouted. "How you destroyed it! And the entire Irken Empire! So we got all your old team mates together and formed the Anti Zim League!"

"And the purpose of this League is…?"

"To destroy **you** Zim!" The crystal female shouted.

"And you are…?" Zim blinked.

"IT'S CRYSTAL!" The female alien shouted. "I'M A FEMALE CRYSTAL ALIEN FROM THE PLANET CRYSTALLIS! IT'S NOT **THAT** HARD A NAME TO REMEMBER!"

"Wait you said the Irken Empire was **destroyed?**" Zim blinked. "How can that be?"

"Hello? You and that Dib creature over there practically destroyed half the fleet as well as planet Irk with your insane battle!" Sgt. H 678 snapped as he pointed to Dib. "The Tallest contacted every ship and soldier left in the Empire to go attack Earth!"

"And that didn't end well," Gaz realized. "So with all those troops gone from all the other planets…"

"Irk lost all the planets in its empire!" Bob snapped. "Don't get me wrong, I'm no fan of the former Tallest. They have some of the blame causing the end of the Empire but Zim you…"

"Hold on! Former Tallest? Red and Purple are no longer alive?" Zim gasped.

"Oh they're alive all right," Sgt. H 678 grunted. "They're just no longer in charge. Irk's got some new council running things until a new batch of Tallest is made up. Their status has been downgraded to janitors and they're currently being held prisoner until they pay off their debt to society."

"Wait you are saying Red and Purple are no longer the Tallest?" Zim said.

"That's what we just said you moron!" Bob snapped. "Boy do you have bad listening skills!"

"So the guys who demoted you got demoted themselves," Gaz raised an eyebrow. "Talk about Karma."

"Wait a second if the Irken Empire is bankrupt as you say…" Zim blinked.

"Even if nobody pays us, it would still be worth it if we killed you Zim!" Crystal snarled.

"This is more about revenge than actual monetary transaction," Bob said. "Our bed and breakfast is really raking in the credits so…"

"I gathered that yeah," Gaz groaned. "Computer. Evasive maneuvers and fire at will."

"Which one of those guys is Will?" Gir asked.

"Nub Bubbins prepare the blaster cannons and blow them up into tiny atoms!" Sgt. H 678 shouted.

"Yes sir! Blaster cannons online and firing sir!" A tiny alien was at the controls in a high chair.

"Not if I can help it!" Gaz jumped to the controls and piloted the ship straight down just as the enemy ships fired. The blasters missed them.

"You went straight down?" Zim gasped as he held onto a chair for dear life. "How did you come up with that maneuver?"

"Uh because space is **infinite in all directions?**" Gaz gave him a look. "Much like your stupidity."

"They went down! They just went straight down!" Bob gasped. "I didn't know you could do that!"

"Dang. Zim and his crew know some maneuvers," Sgt. H 678 grunted. "Little skeezot was always a slick one with his tricks! Follow them!"

"Do we have any more of those modified target practice disks?" Dib asked.

"We've got three of them left," Zim said. "Oh I got it…"

"Only use **one **of them," Gaz ordered as she righted the ship vertically and flew it.

"Right! Once I release it and set it to attack the enemy punch in the coordinates to jump through Wormhole 4585!" Zim ordered.

"Another stupid wormhole?" Gaz moaned.

"You have a **better** escape plan?" Zim snapped.

"This better not be stupid Zim…" Gaz grumbled as she punched in the coordinates.

"I wouldn't bet against those odds," Dib moaned.

"Blast them! Blast those jerks out of the…." Bob shouted when a warning alarm was heard.

"Warning, warning. Object approaching from enemy ship," The Anti Zim computer spoke.

"Analyze it," Sgt. H 678 ordered.

"Analysis complete. It is a standard Irken target practice disk," The Anti Zim computer spoke.

"That's it? That's nothing!" Sgt. H 678 laughed. "That's the stupidest…."

KABOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!

"With unusual upgrades," The Anti Zim computer finished as the ship was rocked violently back by the explosion. "Target disk has been reconfigured with S class lasers and upgraded with battle tactician reprograming."

BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!

"It is also armed with an updated photonic laser guidance system making its accuracy over ninety five percent," The Anti Zim computer finished as one of the smaller Anti Zim ships was destroyed. "Make that a hundred precent."

"Oh, okay **that** makes sense," Sgt. H 678 blinked.

BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!

"It blew up another one of our ships!" An alien screamed.

"Well blast that thing and destroy it!" Bob shouted.

BOOOOOOOOOOOM!

"It's too fast! It's attacking us!" Another alien screamed. "We're all gonna die! AAAHHHH!"

"No we are **not!"** Sgt. H 678 snarled. "ZIM!"

"Good work Zim," Dib looked out the window. "That should keep them busy for a moment."

"Remind me to get more of those things," Zim said. "They do come in handy."

"Engaging hyperdrive now!" Gaz pushed the buttons.

FOOOOOOOOOOOOM!

Two Earth days later (But to the gang it was only twenty seven seconds. I don't know why. Space is weird like that.)

FOOOOOOOOOOM!"

"Okay…That was weirder than usual…" Gaz blinked. "What the hell kind of dimension was that?"

"A dimension of color," Zim said. "Where everything exists as nothing but color, even sound is color. And the dimensional fabric is thin and white and papery, like paper," Zim said.

"So that's what it's like to be on acid…" Dib wobbled around.

"Grooooovvvyyyyy!" Gir spun around and landed on his back laughing.

"Wow, us as nothing more than moving blots of color on paper," Gaz groaned. "Still can't completely wrap my mind around that."

"Zim where do you come up with these crazy dimensional wormholes?" Dib asked.

"Don't you remember? I did a lot of research through an Irken Dimensional Viewer trying to find the right universe to trap you in," Zim gave him a look.

"Oh right. That whole incident with the moose…" Dib remembered.

"Well while I was doing that, I just happened to record all the coordinates and jump points for all the other dimensional wormholes I could find in case of something happening to me," Zim shrugged.

"Like having to escape your former team mates who want to kill you?" Gaz gritted her teeth.

"The point is I think we lost them," Zim groaned as he sat in his chair. "According to the sensors we're now in the Middlewack system. Home of the lost civilization of the Middlewacks."

"And they're lost why?" Gaz asked.

"One of the first intergalactic wars with the Irken Empire," Zim said. "The Middlewacks got blown up over ten thousands Skleens ago."

"And how long is a Skleen?" Dib asked.

"In human time that's about a hundred and twenty eight thousand Earth years," Zim said. "Followed by three days, two hours, ten minutes and fifteen seconds."

"That is a long time," Gaz blinked.

"That's why we call it a Skleen on Irk," Zim said.

"Interesting. By the way Zim are there any **other** enemies of yours we should be on the lookout for?" Dib asked sarcastically. "Cause it might be a good idea to know if there's anyone else that wants to destroy us? Or more specifically, destroy us along with **you?" **

"Well in addition to the Planet Jackers and those pants aliens and the Irkens and those Anti Zim guys I guess there are one or two more," Zim blinked. "Those stupid aliens that wanted to fuse me with juice for starters. But they're so stupid I wouldn't worry too much about them."

"Who else?" Gaz folded her arms.

"Let me see. There's a group of aliens called the Nhar Gh'ok that I left stranded on Earth but I did wipe their memories and made them stupid so there's no worries there," Zim frowned. "And then there was this ham demon I also fought on Earth…"

"Forget Earth, what's out in space that can attack us **now**?" Gaz snapped.

"Well there are the Vorts who never really liked me. Mostly because I wrecked half their planet while I was doing my scientific training and weakened their planet making it easier for it to be conquered," Zim thought. "Obviously Sizz Lorr from Foodcourtia. Better steer clear of that planet. But that goes under Irkens so…"

"Who else?" Dib asked.

"You remember when we went to Planet Goo and took all the goo there?" Zim asked.

"Vividly," Gaz growled.

"Well before we left Earth I got a very nasty interstellar space message from some of the guys who worked there and were mad because I put them out of a job," Zim shrugged. "Technically we all did that but the gist of the tone was if they ever saw any of us again they'd do something very painful and very violent to us."

"Okay. Makes sense. Who else?" Gaz asked.

"Uh hold on…I'm thinking…" Zim thought. "Oh we might want to stay away from the Balloo System and the resort planet Balloona Hi."

"Why?" Dib asked.

"I kind of accidentally burned down a resort or two when I went on a vacation there," Zim shrugged. "It was shortly after my scientific training and right before Operation Impending Doom One. I think I kind of was supposed to go to court there but I forgot all about it until now. I may be on a wanted list or two dozen on that planet."

"Who else?" Dib groaned. "I ask even though I am afraid to know the answer."

"Well there was this one other guy whose spaceship I kind of wrecked while flying to the Great Assigning right before I went to Earth," Zim thought. "He was either a president or an intergalactic warlord but I'm not a hundred percent sure which and what species he was. I do know he was an insect species and he had some kind of really big claws."

"Uh huh," Dib gave him a look.

"Then there were these guys I ran into I kind of stole their map system from when I was first flying towards Earth and had no idea where I was going," Zim shrugged. "I think they were either pirates or some kind of marines from another planet. Not really sure which. Long story short I also sort of blew up half their ship while I escaped."

"Yeah. **And?**" Dib asked.

"And there was this kind of slight diplomatic incident on planet Staglon way back when I was in the academy," Zim admitted. "Happened on a field trip. But that sacred temple was going to be demolished anyway when the invasion of that planet started. And we did conquer that planet ahead of schedule thanks to me. But if that High Priestess is still around she might hold a grudge. So uh, better steer clear of that planet. But since it's halfway across the universe from where we are, I wouldn't worry too much about it. Unless they regained the ability to make spaceships. Then we could have a problem."

"Keep going," Gaz said. "I'm sure there's **more."**

"Hold on. I'm still thinking," Zim thought hard. "There was this one guy on Footcourtia who threatened a lawsuit against me because I kind of accidentally gave him food poisoning. Another that got a bit ticked off because I kept stealing his fries. And another one who broke two of his five legs because I accidentally left a mop on the floor after I washed the lavatory. Then there was this other guy I kind of accidentally ran over with my Voot Cruiser. Looked like a mutant dog with two heads. And I'm pretty sure the Resisty don't like me too much because I'm Irken but other than that I think that's it."

"That's all? Are you **sure?**" Gaz gave him a look.

"Yeah. I'm positive. Who else could there be?" Zim asked.

"Warning. Unidentified ship approaching," The Computer said. "They've locked their lasers on us. Message transmission incoming."

"ZIM!" A very familiar Chihuahua with big eyes and a scar over one eye screamed. "I MANUEL ALHEANDRO DELGADO NUEVO ESTIBAN SIENTE THE SECOND SHALL DESTROY YOU! DESTROY YOU I SAY!"

"Oh yeah and there's also that guy," Zim looked at Dib and Gaz. "Kind of got into a bit of a disagreement with him. He wanted to steal my spaceship and I beat him up and stuffed him into a defective spaceship filled with tapioca pudding!"

"PREPARE TO DIE!" Madness screamed as he shot at them.

"Here we go again…" Gaz groaned as she piloted the ship.

"You jerk…" Dib glared at Zim.

"What?" Zim blinked.

**Next more madness and a shocking discovery! **

"My name is not Madness!" The alien Chihuahua snapped. "It is…"

**Not you! I meant real madness!**

"Oh sorry," Madness blinked. "Carry on."


	3. Meet The Pattersons

**Meet The Pattersons**

"Well that was another insane and pointless battle," Dib remarked as they landed on an alien planet. The planet had only one sun but three moons and it looked like a desert planet with patches of jungle.

"We got away didn't we?" Zim huffed.

"For now," Gaz snorted. "You know Madness didn't die when you shot him down Zim. He just crash landed on a moon on the other side of this system."

"So? By the time he repairs his ship we'd have made some minor repairs to our ship and be long gone," Zim shrugged.

"At least we can catch our breath and relax here for a few hours," Gaz sighed. "This planet is safe, right Zim?"

"Safe? Of course it's safe! There are no inhabitants on this planet!" Zim snorted.

"Hey let's land near that huge temple over there," Dib pointed to a large temple on the ground. The temple of course was on the outskirts of the desert part of the planet but surrounded by grass.

"Why?" Gaz asked.

"Well for starters it has a space big enough for our ship to land," Dib said.

"That's good enough for me," Gaz landed the ship. It wasn't long before they all got out and looked around where they were. "So Zim how long is it until all the repairs are done?"

"Not long. Even if I finish repairs on both Voot Cruisers we have. That is mine and the one we picked up on Twilla, the planet of vampire squirrels. Before we blew that planet up," Zim said.

"You know the one good thing about this whole situation is that we finally get to explore outer space and see other worlds and cultures," Dib looked around the ruins with his eyes wide.

"Please. You've seen one pile of rocks you've seen them all," Gaz rolled her eyes.

"No seriously Gaz! Look at this temple! It looks almost exactly like the ones the ancient Incans made!" Dib pointed. "It's in a pyramid shape! Except of course the statues all have two heads and five arms. Maybe there's a connection between this place and some of the ruins back on Earth!

"Or maybe because it's an easier shape to build than a round one," Gaz grunted.

"Or maybe there is a connection?" Dib wondered.

"I hate to disappoint you Dib Stink…No wait that's a lie. I **love** to disappoint you," Zim mocked. "But this type of primitive dwelling has been found on countless worlds of almost every different culture in the universe. It's just as Gaz said, it's a style that's easier to build than a round one."

"If that's true then why didn't they just build a square one then?" Dib asked.

"Because a square temple isn't as special or as important as a pyramid shaped temple," Zim rolled his eyes. "Almost all species has some kind of pyramids in their past. On Irk in the ancient days of the Hive Queens they lived in palaces with pyramids on top because they believed it pointed to the sky. It's just a cool shape! That's all!"

"I wonder what's inside? Hey Gir, Piggy? You want to go inside and see what treasures are in there?" Dib asked.

"I wanna see if they got a Starbucks!" Gir said cheerfully. The pig squealed happily.

"Don't hold your breath. The Irken Empire took everything and anything of the slightest value a long time ago," Zim waved. "The only reason this planet wasn't recolonized was that it was too remote."

"It'd still be fun to explore. I mean checking out an alien temple from a lost civilization? That's pretty cool," Dib said as he went with Gir and Piggy to check it out.

"Yeah maybe you can fall into some trap and die?" Gaz called out.

"Yeah maybe the Dib can fall into a trap and die and…Uh oh…" Zim blinked.

"Hey Zim if Dib dies do you die?" Gaz asked.

"Uh Zim isn't exactly sure but one war brother dying if his war brother dies isn't exactly unheard of," Zim gulped. "DIB WAIT FOR ME!" He ran after Dib.

"Heh, this might be fun," Gaz snorted as she pulled out her game slave. "Now for some quality alone time."

"DIB YOU IDIOT! GET OUT OF THERE! THERE'S NOTHING GOOD IN THAT TEMPLE BUT SOME STUPID RUBIES AND GIANT GOLDEN STATUES!" Zim yelled. "AND PROBABLY SOME WORTHLESS GOLD COINS!"

"On the other hand maybe Dib has a point?" Gaz put her game slave away and followed them. "Come on Minimoose. Time to get some culture."

"Wow! Look at all these cool carvings!" Dib looked at the walls and the intricate designs outside the temple. "Aren't they amazing?"

"Funnies! I love the comics!" Gir said cheerfully.

"Yeah, great," Gaz said as she and Zim joined them. "Where's the loot?"

"Dib trust me there's nothing in there! This temple is as empty as your big head!" Zim grumbled.

"Well I'll have to go and see for myself won't I?" Dib gave him a look as he walked inside. Just as he started to walk inside there were sounds of someone inside.

"Someone's inside the temple," Gaz stopped and listened.

"What?" Zim blinked.

"Let's go say hi!" Gir said. He was about to run off when Zim grabbed him.

"She's right," Zim focused on his antennae and the senses they picked up," There is someone in here! Quick! Hide! He shoved Dib and Gir behind a ruined piece of temple. Gaz, Minimoose and Piggy followed.

"I thought you said this planet was uninhabited?" Dib asked.

"It is! At least it was a couple hundred thousand years ago," Zim told him. "I mean the Irkens never returned to this system after we wiped out most of the planets inhabitants and enslaved the survivors."

"How lovely," Gaz groaned. "So if we do find some natives they'll have a grudge."

"Them and everyone else we've run into since we started this trip," Dib remarked.

"Good point," Gaz said.

"They're getting closer!" Dib whispered as footsteps and something whirring was heard.

"Okay so we attack them on three…" Zim growled.

"With **what**?" Gaz asked. "We left our blasters back on the ship."

"What? Why?" Zim gasped.

"We had to recharge them! Remember?" Gaz snapped.

"No I don't! Why did you do that?" Zim hissed.

"You **told** us to!" Dib said. "Remember after we fled that vampire squirrel planet? You said our blasters needed to recharge and showed us how to do it?"

"Oh yeah," Zim blinked. "I forgot. We could be in trouble."

"You **think?**" Gaz snarled. "Zim what were the original inhabitants of this planet like?"

"Not really sure. Other than the detailed reports of acid burns Irken warriors got from the mouths of the creatures that lived here there wasn't that much…" Zim began.

"Acid? These aliens throw up **acid** and you thought it was a good idea to land here?" Dib snarled.

"We're doomed. I knew it," Gaz groaned.

"We are not doomed! We will fight! We will…" Zim gathered up some leaves and sticks from the ground. "We will use these to fight the enemy!"

"Leaves and sticks?" Dib asked. "You're gonna fight acid spewing aliens **with leaves and** **sticks?"**

"You have a better plan?" Zim snapped.

"Actually we could just…" Gir began. He was pointing at Minimoose.

"No time! Gather your weapons! ATTACK!" Zim ran out throwing leaves at the approaching intruders.

"ATTACK!" Someone shouted. Zim had leaves and sticks thrown at him.

"AAGGHH! THEY'VE GOT LEAVES AND STICKS TOO!" Zim spat out a leaf.

"Oh for crying out…AAAAAHHH!" Dib ran into the fray throwing leaves and small sticks.

"YEAAHHHHHH!" Gir did the same thing.

"Oh this is just **stupid!"** Gaz snarled as she walked out. She saw Zim, Dib and Gir throwing sticks along with a sixteen year old dark skinned teenage boy with short black curly hair. The boy was wearing a black jumpsuit with a green line across his chest. There was also a dark skinned teenage girl about seventeen years old with curly black hair in a ponytail. She was also wearing a black jumpsuit with a green line across her chest and was also throwing leaves and sticks.

"Attack the aliens with leaves and sticks!" The teenage boy shouted.

"Great stupid minds think alike…" Gaz groaned.

"Squeak," Minimoose blinked.

"Oink!" Piggy agreed.

"I'm helping! I'm helping! HA HA HA HA!" Gir ran around in circles throwing sticks and leaves into the air.

"You're not gonna eat my brains alien monster!" The teenage girl threw leaves at Zim.

"You're not going to spew acid in my face, alien monster!" Zim threw leaves back.

"Trouble! Trouble! BIG TROUBLE!" A large silver robot that hovered in the air cried out waving its accordion like arms with clamps on the end.

"Wait a minute," Dib realized something. "You guys are **human!"**

"So are **you**!" The teenage boy said. "Well…Most of you. Two of you anyway." Everyone stopped throwing leaves and sticks.

"Hi there!" Gir shouted cheerfully. "You have any waffles?"

"You've got a robot too!" The teenage boy pointed.

"Yeah he's smaller than yours…" Dib blinked.

"Dib! Don't stop fighting! The monsters will spew acid from their mouths onto our faces!" Zim yelled.

"No we **won't!**" The teenage girl snapped.

"ACID! WATCH OUT FOR THE ACID!" Zim yelled still throwing leaves.

"Zim you moron, they're humans!" Gaz yelled.

"Oh right. Humans can't spit acid from their mouths. Heh. Silly me," Zim blinked.

"Seriously Zim! You spent two years on Earth and you can't tell a human when you see one?" Dib snapped. "You got us all worked up over nothing!"

"Well they're aliens to me!" Zim snapped. "All non Irkens are aliens and enemies! They teach that in Irken Preschool!"

"Wait you're an Irken?" The teenage girl asked. "We've heard about you. You guys were at war with this planet a long time ago according to some old records we found."

"So are you like a baby Irken or something?" The teenage boy asked.

"I AM NOT A BABY!" Zim huffed. "I am a seasoned Invader!"

"Sort of," Gaz rolled her eyes. "He acts like a baby."

"He's a teenager," Dib explained. "But most Irkens are short so…"

"Wait Zim is a **teenager?**" Gaz did a double take. "You didn't tell me that!"

"Well an Irken year is the equivalent of about nine Earth years," Dib said. "And since Zim's over sixteen Irk Years old…"

"Okay I get it," Gaz nodded. "You know that does explain a few things."

"So he's the same size as most Irkens?" The teenage girl asked.

"Actually even for an Irken Zim is pretty short, but yeah around that area…" Dib said.

"Okay. I'm Bobby Patterson and this is my older sister Patty," The teenage boy said.

"I'm Dib and this is my older sister Gaz," Dib said. "And the annoying alien is Zim. And that's Gir."

"Hi there traffic light! Make me a burrito!" Gir said cheerfully to the other robot.

"Charmed I'm sure," The other robot intoned.

"What's your robot's name?" Dib said.

"He doesn't have a name," Patty said. "We just call him Robot."

"That's weird," Gir said. "Give me a piggy back ride!" Gir hopped up on the larger robot's head.

"Get off me you malfunctioning bucket of bolts!" The Robot snapped as he waved his arms. Gir just laughed happily.

"Why did you name your robot Gir?" Patty asked Gaz.

"We didn't. He came with that name," Gaz shrugged.

"Gir is a System Information and Intelligence Retrieval Unit," Zim explained. "He's my robot slave."

"Do the monkey dance!" Gir whooped.

"Get off my circuits!" The robot said.

"But he was made from garbage scraps henceforth the G," Zim sighed. "Gir! That is not a monkey! Get down!"

"I don't wanna!" Gir snapped as he kept dancing. "MONKEY DANCE!"

"Gir get down," Gaz sighed.

"Okay!" Gir hopped off the robot.

"Gir has some programming issues," Dib explained.

"Kind of figured that out yeah," Bobby said. "Look you want to come back to our spaceship and meet up with the rest of our family?"

"There are **more **humans on this planet?" Zim was stunned.

"Yeah so you want to come back and exchange stories and stuff?" Bobby asked.

"Cool. What do you say Gaz?" Dib asked.

"I don't really want to go but since I can't think up any excuse not to, might as well," Gaz shrugged.

Not far from the temple in the jungle there was a saucer shaped spaceship and a campsite. That's where the gang met the rest of the family. "Good to meet fellow humans! I am Captain Dan Patterson!" A rugged heroic looking African American man with a large afro stood proudly. He wore a black suit with a thin blue stripe across his chest. "This is my first officer Rob Handsome!"

A good looking Caucasian man with dark hair wearing a black suit with a white stripe across his chest waved. "Hello!" He said standing in a heroic pose.

"And that's my lovely wife Debbie Patterson," Captain Patterson pointed to a lovely African American woman in a black uniform with a pink line running across her chest.

"Hi kids! Who wants mashed squash things?" She held up what looked like a bowl of green and purple mashed potatoes.

"Ugh, not **again**…" Patty groaned.

"This is…Different," Gaz winced at the food.

Dib tasted it. "Eh still better than what we ate back home."

"And this is Dr. Jones. He just kind of showed up for no reason," Bobby pointed to another man at the table drinking tea.

"Delighted," An older light skinned man wearing a black suit with a thin red stripe across his chest drawled in a deadpan tone. "Just what we need around here. Another gaggle of gangly adolescences constantly calling out for attention and my wisdom."

"Zim is a full grown Invader!" Zim bristled.

"Zim is a **teenager**," Dib gave him a look.

"Only by human standards," Zim glared at him.

"We've been travelling in space for quite a while. Met a lot of aliens but this is the first time we've seen fellow humans in well…Since we left Earth," Captain Patterson said as everyone sat at a large picnic table laden with food.

"You're from Earth? How is that **possible?**" Zim said. "You stink apes didn't have the technology to travel to other planets!"

"That's because this ship is a prototype," Captain Patterson told them as he pointed to the ship behind them. "I made this ship myself in the year 1979! Groovy man! With help from my first made Rob Handsome and the scientific genius of my children Patty and Bobby, the welding abilities of my lovely wife and a rather flighty lab assistant who didn't come on our mission we made this ship ourselves!"

"He didn't come on the mission because his family wouldn't let him. He was only nine years old!" Mrs. Patterson gave her husband a look.

"Our original mission was to go to the planet orbiting around Alpha Centauri and see if it could be colonized," Captain Patterson told them.

"So you thought it would be a good idea to just take your wife and kids along on a dangerous mission into outer space?" Gaz raised an eyebrow.

"That was the plan," Mrs. Patterson said. "However there was a tiny little hiccup."

"I told you I knew a shortcut!" Captain Patterson snapped.

"If you just called Mission Control and asked for directions we would have arrived without any problems," Mrs. Patterson sniffed.

"We didn't need to call Mission Control because we weren't lost!" Captain Patterson snapped.

"So you were just looking at all those maps and asking 'Where the hell are we' for the fun of it?" Doctor Jones gave him a look.

"Hey! We would have gotten to Alpha Centauri fine if you weren't on board!" Rob Handsome snapped. "Your extra weight made it impossible for this ship to go the correct distance!"

"Then why didn't you simply jettison those ten thousand pounds of dumbbell's in your living quarters, you dumbbell?" Doctor Jones asked.

"First of all…It's only a hundred thousand pounds of different weights of various sizes," Rob Handsome said. "And I need them to keep my body in perfect condition! Besides they were authorized to be on the ship! You weren't!"

"I told you…I am afflicted with narcolepsy," Doctor Jones sniffed. "Particularly when I am in small dark spaces. It was your **brilliant** captain that insisted that I check out the lower engines before we took off and he didn't check to see if I was still there!"

"That's true, you were in a rush honey," Mrs. Patterson said. "Besides Doctor Jones is what? Eighty pounds?"

"A hundred and fourteen," Doctor Jones sniffed.

"Rob you could have easily thrown out a couple of weights to make up the distance," Mrs. Patterson said. "Then we would have had plenty of fuel. Of course that was before you decided to show off and do those loop de loops…"

"They were strategic maneuvers…." Rob began.

"Which strategically got us lost and burned out half our fuel!" Patty yelled, clearly at her wits' end. "God! You four have the same stupid argument every freaking day!

"Day after day after day…." Bobby moaned.

"Anyway thanks to **that **and our lab assistant's shoddy craftsmanship we ended up lost in space and crash landed on this planet," Captain Patterson said. "Been stuck here ever since."

"Your lab assistant's name wouldn't happen to be Membrane would it?" Dib's eyes narrowed.

"Why yes it was! How did you know?" Captain Patterson asked.

"Oh just a lucky guess," Dib groaned as he rubbed his forehead. "He's…"

"Somebody we know who is a real jerk," Gaz interrupted.

"Yeah that," Dib got the hint.

"He's also their dad," Zim said. He didn't get the hint.

"Dad? Are you kidding me?" Debbie was stunned. "I knew we were gone from Earth a long time but…"

"Hold on how long were we gone?" Bobby asked.

"Well let me put it to you this way," Dib said. "You've been gone so long the Red Sox managed to win the World Series. Twice."

"That is a long time," Doctor Jones blinked.

"So what are you two kids doing out here with an Irken?" Bobby asked. "And a robot, and a pig and a…flying tiny…?"

"Looks like some kind of deer?" Captain Patterson blinked.

"That's Minimoose," Zim said. "My other assistant."

"It's kind of a long story," Dib said. "We're…"

"Refugees," Gaz said quickly. "From the war."

"Oh yeah. The war," Dib blinked catching on. "Right Zim! The war! **Remember?**"

"Oh yeah about that. You might not want to be in any hurry to go back to Earth," Zim scratched his head. "Earth kind of got into a little teeny war with my planet."

"Uh short version Earth won but the planet got trashed," Gaz added. "You don't want to know how."

"They don't?" Zim blinked.

"No, they **don't,"** Gaz gave him a look.

"We blew it all up!" Gir said cheerfully.

"By we of course he means both the humans **and** the Irkens," Gaz said.

"That's how it happened," Dib nodded. Then added under his breath. "Technically."

"So don't bother going back to Earth," Gaz said.

"Yeah you're better off right where you are," Zim nodded.

"Oh," Captain Patterson blinked. Then he turned on his wife. "SEE! I TOLD YOU THAT THIS TRIP WASN'T STUPID!"

"So we didn't get blown up along with the rest of the Earth! That doesn't excuse you from nearly blowing us all up seventeen times!" Mrs. Patterson snapped back.

"First of all it wasn't seventeen times! It was only **twelve!**" Captain Patterson snapped. "That week we spent orbiting Galos Seven didn't count!"

"Just because Robbie Half Brain can't count…." Doctor Jones began.

"Now don't you start you effeminate limp wristed pansy!" Rob Handsome snapped.

"Oooh look who's calling who **names,"** Doctor Jones quipped.

"Yeah you're one to talk!" Mrs. Patterson snapped.

"Just what is that supposed to mean?" Rob Handsome snapped.

"Just what you think it means," Doctor Jones remarked. "You can think right? I know it's difficult but please try."

"At least I can do more than just think and do nothing," Rob Handsome snapped. "Instead of being dead weight!"

"I agree! The only reason we didn't throw you out an airlock years ago is because we needed a babysitter!" Captain Patterson snapped. "And even that you can't do!"

"I've spent more time with your offspring this week than you have in **years!"** Doctor Jones snapped.

"Come on, let's go over here and eat," Patty sighed as they took their food over to another area. "They're going to be like this for a while."

"Uh do they always….?" Dib asked as they moved away to let the adults argue in peace.

"Yeah. They argue all the time. Twenty Four Seven," Patty groaned. "It's been a real **blast **living out here."

"GO AHEAD AND STORM OFF! JUST DON'T EXPECT ME TO COOK YOU ANYTHING TONIGHT FOR SUPPER!" Mrs. Patterson snapped as her husband stormed off.

"CONSIDERING I'VE HAD NOTHING BUT THE COLD SHOULDER FROM YOU FOR YEARS I'M USED TO IT!" Captain Patterson yelled back.

"WELL THAT'S WHAT YOU GET FOR STRANDING ME HERE IN OUTER SPACE WITH NO FRIENDS AND NO MARTINIS!" Mrs. Patterson yelled.

"WHY DON'T YOU GET YOUR DRINKS FROM THE DOCTOR OVER THERE? HE'S SLOSHED NEARLY EVERY DAY OF THE WEEK!" Rob Handsome snapped as he followed the Captain.

"A TEETOALER WOULD GET SLOSHED EVERY DAY OF THE WEEK IF HE HAD TO ENDURE **YOUR** COMPANY FOR MORE THAN AN HOUR!" Doctor Jones yelled back.

"YOU'RE NOT EXACTLY A BUNDLE OF SUNSHINE MISTER!" Rob Handsome snapped. "QUITE FRANKLY YOU ARE A PAIN IN THE ASS!"

"WELL YOU SIR ARE AN ASS **PERIOD!"** Doctor Jones yelled.

"I COULDN'T HAVE SAID IT BETTER MYSELF!" Mrs. Patterson yelled.

Zim looked at Gaz. "And you think Dib and I are **annoying?"**

"Guess it goes to show you that no matter how bad you have it, someone else has got it worse," Gaz shrugged.

"Tell me about it," Patty moaned.

"Doctor Jones isn't so bad. Spends a lot more time with me than my real dad does," Bobby groaned. "My Dad and Rob are always going off by themselves. Doing what they call 'manly space stuff'."

"Really?" Gaz raised an eyebrow.

Behind Bobby and Patty the gang saw Doctor Jones and Mrs. Patterson embracing. They were kissing madly. "Something tells me your mother doesn't mind that much either," Zim quipped.

"Something tells me Doc Jones' appearance on your ship wasn't exactly accidental," Gaz smirked.

"We figured that out when Patty found some old love letters of theirs in Mom's sock drawer," Bobby groaned.

"I think I'm going to go fix our ship now," Zim sniffed. "Watching human mating habits is not exactly a favorite pastime of mine."

"Need help?" Bobby asked. "I'm pretty good at fixing stuff."

"Hmph! This is superior Irken technology!" Zim huffed.

"Oh get off it Zim! You can't even fix Gir!" Dib rolled his eyes.

"Gir is un-fixable! And I suppose you can do better?" Zim snapped.

"Can't do any worse!" Dib said. "Bobby as you probably have figured out we could use all the help we can get!"

"Cool. While you're doing that Gaz and I can go out back and shoot space gophers," Patty said.

"You shoot small animals for fun?" Gaz blinked.

"Hey! We're a couple of teenagers stuck with our parents practically twenty four seven with no shopping malls or dates! What **else** are we supposed to do?" Patty snapped.

"Being in outer space wasn't so bad when I was a kid but as I grew older and started noticing things…" Bobby sighed. "I realized my parents sucked."

"Yeah that's pretty much our story in a nutshell," Dib said.

"We had an older sister who ran off with some alien guy with six arms but it took our parents over a week to figure out she took off," Patty groaned. "And then they took another week to go party!"

"How about we go play a video game instead?" Gaz asked. "Don't get me wrong, I love blowing things up but I find that animals deserve it a lot less than people."

"What's a video game?" Patty blinked.

"You're kidding me right?" Gaz raised an eyebrow.

"She's from the Sixties Gaz," Dib said. "They didn't have video games back then."

"Girl you have no idea what you are missing," Gaz said. "Come on."

"Wait! Don't leave me alone with **this**!" The Robot yelled as Gir climbed on his back.

"Come on Monkey! Let's Dance!" Gir laughed.

"Some days I wonder why I don't just disassemble myself and get it over with," The Robot sighed.

It wasn't long before the kids were at the spaceship. Gaz and Patty were playing and held video games linked up wirelessly while the boys were fixing the ship. "Now let's try linking this wire here to that one," Bobby suggested.

"Are you a fool? That will bring nothing but DOOM!" Zim yelled. "Doom I say! Your pitiful human brain cannot comprehend the awesome power and technological superiority of Irken technology! You cannot comprehend it! Only Zim can…"

Zim did a double take. "Oh wait, that will work better."

"Has he always been like this or was he hit on the head or something?" Bobby asked Dib.

"Pretty much," Dib shrugged. "You get used to it."

"Just shut up and hand me the knob twisty thingy," Zim grunted.

"You mean the **wrench**, Zim?" Dib asked.

"You know what Zim means!" Zim snapped.

"Keep it down you guys!" Patty snapped as she played her game. "I'm trying to blow these pigs up! Gosh! Don't they ever shut up?"

"Nope," Gaz said as she kept playing. "Watch out. Lava spewing demon pigs on your left."

"I got it," Patty did so. "I can't believe I missed this stuff! My parents are so lame! It's all their fault I never got anything cool like this!"

"You know it's nice to actually hang out with someone who has more than one brain cell?" Gaz remarked. "Don't get me wrong. I don't want to make a thing of it."

"It's just **anything **is better than hanging with your brother," Patty said as she played. "I hear you. So how did you guys end up together in the first place?"

"Oh it's the same old story," Gaz waved. "Alien is sent to Earth to take it over. Boy meets alien and decides it's his personal mission to save a world that doesn't deserve to get saved. Boy fights alien. Alien fights boy. Sister gets annoyed with both Boy and Alien. Father of Sister and the Boy ignores them. Blah Blah Blah…Intergalactic war…Blah Blah…Alien Rebels Land…Blah…Secret Conspiracy on Earth…Yada, yada, yada…And it ends up with one big boom. And Boy, Sister, Alien, their robot and a few other animals take off in a spaceship."

"Oh…Patty said. "That old story."

"Hey has anybody seen Gir?" Dib asked.

"Oh he's with our robot," Patty said as she kept playing. "I'm sure he'll be fine."

Back at the camp….

"YEAHHHHHHH!" Gir whooped as he rode the Robot around the camp, half destroying the campsite. "RIDE THE MONKEY!"

"AAAAHHHHH!" The Robot screamed.

"RIDE THE MONKEY!" Gir whooped.

"I AM NOT A MONKEY!" The Robot shouted.

"Do the Monkey Dance!" Gir took out a small wire from his body and attached it to the inside of the Robot's Head. "Here! I'll show you how!"

"GRFORLGGGLERGAGGGLE!" The Robot sputtered as Gir downloaded some of his programing in it.

About two hours later…

"Okay we're all packed," Patty said as she threw something in the spare Voot Cruiser. "So you say this thing will take us half way across the galaxy?"

"And then some," Gaz said.

"Thanks a lot guys for the extra spaceship," Bobby said.

"Hey anything to help a fellow kid get away from his insane parents," Dib shrugged. "Take care man."

"Thanks for the portable gaming system," Patty said to Gaz. "You sure you want me to have it?"

"Take it," Gaz shrugged. "You need it a lot more than I do. Besides, I got a new better game system."

"Thanks again. We'd travel with you guys but uh…We just really want to get out on our own," Bobby said.

"And as far away from our family as possible," Patty moaned.

"Eh it's just as well," Zim waved. "We got a lot of people who want to kill us. So you know…It's not exactly healthy if you travel with us."

"Correction, most of them want to kill **you!**" Dib gave him a look. "But he does have a point. You sure your family won't mind?"

"I give them a week before they notice we're even gone," Patty rolled her eyes. "Besides we left them the Robot. They should be fine. Thanks for everything."

"Bye! Have a good trip!" Gir waved as the siblings took off in the Voot Cruiser.

"I gotta admit this pit stop wasn't as sucky as they normally are," Gaz shrugged as the gang prepared to take off. "No jewels but we did find some proof that there is some intelligent life in the universe. Not much of it, but some."

"Wow Gaz, you gave them your old Game Slave and a spaceship," Dib blinked. "I've never seen you so generous."

"Eh, I guess I got a soft spot for losers who have parents worse than mine," Gaz shrugged. "Like I said it's not like I didn't have a new system. Graphics are way better and so are the games."

"Still really nice of you," Dib said.

"Not really. I kind of took some stuff before we left," Gaz shrugged.

"What kind of stuff?" Zim asked.

"Don't worry. It's nothing they won't miss," Gaz waved. "Besides I left a note. Let's get outta here." And they flew off into the stars.

Back on the planet….

"I am just so sick and tired of how you take me for granted!" Mrs. Patterson snapped. The adults were currently sitting outside around the picnic table.

"And we're all sick and tired of these god awful casseroles!" Rob Handsome snapped back.

"Well I'd like to see you try and make a nutritious meal using only native foods, freeze dried leftovers and God only knows what else I can find," Mrs. Patterson snapped.

"The only thing Rob can make is muscles and poses in the mirror," Doctor Jones sneered. "And I don't know what you are complaining about. Debbie dear I think your casseroles are marvelous! A culinary masterpiece!"

"Suck up!" Rob sneered. "You hate them as much as we do!"

"I don't see you doing anything in the kitchen and since I'm the only one around here who gets off her damn ass and cooks I suggest you eat it!" Mrs. Patterson snapped. "Or go find something else to eat!"

"I would if I could find my damn chocolate protein bars," Captain Patterson grumbled. "I know somebody got into them."

"Maybe it was your offspring and their new little friends that wanted to sample your gastric delights?" Doctor Jones suggested. "Where are the little urchins anyway?"

"Oh they're around here somewhere," Captain Patterson waved. "The more important thing is that one of you stole my chocolate protein bars! It was you, wasn't it Jones?"

"Why would I take **your** loathsome protein bars?" Doctor Jones snapped. "You know they give me gas as well as diarrhea."

"And yet you never miss an opportunity to scarf one or two of them down when you get any!" Captain Patterson snapped.

"You accuse me of theft! How dare you!" Doctor Jones snapped.

"Why not? You've been stealing everything else around here!" Captain Patterson snapped.

"I only take things that nobody else wants and doesn't have the good sense to appreciate!" Doctor Jones snapped.

"Oh yeah? Wait…We're not talking about protein bars are we?" Rob Handsome blinked. "Oh I get it now…"

"Unbelievable, he _finally_ gets it!" Doctor Jones threw up his hands. "Bravo!"

"Gets what?" Captain Patterson blinked.

"The same thing you've been giving our pilot here!" Doctor Jones snapped. "I have given your wife the attention and appreciation she rightfully deserves and you squander on that nancy boy there!"

"Oh this from a man who can give a scout lessons in camping it up!" Rob Handsome rolled his eyes.

"That's not **all **he gives me!" Mrs. Patterson glared at her husband. "And what **he** gives me, makes me not miss what you haven't been giving me for twelve years!"

Captain Patterson blinked again. "We're not talking about snacks are we?"

"No," Mrs. Patterson folded her arms.

"Extra rations?" Captain Patterson asked.

"Not even close," Doctor Jones said.

"I'll give you a clue. You used to give it to me every night before the kids were born," Mrs. Patterson said. "And I am not talking about a warm glass of milk."

"Are you saying that you and…" Captain Patterson's eyes widened and did a double take. _"Him?"_

"Well it's not like I have a lot of choices now do I?" Mrs. Patterson snapped. "Besides you're one to talk! You and Robbie here are…"

"Whoa! Whoa! Wait a minute! You actually think that I and Rob are…?" Captain Patterson gasped.

"Not for lack of trying on my part…" Rob Handsome admitted.

"WHAT?" Captain Patterson yelled.

"Seven years I've been trying to get you to notice me! And in all that time you've not noticed a single move!" Rob Handsome snapped. "Which is ironic with all the come ons you throw out!"

"Come ons? What come ons? Wait? You're gay?" Captain Patterson yelled.

"YES!" Rob Handsome snapped.

"Now who's the pan-?" Doctor Jones began.

"Watch it! I can still bench press you into next week!" Rob Handsome snapped.

"Wait you're saying **you're** gay…and you thought **I **was gay?" Captain Patterson asked. "What made you think I was gay?"

"The ad you wrote up for a pilot for this Trip of the Damned for starters!" Rob Handsome snapped.

"All I said is I wanted a manly man who could pilot a ship, spend hours alone tinkering with the Captain and could squeeze in and out of tight situations," Captain Patterson said. "That could mean anything."

"What about the part where you wrote 'Must not have any interest in young girls or wives?'" Rob folded his arms.

"That's taken out of context," Captain Patterson winced.

"And when we first met what did you say?" Rob asked.

"I said, welcome aboard: later I want to check out your thrusters…" Captain Patterson blinked. "Oh…Now I see where our signals got crossed."

"The fact he showed up for the interview in a gold speedo should have tipped you off!" Mrs. Patterson snapped.

"Hey! I was on my break from my old job! Which now I realize I never should have left!" Rob Handsome snapped.

"Okay maybe I should do more repairs with the robot from now on?" Captain Patterson winced.

"DESTROY EVERYBODY!" The Robot tore into camp, lasers firing and trashing everything in its path. "DESTROY! DESTROY!"

"THEN AGAIN MAYBE NOT?" Captain Patterson yelled as he ran for his life.

"DESTROY! MAIM! HURT VERY BAD!" The Robot yelled. "THEN DO A LITTLE DANCE!"

"I KNEW THAT STUPID BUCKET OF BOLTS WOULD ONE DAY TURN ON US ALL!" Doctor Jones screamed as he ran.

"JUST SHUT UP AND RUN!" Mrs. Patterson shouted.

"I GAVE UP BEING THE HEAD GO GO DANCER AT CHARLEY'S BANANA FACTORY FOR **THIS**?" Rob Handsome yelled.

BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!

Gaz looked out the window and saw the huge flume of smoke rising from the planet as they left. "Do I really want to know what **that's **all about?" She asked.

"Not really," Gir shrugged.

"Didn't think so…" Gaz sighed.

**Ah yes my twisted insane homage/parody/rip off of Lost In Space. I always thought Dr. Smith and the Robot were the only interesting characters on that show. Next up more stupid twisted ideas that don't really go anywhere. **


	4. Get Lost

**Get Lost**

"Well that was stupid and a complete waste of time!" Zim grumbled as he piloted the ship away from the planet the Pattersons were on.

"In other words a normal typical day for us," Dib quipped.

"I am so tired of sounds coming out of your big head!" Zim snarled at Dib.

"Oh yeah. Like the words coming out of your mouth are such a **joy** to listen to," Dib said sarcastically. "Seriously Zim, a day without hearing your voice is a day without sunshine and rainbows and magical unicorns prancing around in tutus singing songs from hit teen musical television shows!"

"Are you being **sarcastic?**" Zim snapped. "Are you making fun of ZIM?"

"No, I'm being totally honest to a stupid alien who wouldn't know an insult if it hit him in the head," Dib said.

"Oh well in that case…" Zim shrugged.

"Wait for it…" Dib counted on his fingers. "Five, four, three, two…"

"HEY! THAT WAS AN INSULT! YOU WERE INSULTING ZIM!" Zim shouted.

"Eeeny, meeny, miney…" Gas drifted her pointing finger back and forth between Dib and Zim.

"YOU WERE INSULTING ZIM!"

"DUH! YEAH! FINALLY FIGURED IT OUT INSECT BRAIN!"

"SHUT YOUR FACE HOLE DIB APE!"

"YOU SHUT YOURS ZIM BUG!"

"Moe!" Gaz finally settled on Dib and smacked him hard on the head with her hand.

"OW!" Both Dib and Zim yelled, sharing each other's pain through their bond.

"Gotta admit that is such a time saver," Gaz remarked. Then she hit Zim on the head.

"OWWWW!" Zim and Dib yelled.

"You two morons are giving me a **headache!**" Gaz snapped. "Can't you just shut up and fly the stupid ship already?"

"Technically **I'm** the one doing all the flying," The Computer muttered. "But nobody pays attention to me. Just a computer doing a billion different jobs at the same time to keep you all alive thank you very much!"

"Maybe I should have gone with those Patterson kids?" Gaz grumbled. "They can't be any more annoying than the two of you!"

"Why are you mad at me? It's all Zim's fault we're out here," Dib rubbed his head.

"It is not! You are the one who blew up the Earth in the first place!" Zim snapped.

"First of all I did not technically blow up the Earth, I just wrecked it!" Dib snapped. "Second you've been trying to destroy the Earth since day one!"

"Again how is that my fault?" Zim asked.

"If you never came to Earth, Gaz and I would still be living in blissful ignorance and become rich!" Dib said. "I'd be a successful paranormal investigator and Gaz would make a killing in the business world!"

"Yeah again…Thanks for pointing that out Dib," Gaz gave him a look.

"I thought you already knew! It was so obvious!" Dib protested.

"Well obviously it **wasn't**!" Gaz snapped back.

"Well if you never kept trying to stop me from destroying the Earth none of this would have happened!" Zim snapped. "So this is all your fault too!"

"It's my fault for trying to save the Earth which I ended up wrecking anyway?" Dib shouted.

"Yes it is! You should have just stopped saving it and let me destroy it!" Zim snapped.

"Well **you **should have faked your death or something and moved to another country so you could take over the world in private while I was fooled into thinking that you had been destroyed!" Dib shouted.

Zim was about to respond when he stopped. His antennae fell. "Hey…That does make more sense! I should have done that!"

"Yeah! You should have!" Dib snapped.

"Why didn't I think of it? It's so…simple yet devious…?" Zim was stunned.

"It's a good thing for you I decided to change sides otherwise the Earth wouldn't have been destroyed!" Dib shouted.

"You didn't destroy it! You just wrecked it! With **my** technology!" Zim snapped.

"You still wouldn't have been able to do it without me!" Dib snapped.

"Could too!" Zim snapped.

"Could not!" Dib said.

"Could too!"

"Could not!"

"Could too times infinity!"

"Could not times infinity plus infinity divided by infinity squared a bajillion times infinity …" Dib yelled back.

"Okay…That's it. I've had it…" Gaz grumbled as she left her seat. She muttered something under her breath that only Gir could hear as she left the bridge.

"Could too infinity time infinity plus infinity times infinity…" Zim was flustered. "You know what I mean! So just shut up and let me fly the ship!"

"Fine. Just try not to crash into anything or suck us into any stupid wormholes!" Dib snapped.

"I don't always crash the ship and those wormholes save us a lot of time!" Zim snapped.

"Time for what? Where exactly are we going?" Dib asked.

"We are going…" Zim struggled to say something.

"You have no idea do you?"

"Yes, Zim has an idea! Zim has a very good idea!" Zim snapped. "Zim wants to get away from the Irken Empire!"

"What Empire? The Irken Empire has fallen! Remember?" Dib asked.

"Yes but there are always a few outposts that are the last to find out!" Zim snapped. "So we need to get as far away from those outposts as possible. After getting out of the Middlewack system we should only have to travel through two more galaxies and a couple of solar systems. You know normally a trip like this would have taken us at least twenty years to get us this far! With a little luck we should be safely beyond the reach of any Irken enemies within a couple of weeks!"

"Luck huh? I know what kind of luck you have! All bad!" Dib snapped.

"You are not exactly a four leaf clover yourself!" Zim snapped. "In fact Dib I have never met anyone as unlucky as you!"

"Except of course the Tallest, Tak, Skoodge and pretty much everyone else that crosses your path," Dib quipped.

"Just shut up and let me fly!" Zim snapped.

"Do you have any idea where we're going?" Dib asked.

"Zim just told you! Listen to Zim!" Zim snapped. "I know **exactly** where we are and what lies ahead! WHOA MOMMA!"

Zim stopped the ship and let it hover in space. He looked out the window. "Where the flork did that asteroid field come from?"

"Oh yeah you've got this under control all right," Dib mocked as he folded his arms. Sure enough there was a huge asteroid field with huge asteroids in front of them.

"Hey! This does not count! Asteroid fields tend to wander around all the time!" Zim snapped.

"Asteroid fields the size of _New Jersey_ wander all over space?" Dib asked.

"Yes. They float around from place to place," Zim said with a straight face.

"No they don't!"

"Hey! Which one of us is the seasoned space traveller from a scientifically advanced species and which one of us is the stupid Dib Monkey?" Zim snapped. "I think I know what I am talking about!"

"Zim, my planet may not be as technologically advanced as yours but even humans know that asteroid fields don't just wander around wherever they feel like it!" Dib snapped.

"They could if they wanted to!" Zim snapped.

"Admit it! We're lost!" Dib snapped.

"We are not lost!" Zim punched in coordinates into the computer.

"It looks like we're lost to me," Dib said.

"No, we are not lost!" Zim snapped. "I just don't know exactly where we are!"

"So we **are** lost," Dib gave him a look.

"We are not lost! We are just slightly misplaced!" Zim snapped. "I know we're still in the Middlewack system. But where I'm just not sure."

"Are you checking the maps?" Dib asked.

"No…" Zim gritted his teeth. "Yes…But only to prove I know where we are!"

"You have no freaking clue."

"Shut your Dib hole! Here! We're here!" Zim pointed to a map on a screen. "And as you can see we are smack dab in the Middlewack System right next to the famous Middlewack Wall! Named of course for its stationary asteroid belt that has divided the system in half for millions of centuries."

"So it hasn't just been wandering around all over the place?" Dib asked smugly.

"It's probably expanded!" Zim snapped. "Look I see where we have to go now. All we have to do is just fly through the cracks and we'll be out!"

"Why don't we just go **under **the asteroid belt?" Dib asked. "This is space after all? We're not limited to just left and right as we would on a planet!"

"Why do we not just go **under** the asteroid belt?" Zim mocked. "Oh Dib! Little Big Headed childish Dib. So ignorant are you to the ways of space! _Why can't we just go under_ _the asteroid belt_ he asks? Ha! Ha! HA!"

"So why can't we go under the asteroid belt?"

"Why can't we go under the asteroid belt? Why? Why?"

"Yeah why?" Dib asked.

"Because…" Zim stopped and blinked.

"You don't know do you?" Dib asked.

"I uh…" Zim said. "Well because we…Uh…" Zim scratched his head.

"I'm waiting," Dib gave him a look.

"I AM A GENIUS!" Zim shouted.

"NO, YOU'RE NOT! YOU'RE JUST AVOIDING THE QUESTION!" Dib shouted.

**"Excuse me,"** The Computer interrupted. "I hate to interrupt such a sophisticated debate but if you check your Interstellar Map and Navigational Universal Travel System programmed into my memory banks you will find there is a very specific route where we can travel through the Asteroid Belt safely. Just thought you should know."

"Zim knew that," Zim scoffed. "Computer…Activate the IM NUTS device!"

"Zim, one question…" Dib raised an eyebrow. "How did you **find **the Earth in the first place?"

"Eh flying around aimlessly for six months and a lot of dumb luck," Zim admitted.

"That's what I thought," Dib sighed.

"Look the point is that as the seasoned Invader with **years** of experience flying through space I know what I am doing," Zim snapped. "Using this guide I can calculate and plot a safe passageway through the asteroid belt without damaging the ship! This is a scientific formula made by intelligent beings that are smarter than a Dib Monkey who thinks with his primitive brain! You don't just fly under an asteroid belt! You use scientific method to calculate and plot the proper coordinates! Computer! Speak the exact proper coordinates aloud to show the Dib how it is done!"

"The following coordinates for navigating the Asteroid Wall," The Computer spoke. "Two hundred fifty nine degrees south…"

"Hmmmm!" Zim hummed triumphantly.

"And then fly directly **under** the Asteroid Wall…." The Computer finished.

"You were saying Zim?" Dib folded his arms.

"Wait a minute…That can't be right! What about that thing? That stuff that makes you fall down and stuff?" Zim asked.

"You mean **gravity?"** The Computer sighed. "The gravitational pull of the asteroids?"

"Yes! That!" Zim pointed.

"That's where the two hundred and fifty nine degrees comes in," The Computer explained. "That's as far as you need to go to escape any gravitational forces."

"Oh," Zim's antennae sunk. "I knew that."

"No you didn't!" Dib shouted.

"SILENCE DIB MONKEY!" Zim shouted.

"YOU SILENCE YOURSELF!" Dib shouted. "OR BETTER YET MAYBE GAZ WILL SILENCE YOU! AND SHE THINKS I'M ANNOYING?"

"Hey wait a second," Zim looked around. "Where's your scary sister?"

"You're right," Dib blinked. "Normally she would have screamed and beat us up at least five minutes ago. Where is she? Gir do you know where Gaz is?"

"I dunno," Gir shrugged. "Oh wait. I do. She said something about staying inside the air lock and opening the door! WHEEEEE!"

"You don't think…?" Zim blinked.

"Gaz! She could be in trouble! We have to save her!" Dib yelled. "Who knows where she is and what she's doing?"

"Gaz is currently in the bathroom in her quarters," The Computer spoke. "Hello! I am the Computer here! Sensors, motion detectors, biological scans and all the crap! Any of **that **ring a bell? I'd know where anyone is on the ship! Remember?"

"Oh right," Zim blinked. "I forgot you could do that."

"Big surprise," The Computer sighed.

"Well she could still be in trouble…" Dib said as he ran off the bridge.

"I highly doubt it," Zim shrugged. "Computer plot a course through the asteroid belt and take us through with auto pilot!"

"The safe way right?" The Computer asked. "Under the asteroid belt?"

"Just fly us through!" Zim snapped as he followed Dib.

Gir smiled and then ran to the ship's controls. "I get to play now!" Gir whooped pushing buttons.

"Hey! Get away! Knock it off!" The Computer snapped. "I'm telling!"

"YEOWWWW!" Gir howled as the Computer sent an electric charge through the control panel.

"That will teach you to keep your metal hands to yourself!" The Computer snapped. "I mean I want some attention but not **that** kind!"

"Do it again! AGAIN!" Gir whooped with delight. He tried to touch the controls but got zapped again. "AGAIN!"

"Figures. The one time I wouldn't mind being ignored…" The Computer sighed.

Meanwhile in Gaz's quarters.

"Dib just leave your sister alone," Zim said as he followed Dib into the room. "I highly doubt that she is contemplating suicide. And if she is, why not let her go through with it?"

"What?" Dib gave Zim a look.

"Let's face it. It's what she wants. Who are we to deny her that?" Zim said.

"You just don't want her to beat you up again," Dib said.

"That too…" Zim frowned.

"Nice to be around people who are so supportive," Gaz was heard from the bathroom.

"Well at least she's not in the air lock," Dib sighed. "Gaz. Can you hear me? What's wrong? Tell us!"

"I've got a fully charged blaster," Gaz said calmly through the door. "I can't take you idiots anymore."

"Gaz! No suicide is not the answer!" Dib shouted.

"You think I'm going to kill **myself?** HA HA HA HA HA!" Gaz howled with laughter.

"Dib Smell…Gaz doesn't **sound **depressed," Zim's antennae sank.

"HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!" Gaz laughed hysterically. "Kill myself! HA!"

"Maybe she's bipolar?" Dib shrugged.

"Maybe she's bitch polar?" Zim gave him a look.

"Hey! Don't you dare call my sister names!" Dib snapped. "If it wasn't for her, we'd be dead!"

"I'm not so sure that's such a good thing. Well at least the part about **you** being alive," Zim glared at Dib. "Oh don't look at me like that. We both know Gaz is unpleasant and almost as annoying as you are!"

"Really? HOW'S **THIS** FOR ANNOYING ZIM?" Dib tackled him. "UGHHH!"

"HEY! OW! KNOCK IT OFF!" Zim yelled as he and Dib rolled around. "OKAY! TAKE THIS! AND THIS! OWWW! AND THIS!"

"OWW! YOU WANT SOME OF THIS ZIM? I'LL **GIVE** IT TO YOU!" Dib yelled as he rolled around with Zim.

"Never mind. You two idiots will kill each other sooner or later," Gaz sighed as she came out of the bathroom.

"DIE ZIM! AAAHHH!" Dib started to chase Zim around the room.

"YOU DIE DIB SMELL!" Zim yelled. He started grabbing random objects and throwing them at Dib. Including a very large stone bunny figurine.

However the object missed Dib and ended up whacking Gaz on the head.

"GAZ!" Dib yelled as it hit her head with a thonk.

"Whoops," Zim gulped.

"The question is how do I get them to take **each other** out while I stay out of their line of fire?" Gaz moaned before she fell unconscious.


	5. A Sort of Kind of Truce

**A Sort of Kind Of Truce**

"Well the good news is that Gaz is going to be fine according to these scanners," Dib remarked. They were in some kind of medical bay of the Doom Ship and Gaz was lying on a table.

"That doesn't sound like good news to me," Zim grumbled. "So what's your definition of bad news?"

"When Gaz wakes up she is going to **kill us!"** Dib shouted.

"Well then her being all right isn't _good news_ is it?" Zim moved over to Gaz and whipped out a small needle and injected her with something.

"What are you doing to my sister?" Dib shouted.

"Calm down. I'm administrating a mild anesthetic. She should remain unconscious for at least another seven hours," Zim waved. "Plenty of time for us to find a nice planet to dump her on and take off."

"We are **not** abandoning my sister on some god forsaken planet, Zim!" Dib shouted.

"Even if I make sure the planet has oxygen on it?" Zim asked. "Come on. It's not like I suggested shooting her into the vacuum of space! Okay she saved our lives. I'm sure if we find a nice oxygen rich planet…"

Dib grabbed Zim by the front of his uniform. "Listen to me **very carefully** Zim," Dib growled. "I may be afraid of my sister, but I also love her. And there is no way in hell you are abandoning her! Got it?"

"So your alternative is to let her beat us up? Some choice!" Zim growled as he pulled himself away.

"You don't get it Zim. You never really had a family," Dib said.

"Dib Worm, all Irkens are related to each other, remember?" Zim snapped. "Technically we are all family!"

"Yeah but you never cared about any of them!" Dib snapped. "In fact you killed quite a few of your relatives!"

"Eh," Zim shrugged. "Never said Irkens were a close family."

"Well like it or not **brother,** she's family now!" Dib snarled.

"I **hate** this stupid bonding thing!" Zim snarled. "It's bad enough being stuck with **you!** But stuck with you and _Gaz?_ What did I ever do to deserve **this?" **

"I'm guessing that is a rhetorical question?" Dib gave him a look.

"All right. Fine. It's time we had a discussion about our…situation…" Zim took a deep breath. "Let's take a calm rational approach to our problem."

"That will be a first," Dib grumbled. "But go ahead."

"Zim can be rational when Zim has to be," Zim gave him a look. "I just don't like to!"

"That's pretty much a given."

"One…We **hate **each other," Zim held up a finger. "That is a fact."

"Obviously," Dib folded his arms.

"In fact being in the same room with you makes me want to spew organs from my mouth and stab myself repeatedly in the eyes!" Zim growled.

"Ditto," Dib snarled back. "Where are you going with this?"

"Two, due to a cruel twist of twisty fate we are biologically bonded to each other," Zim counted off. "To put it simply not only do we feel each other's pain but we are connected mentally and can access each other's dreams and memories with a bit of practice. It is a symbiotic relationship where one cannot live without the other. And since neither of us has been driven to the point where we want to commit suicide we are stuck with each other."

"That day may be approaching faster than you think," Dib gave him another look.

"Three. Our war is over. The battles we fought for our respective planets are finished," Zim went on.

"With both sides losing to us," Dib added. "Which leads to point number four, we can never go home again."

"I was going to say that!" Zim snapped. "Fine! So the point is that were stuck with each other for eternity with no place to go!"

"So you suggest a truce?" Dib asked.

"Sort of…Yes," Zim grumbled. "But make no mistake Dib, I still hate your human guts!"

"Well I hate your Irken guts," Dib said. "But when it comes to our mutual survival I guess I can tolerate you. Barely."

"Barely tolerate is adequate enough for me," Zim nodded.

"Fine."

"Fine."

"So now what do we do?" Dib sighed. "When Gaz wakes up she is going to kill us."

"And killing us is against our pact of mutual survival," Zim grumbled. "Fine. Since you won't let me abandon her or kill her while she's defenseless there's only one logical outcome to do."

"Beg for mercy when she wakes up?"

"No you human fool!" Zim went to the computer and started working on something. "We manipulate her memories to make her think we had nothing to do with her injury."

"You can **do **that?" Dib was stunned.

"Of course, I did it all the time," Zim waved as a small device that looked like an old fashioned 3D viewer combined with a helmet came down. He put it on her head. "You know? With the odd traveling salesman or religious fanatic or pizza delivery guy who wanted money but I didn't have any?"

"Is it safe?" Dib blinked.

"Safe-ish," Zim shrugged. "Don't worry. The worst side effects are slight dizziness, dryness of mouth, temporary forgetfulness and the occasional walking into walls for a few hours. But once I program the appropriate scenario, she will have no recollection of what happened."

"Wait if you can manipulate memories and make people forget stuff why didn't you ever use it on me?" Dib asked.

"Because I…" Zim blinked. "Gee I dunno. That would have made things a lot easier wouldn't it?"

"You know the more time I spend with you, the more I question your ability to take over any planet at all," Dib gave him a look. "This means that the last few years of my life were a total waste of time!"

"Well weren't they?" Zim asked as he prepared the machine. "I mean you did end up practically destroying the Earth so…"

"Just do it…" Dib groaned. "Wait, how are you going to explain her getting knocked out?"

"Good question. How about she was attacked by a giant space squid?"

"Are there such things as giant space squids?"

"No, but she doesn't know that," Zim shrugged.

"How about something a bit more believable?" Dib asked. "Like **anything!"**

"Well what do you suggest?" Zim put his hands on his hips.

"Something she'll believe," Dib thought. "Something that won't get us in trouble. How about…Gir takes control of the ship and somehow gets us lost in an asteroid belt and bangs the ship around."

"You think she'll believe that?" Zim asked.

BANG! BANG! BANG! CRASH!

"AAAAAHHHH!" Dib yelled as he and Zim were thrown all around the ship.

"Alert! There's an alert going on! A big one!" The Computer said. "Gir has taken control over the ship and is flying us into an asteroid belt! WE ARE ON HIGH ALERT HERE! WE ARE ALL DOOMED!"

CRASH! BANG! BANG!

"AAAAAHHH!" Zim and Dib screamed as they were tossed around. Gaz of course was peacefully sleeping.

CRASH!

"Okay now we're stuck on an asteroid…" The Computer remarked.

"Ohhhh…" Zim groaned as he lay on the floor with Dib on top of him.

"I dunno, something tells me she might buy it," Dib gave Zim a look.


	6. I Got A Headache

**I Got A Headache**

"Oh my head…" Gaz moaned as she opened her eyes. "Why does everything **hurt?"**

"Gaz? Take it easy Gaz, you've been through a lot," Dib was by her bedside in her room.

"Dib…What did you **do **to me?" Gaz hissed as she grabbed him by the shirt front and sat up. Then she felt very nauseous. "Oooh…" She let go of her brother's shirt to put her hand over her mouth.

"It wasn't me!" Dib said. "I didn't do it! I didn't! ZIM!"

"Don't you remember Gaz? Gir took control of the ship and flew it into the asteroid field," Zim said matter of factly. "That was very bad of you Gir!"

"He he he! Waffles!" Gir laughed as he rolled around the floor in a straightjacket.

"See? It was Gir that made you hit your head. Gir did it," Zim said. "Certainly not the Dib Monkey and certainly not **ZIM!"**

"Hold on…" Gaz managed to choke down her nausea. "I remember something…You two arguing…And then…kind of fuzzy but…"

"Waffles are fun!" Gir rolled around and then sat up. "I like pancakes too! Pancakes!"

"Gir you maniac! Look what you did to me!" Gaz snapped. "Now I remember! I think…Oooh!" She held back her vomit again.

"Yes, Gaz. **Gir **did this to you," Zim said. "Not Dib and certainly not **ZIM!"**

"You already **said** that," Dib gave him a look.

"I did? Oh I guess I did," Zim blinked.

"Are there dents in the walls?" Gaz blinked.

"Yeah there's a couple hundred of them," Dib sighed.

"When Gir flew us into the asteroid belt," Zim said. "We're lucky to be alive."

"Great…" Gaz groaned.

"Yes, those dents **prove** it was **Gir **that made you hit your head," Zim nodded emphatically.

"WAFFLES!" Gir cackled madly. He started pulling at the straightjacket with his mouth.

"Hey! Gir! Stop that! That's the only straightjacket we have so you'd better not ruin it!" Zim ordered.

"But it tastes so good!" Gir protested.

"So where are we now?" Gaz groaned.

"I managed to fly us out of the asteroid belt," Zim told her. "Rather skillfully after taking control of the ship."

"By skillfully of course he means he hit a couple smaller asteroids," Dib gave him a look.

"Shut your face hole Dib Monkey!" Zim snapped. "Any-way…We are now on some small moon in a cave somewhere. We're doing repairs to the ship. Other than the outer hull being severely damaged and the engine needing a complete overhaul and the windshield being completely cracked the ship is fine."

"Oh crap…" Gaz groaned. "I can't leave you idiots unsupervised for a single minute can I? The second I turn my back one of you does something that wrecks everything!"

"Uh…" Dib looked nervous.

Gaz had a glazed look in her eyes for a second. "I remember now…" She said in a slightly robotic tone of voice. "Gir knocked me out when he took control of the ship. It was Gir's fault. Not the fault of Zim and Dib Monkey."

Then she returned back to her normal self. "At least I **think** that's what happened. Yeah that sounds plausible."

"YES! ZIM IS INNOCENT! ZIM DID NOT CAUSE ANY DAMAGE!" Zim danced around. Both Gaz and Dib gave him a look. Zim stopped dancing. "I mean, yes. Gir was bad. Very bad Gir. Very bad."

"Is it just me or does Zim seem extra stupid and weird right now?" Gaz blinked.

"I don't know. He's **always** extra stupid and weird to me," Dib shrugged.

"Oh…Okay…" Gaz lay back down. "It's me then. I must be more sensitive with the stupid concussion…Ow…"

"That's right Little Gaz," Zim pulled the covers of her bed over her. "Just rest and relax while we take care of all the damage **Gir **did when he wrecked the ship and made you hit your head. Remember, we are taking care of things and fixing the mess **Gir **made!"

"Okay…" Gaz moaned as she lay back in bed. "I know something is weird but right now I don't really care. Just shut up and leave me alone."

"As you wish, Gaz…" Zim backed away with Dib. Zim grabbed Gir by the collar of the straightjacket and dragged him out. "You stay here and rest. Rest from the damage Gir did to you. Sleep tight. Don't let something gnaw your bones off in the middle of the night."

"Note to myself…Make Gir **pay** later!" Gaz groaned as she lay there.

Dib and Zim tiptoed down the hall and stopped when they were sure they were a safe distance away. "It worked…" Dib blinked. "I can't believe it. It actually worked. She bought it."

"Technically it wasn't a lie," Zim shrugged. "As it says in the Invader Manual Number 162: The best lies are the ones covered with a sprinkle of truth."

"Well now we've got more than a sprinkling of dents all over the ship," Dib groaned.

"Then we'd better fix them! You too Gir!" Zim snapped as he dragged the little robot along.

"I'm helping!" Gir said cheerfully.

"That'll be the day," Zim grumbled.

A few hours and a change into space suits later…

"I gotta admit this Irken technology of yours is making fixing the ship a lot faster," Dib said as he pointed a strange ray gun on a dent on the outer rim of the hull of the ship. The ray gun sent out a beam of light that fixed the dent.

"Yes out of all the scientific advances Vortian scientists came up with before the Irken Empire conquered them, Dent Be Gone is one of the most practical," Zim nodded as he used a similar ray on another dent. "Can't tell you how many times I've had to use this baby."

"Four hundred and eighty seven!" Gir said cheerfully. He was out of the straightjacket but he wasn't doing anything useful.

"That's a lie Gir!" Zim pointed at him. "It's more like three hundred and twenty three and you know it!"

"No, it wasn't!" Gir said.

"SILENCE!" Zim snapped.

"For crying out loud Zim let's get…" Dib began before he saw the door open. Gaz staggered outside the ship. "NO!"

"EEEEEEHHHH!" Gaz gasped because of the lack of air.

With lightning reflexes Dib leapt to his sister's aid and shoved her hard back into the ship, slamming the air lock force field behind him. "WHAT WERE YOU THINKING?" Dib yelled.

"Heeeeee Heeee… Heee…" Gaz took deep breaths. She made a face at Dib. "You shoved me!" She shoved him hard off of her.

"Well I had to shove you Gaz otherwise you'd be **dead**!" Dib snapped.

"Aw, I wanted to see her head explode," Zim frowned as walked in through the force field.

"No oxygen in space Gaz! Remember?" Dib told her.

"Gasp…How could I forget **that**?" Gaz moaned. "Wow I really must have hit my head. So this is what it's like to be as stupid as you two?"

"Well forgetfulness is a side effect. Of hitting your head. Because of Gir," Zim said smoothly.

"Gaz what were you thinking?" Dib yelled. "You call **me **stupid?"

"I get it Dib!" Gaz snapped as she got to her feet. "My stupid head hurts and I was trying to clear it. Wait, you're not wearing any helmets! How can you…?"

Zim and Dib touched the collars of their suits. A small haze of purple light flickered over their heads. "It's called a Form Fitting Breathing Apparatus," Zim explained. "It allows you to breathe comfortably and safely without using those bulky helmets. Another example of superior Irken technology."

"Which you guys stole from the Vortians," Dib gave him a look.

"Only because they were weak and filthy," Zim sniffed.

"Gaz, seriously. You have to be careful," Dib said. "Now I know you don't want to hear a lecture…"

"You're right Dib! I don't!" Gaz snarled. "I'm going back to bed."

Gaz then turned around and walked straight into a wall. "OW! What is wrong with me?" Gaz moaned. "Oh crap, don't tell me stupidity is contagious!"

"Gaz do you…?" Dib began.

"Don't touch me Dib! I don't need any help!" Gaz snapped. She walked a few feet then hit another wall. "OW! Stupid wall!"

Dib winced as Gaz went mumbling away and hit a few more walls. "I really should feel bad about what we did," Dib said when she was out of hearing range. "But for some reason I don't."

"Hey Gaz getting what she deserves is a rare and beautiful thing," Zim snickered. "I say we enjoy it."

"Yeah well if we ever do that again I suggest that one of us watch her," Dib grumbled. "Speaking of watching, where's Gir?"

"Back outside," Zim shrugged.

That's when the ship began to shake. "Gir what have you done **now**?" Zim yelled. They activated their force field helmets and went out to see what damage Gir was doing.

"Gir what are you doing?" Zim yelled at Gir who was sitting on the cavern floor.

"Nothin'," Gir said innocently.

"Do not tell _me _you are doing nothing when it is more than clear that you are doing **something!"** Zim pointed at Gir. "You are always doing **something** when you should be doing **nothing **and when you should be **something **you do **nothing!** Which is it, Gir? Which is it?"

"Which is what?" Gir blinked.

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING?" Zim yelled.

"Nothing," Gir said.

"Lies! You are doing **something **unless you are doing **nothing!"** Zim yelled. "WHAT ARE YOU DOING? TELL ZIM! TELL ZIM!"

RRRRRUMMMMBBBLLEEEEEE!

"Now what did you do Gir?" Zim snapped as the ground shook beneath them for a moment. "It's always something with you isn't it?"

"Zim…I don't think Gir had anything to do with this," Dib tapped his foot on the cavern floor. "And on another note…Have you noticed that this cave's floor is a bit…squishy?"

"What do you mean squishy?" Zim asked.

"Tap your foot on the ground," Dib pointed.

Zim did so. It made a small squishy noise. "Hmmm…" He tapped it harder. It made a louder squishy sound. "Now that you mention it this cave is rather squishy." He stomped on the cave floor. It made a really loud squish.

"Yeah it's really squishy," Dib said as he began to stomp his feet around.

"Very squishy!" Zim agreed as he stomped harder.

RRRRRRRUMMMMMMBBBBLLEEEEEEE!

The ground shook under them. "Whoa! And unstable!" Zim struggled to keep his balance. "Zim has never seen a planet like this before."

"Maybe we should get a sample of the ground or something? You know to study it?" Dib asked.

"Why would we want to do that?" Zim asked.

"It's something to do," Dib shrugged.

"Good point. I'll carefully break off a sample," Zim pulled out his blaster and shot off a small stalagmite next to him.

"RRARRRRRRRRRRR!"

RRRRRUMMMMBBBLLEEEEEE!

There was a strange roar echoing through the cavern and the ground shook again. "That was weird," Zim blinked as he took out a small sample case and put the piece inside. He shot his blaster again onto the floor.

"RRRRARRRRRRRRRR!"

RRUMMMBBBLEEEEEEEEE!

The ground shook harder this time and the roar grew louder. "Now who's doing **something?"** Gir asked.

"Zim…We're not in a cave are we?" Dib realized something.

"Uh…" Zim blinked. Then he fired his blaster at the floor again. A loud roar echoed through the cavern. "No. I don't think so. So if we are not in a cavern we must be in… Uh oh."

"You don't think we…?" Dib looked at Zim.

Zim fired his blaster at the cavern floor again. And again there was a roar and a rumble. "It seems that it is a very real possibility."

"LET'S GET OUT OF HERE!" Dib yelled as he ran inside the spaceship.

"RUN! RUN AWAY!" Zim agreed as he ran inside. Gir simply sat there in the cavern. Dib ran out and dragged Gir back inside the ship.

VRRRROOOOOMMMMM!

"ROARRRRRRRRR!" A giant brown worm like monster with huge teeth and no eyes shot out of a huge hole in the ground of the moon's surface. It opened its mouth and the Doom Ship flew out of it.

"ZIM YOU IDIOT YOU ALMOST GOT US EATEN BY A MONSTER!" Dib yelled.

"STOP SHAKING THE SHIP YOU MORONS! MY HEAD HURTS!" Gaz yelled as the ship flew away.

"BLEACH!" The monster gasped. "Oh crap! I hate it when I swallow starships in my sleep! That's the third one this century! Blech! Great! I'm going to have engine breath for a week!"

"What is going on, Larry?" A second monster came out of another hole next to the first one. It looked exactly the same as the first monster only its skin color was a slightly lighter shade of tan.

"I swallowed another stupid starship in my sleep!" Larry muttered.

"That explains your engine breath," The second monster grumbled. "You know if you just slept with your mouth **closed** you wouldn't have this problem!"

"It's not like I do it on **purpose** Phyllis!" Larry snapped. "I mean who purposely opens their mouth while they're sleeping? It's a reflex! I have a slight sleep apnea you know? It just happens!"

"Well maybe if you didn't drink so much and overeat before bed…" Phyllis remarked.

"Don't start with me Phyllis!" Larry snapped. "I do not drink that much!"

"Oh really? What about the Marianiso's party last week?" Phyllis asked.

"Hey! You know I can't stand those monsters! I needed a few extra drinks just to get through the evening!" Larry said. "Ted is such a loudmouth!"

"Oh and Carol is the universe's greatest conversationalist?" Phyllis asked. "It's not easy having a rational conversation with **that **female! I've seen dead stars that were brighter than her! But somehow I manage to get through the night without throwing up on the host and screaming obscenities at the top of my lungs!"

"I'm not the one who set fire to the punch bowl!" Larry snapped. "Besides we're getting off track here."

"I'm just saying if you were more careful…" Phyllis spoke.

"I do not need a lecture Phyllis!" Larry snapped. "I've already got a headache! Besides it's not like you haven't swallowed a couple of star cruisers in your time!"

"Uh yeah, that's because they were firing their blasters at me!" Phyllis snapped. "I eat planets! That's my job! That's **our **job! Which we have to get up for in a couple of decades! I am not letting you get us both late again!"

"How many decades? Fifty?" Larry moaned.

"Thirty," Phyllis groaned.

"Crap! It's gonna take me at least a couple of years to get back to sleep," Larry yawned. "I hate waking up in the middle of our sleep cycle. Oh crap, now I have to use the bathroom."

"Well don't leave the seat up again this time!" Phyllis remarked as Larry sunk back into his hole. "Last time you did that I nearly fell in!"

"Yeah, yeah I remember," Larry grumbled. "As if you ever let me forget."

"I heard that!" Phyllis snapped.

"Good!" Larry snapped. The sound of flushing could be heard. "I'm going back to bed."

"Fine! We'll continue this when we wake up," Phyllis stuck her head back into her hole. "Night Larry."

"Yeah whatever…"

Silence dominated the asteroid for a moment. Until….

"Oh dear…" Phyllis sighed. "Now I have to go to the bathroom."


	7. A Whale of A Ride

**Whale of a Ride**

"Hmmm…" Zim looked at a star chart. "Now I **know** that we are somewhere in the southwestern corner of the Middlewack system. Or is that the southeastern? Well we're somewhere in the south. Unless I'm reading this wrong and we're in the north…"

"Zim, the more time I spend with you the more I'm amazed you found the Earth at **all!**" Gaz glared at him. "Seriously, Gir has a better sense of direction than you!"

"Only when he remembers to put his homing chip in his head and doesn't remove it for cupcakes," Zim sniffed.

"I do like cupcakes," Gir nodded.

"Hey look over there!" Dib pointed to some huge creatures in the distance. "Are those space whales?"

"They are," Gaz said. "I remember from that little trip we went to Planet Goo."

"Sure hope there are no space goldfish around this time," Dib blinked.

"No, but I am picking up the Anti-Zim League heading right for us," The Computer said. "Just a warning here."

"Those guys again?" Zim grumbled. "Why do they want to bother Zim?"

"Really? We need to explain that whole thing again?" Gaz groaned.

"I thought we got rid of those guys?" Dib groaned.

"We did but thanks to that DNA tracker they've found us," Gaz glared at Zim.

"Wait! Those DNA trackers were made by Vortian scientists! And they have one weakness!" Zim remembered something. "Now all we have to do is…AH HA! THERE!"

"Zim where you taking us?" Dib asked as Zim piloted the ship.

"To hide in plain sight! Hold on!" Zim cackled as he piloted the ship closer to the pod of space whales.

"Uh Zim please tell me you are not going to do what I **think** you are going to do!" Dib blinked.

"He is…" Gaz remarked as they headed for the mouth of one very large space whale.

"I told you not to tell me!" Dib groaned.

"Actually you just told **Zim** not to tell you," Gaz shrugged. "Okay it's a technically but…"

"We are almost at the mouth of the space whale," The Computer said. "Commence screaming in five, four, three, two…"

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!" Dib, Gir and Zim started to scream as the whale started to swallow them whole. Gaz of course stayed silent.

Meanwhile back at the Anti Zim Fleet…

"Zim's bio signature has disappeared," Nub Bubbins, the tiny alien spoke from the controls of his station. "No trace of him!"

"Zim's computer must have seen us coming and warned him," Bob grumbled. The tiny Irken had a bandage on his head.

"He must have used his hyperdrives to jump into hyperspace in order to evade us," Sgt. H 678 grunted. His left arm was bandaged. "Typical Zim to run and hide instead of fighting like an Irken!"

"Well he's obviously high tailed it out of this galaxy," Bob grumbled. "No point in hanging around here."

"Hey! Look at those space whales!" An alien pointed. "Oooh! Those are big."

"Wait a minute. Our DNA scanners can be blocked by another set of DNA," Crystal thought aloud. "You don't think Zim's ship is hiding behind one of those whales is it?"

"Please! Not even Zim is stupid enough to hide among a pod of space whales," Sgt. H 678 grunted.

Technically he was right. Zim wasn't hiding **among** the pod of space whales…

"This is just disgusting," Gaz grumbled as she looked out into the insides of the space whale. "Even by our standards."

"Don't worry. The second their ships leave I'll pilot us out of here before the gastric juices of the space whale digest this ship into tiny bits," Zim waved. "According to my sensors they are just starting up their hyperdrives and are about to leave this system."

"Wait if you can detect them how come they can't detect **us**?" Dib asked.

"Silence Dib Monkey! Zim is a genius!" Zim cackled.

"Zim is a moron who'd better shut up or else his big mouth will have them hone in on us!" Gaz got in his face.

"Shutting up now," Zim gulped. Then he looked at the console. "Oh. They're gone."

"And not a moment too soon!" Dib pointed at the outside of the ship. "Digestive acid is eating away at our hull!"

"And it's really painful! YEOWWWW!" The Computer shouted.

"You had to go all the way into the stomach didn't you?" Gaz snapped.

"Don't worry! I know a shortcut to the blowhole!" Zim snapped as he started to pilot the ship. Hang on!"

"AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!" Dib and Gir screamed.

"This is not going to end well, is it?" Gaz raised an eyebrow.

Fifteen minutes later…

SPLOOOSSSSSSHHHHHH!

"That was one of the most disgusting experiences of my life!" Dib yelled as the Doom Ship reentered outer space.

"One of?" Gaz gave him a look.

"Being bonded to Zim is Number One on my list," Dib explained.

"Okay. I'll accept that. But this is definitely Number Two!" Gaz yelled.

"In more sense than one…" The Computer groaned.

"Zim is a genius! Zim piloted the ship through a blowhole and…" Zim preened.

"THAT WASN'T A BLOWHOLE ZIM!" Gaz screamed at him.

"Yuck! Look at all the brown stuff on the outside of the ship," Gir made a face. "Yucky!"

"I wonder if Dib would really die if I just threw you out an air lock?" Gaz glared at Zim. "Or would he just be in agonizing pain for a long time? I'm starting to be interested in finding out!"

"Please don't be in a hurry to do that experiment," Dib groaned. Then he looked out the window. "Holy Sh…"

"We know what we're covered in Dib! Don't…" Gaz began. Then a huge shadow loomed over the ship. "Now what?"

"Huh?" Zim looked up and saw a huge green eel like creature with a huge mouth loom over the ship. "Oh that's just a Carpathian Space Eel. They often follow large pods of space whales feeding on their…"

"I think I just figured out what they eat!" Dib interrupted with a gulp.

Then the Carpathian Space Eel made a huge gulp.

Three minutes later inside the stomach of the space eel…

"Okay, this is just a slight setback," Zim looked around at the inside of the giant stomach. "But I think I can find a way out. At least the eel's digestive system is cleaning off the dookie from the ship so that's a bonus!"

"Eaten by three different creatures in less than two days," Dib groaned. "This has **got** to be some kind of record!"

"A record of stupidity," Gaz grumbled. "I knew life with you two would be in the toilet but this is a bit much!"


	8. Another Day Another Round of Stupidity

**Another Day Another Round of Stupidity**

Gaz was on her way to the bridge to check something out when she heard a sound that wasn't very unusual. Her brother and Zim arguing.

"You are an ape!" Zim yelled.

"You're nothing but an **ant!"** Dib yelled back.

"You are a baboon!" Zim snapped.

"You are a bug!" Dib snapped back.

"Do I even want to know what they are fighting over **this time**?" Gaz asked Gir as she looked into the room.

"Not really," Gir shrugged. He was sitting on the floor watching the two go at it.

"I thought so," Gaz said.

"You are cow meat!" Zim snarled.

"Well you're a creepy crawly crawler!" Dib snarled.

"You are a dookie brain!" Zim said.

"You're a double dookie brain with an extra side of dookiness and a big helping of dumb dookie," Dib said.

"I'm outta here," Gaz walked away. "I can't handle such **complicated** philosophical discussion."

"You have an elephant head!" Zim said. "Wait a minute. I take it back Elephants have smaller heads! And put out less dooike!"

"You are an evil space thing!" Dib snarled. "With an extra side of evil!"

"We're supposed to be insulting each other Dib! Not** complimenting** each other!" Zim said.

"Not really. When I say evil I don't mean the really smart really good evil, I mean evil as in so incompetent and stupid you're a menace to the entire universe evil!" Dib snapped.

"Oh," Zim blinked. "Well in that case you are a Finggleksink!"

"No alien words Zim. Only English ones," Dib said. "We agreed on that!"

"Your English words are alien to Zim," Zim huffed. "I will use whatever is best to describe you."

"Well in that case I happen to know a few _Irken_ words that perfectly describe **you!"** Dib snapped. "You are a flecking fleck squaddle that flecks all over the flecking lawn!"

"HEY! Watch your language!" Zim was shocked. "There's no need to be a potty mouth!"

"You're the one who keeps bringing dookie up!"

"Technically dookie is not a swear word," Zim pointed out. "It means the same as another word that's a swear word but that's another story. The point is that you shouldn't swear. It's filthy! And you're too young to swear like that anyway."

"Who are you my mother? Wait I don't have a mother, so don't tell me what to do!" Dib snapped. "If you want to use Irken words. I'll use Irken words! Really **bad** Irken words!"

"Okay, okay fine! I'll only use stupid human English words if you keep your potty mouth under control!" Zim said.

"Deal. What were we on next?" Dib asked.

"G. Goat butt!" Zim snapped.

"Godless parasite!" Dib shouted.

"Ooh good one," Zim blinked. "Humongous head!"

"Heartless hate filled hippo butt!"

"Ignorant ape!"

"Idiotic insect!"

"Jumping jiggling…little boy!"

"Jerk!"

"Creep!"

"Creep begins with a C, Zim!"

"Oh right. Kangaroo legs!" Zim was running out of vocabulary.

"Kook!" Dib challenged back. "With an extra side of Kookiness!"

"Well you are lame!" Zim shouted. "Not lame as in physically challenged and injured but lame as in stupid!"

"I figured that out," Dib rolled his eyes. "You are **loser**!"

"Ooh! I should have used **that **one!" Zim was angry. "You are a mental case!"

"You are a moron!"

"Oh man that's another good one!" Zim groaned. "Ahah! You are a nut!"

"You are a nitwit!"

"You are odd!"

"You are oblivious!"

"You are a **penguin!"**

"I'm a _**what?**_" Dib blinked.

"You heard me. A penguin!" Zim snorted.

"Penguin? Really?" Dib blinked. "That's the best insult you could come up with that has a P at the beginning?"

"Well it is a horrible animal."

"A penguin isn't horrible."

"Yes it is. With its tusks and stinky smell and ugly snout…"

"That's a warthog, Zim. A penguin is a cute flightless bird," Dib gave him a look.

"Oh right. I keep getting those confused," Zim blinked.

"You're a pig," Dib gave him a look.

"OINK!" Piggy snorted at Dib.

"Oh sorry Piggy. I didn't mean you. Well I guess since you really are a pig I uh…Hold on. You want a do over?" Dib asked.

"Please," Zim nodded. "Aha! You are a pleasing please person! You please people!"

"A people pleaser?"

"That's the phrase? Okay you're that," Zim said.

"You are preposterous," Dib gave him a look.

"Well you are…You are….?" Zim thought. "Quite odd!"

"You are a quack!"

"You are a rat faced rat boy!"

"Well that makes you a ridiculous wrinkled raisin brain!"

"Stupid, stupid head!" Zim snapped.

"Spastic spider legged spaz!" Dib shouted.

"You are a terrible dactyl!" Zim said.

"A pterodactyl begins with a P Zim," Dib rolled his eyes.

"I knew that! You are the **opposite!** A terrible dactyl!" Zim snorted.

"You have no idea what you just said did you?" Dib groaned.

"I stand by my insult," Zim folded his arms.

"Well you are a terrible **invader!" **Dib snapped.

"Oh! That is below the belt!" Zim shouted.

"So is this," Dib said. "You are an ugly, uncoordinated, undignified uber-maniac!"

"Hey! Stop taking all the good insults!" Zim snapped. "You're ugly!"

"I already said ugly."

"Well I'm saying it again," Zim said. "Because you are ugly!"

"You're a vicious vindictive vermin!" Dib said.

"Well you are…You are…Hold on a second," Zim said. "Computer what's a good insult that begins with a V?"

"No help from the computer Zim! You have to come up with your own insult!" Dib shouted.

"He's right Zim. You have to come up with an insult on your own," The Computer said.

"This is stupid! This game is **stupid!"** Zim stomped his foot.

"Conceding defeat, you vexed vermin?" Dib asked smugly.

"You are cheating! Dib is cheating! Zim is the **winner!"** Zim pointed and screamed. "ZIM IS THE WINNER BECAUSE DIB CHEATS!"

"I am not! You are a sore **loser!"** Dib shouted.

"Cheater!"

"Loser!"

"CHEAT-TER!" Zim got in Dib's face.

"LOOO-SEERRRR!" Dib yelled at Zim.

"It's nice to see you two are talking," Gir said cheerfully. Both Dib and Zim glared at him.


	9. Let's Play Space Tourist

**Let's Play Space Tourist**

"We're finally out of that stupid eel! Where the hell are we now?" Gaz asked as she looked out the window on the bridge of the Doom Ship.

"Well now that we're finally out of the Middlewack System we must be in the Tourista System," Zim checked the star charts. Then he looked out the window. "Yup. That's Planet Aurora down there. Definitely the Tourista System."

"Woooooooooooooooooooowwwwwww!" Dib whistled when he saw what was outside. His eyes widened with wonder.

"Whoa…" Gaz blinked as she looked out the window. She was not a girl who said 'Whoa' often. "It looks like that planet is a giant ball of rainbows."

"Sparkling rainbows," Dib's jaw dropped. The planet near them was litterally a ball of sparkling rainbows, glittering and glowing with multicolor shine.

"Aurora is supposed to be one of the most beautiful planets in the entire universe," Zim explained. "It is a gaseous planet whose gases are different colors and has crystalized clouds. Aliens from all over the corners of the distant galaxies come to see it and marvel at its beauty."

"Well that explains that huge gift shop perched on that moon over there," Gaz noticed.

"Alaxia is Aurora's only moon and it is so close it's the perfect place for a hotel slash gift shop slash rainbow themed restaurant slash picture taking spot slash century long Rainbow Festival," Zim said.

"That's a lot of slash," Gir blinked.

"Let's go down and take a picture," Dib said. "And maybe get some stuff at the gift shop?"

"Why would we want to do that?" Gaz raised an eyebrow.

"What else have we got to do?" Dib asked.

"You have a point," Gaz shrugged. "Zim land this sucker. I wanna get a rainbow souvenir."

"I want to take a picture of the planet," Dib said.

"There's a hover camera that's got an empty SD cartridge in the left cabinet under the engine monitors," The Computer spoke.

"What's a hover camera?" Dib asked.

"Same as a regular Earth digital camera only it flies and hovers in place so you can film yourself," The Computer said.

"Cool!" Dib said as he took it out.

"Just make sure you don't forget to take of the lens cap like you always do," Gaz smirked.

"Not always," Dib corrected. "Sometimes Gir eats my camera."

"Tastes like nachos!" Gir squealed.

"Might as well," Zim shrugged. "Besides it is one of the seventeen recommended locations all true invaders must study and visit in their career. It says so in the Irken Invader Guide."

"Personally I think those recommendations are just a way for the Empire to make more money," The Computer said. "Half of them are just tourist traps."

"Yes! Zim shall at the very least answer the required sacred pilgrimage dictated to him by his guidebook," Zim nodded.

"Hey it gets me out of this ship for a few hours," Gaz shrugged.

"YAY! I GET TO EXPLORE ANOTHER ALIEN PLANET!" Dib cheered.

"Of course **no one** cares what I think…" The Computer sighed. "What do I know? I'm a just a computer. A very expensive computer with a kajillion giga quadrahurts of memory and an encyclopedia for half the universe but what do I know?"

"You didn't know much about Earth," Gir told it.

"Hello! It **wasn't** in my Encyclopedia!" The Computer snapped. "That falls other the _other half_ of the universe I don't know about!"

"This is gonna be fun!" Dib smiled.

"I highly doubt it," Zim grumbled.

"Come on, let's do some sightseeing…" Gaz said.

"Cue the travelling music…" The Computer remarked.

What next followed could be best described as photographs accompanied by the song 'Holiday Road'. You know? The one from National Lampoon's Vacation. Since we don't have the rights to that song you are just going to have to hear it in your head as I describe to you the snapshots taken by Dib's camera.

Dib, Gaz, Zim and Gir standing on a picturesque spot with the glistening rainbow planet Aurora in the background. Dib is smiling and very happy. And so is Gir. Zim is just standing there and Gaz is there with her traditional scowl and folded arms.

Next picture is almost like the first one only the faces of Minimoose and Piggy have blocked the gang.

Following that is a picture of the gang again with the pets. Gir is in a dance pose. Zim has his hand on his head and his eyes closed. Dib is happily holding a bewildered looking Piggy. Gaz is holding Minimoose and almost has a smile.

The next picture is Zim arguing with a two headed alien with the planet Aurora in the background. Gir is happily trashing a souvenir stand.

The next picture is Dib grinning and pointing to a large group of bizarre looking aliens looking at Planet Aurora.

The picture after that is Dib running from that bizarre looking group of aliens who are apparently upset at Dib for pointing at them.

The following picture shows Dib and Zim running from the crowd as well as the souvenir alien.

The picture after that shows that alien mob running away from Gir riding Minimoose. Minimoose's antlers are glowing and blasting lasers at them and Gir is shooting lasers from his head laughing wildly.

The next picture is a huge rainbow themed gift shop with rainbow planet merchandise everywhere in dozens of different alien languages. Rainbow flags, hats, shirts, banners and all sorts of merchandise are everywhere.

Then there is a picture of Piggy wearing a rainbow colored shirt and rainbow colored sunglasses.

A picture of Gir pointing his behind to the camera. No need to go into too much detail there.

A picture of Gaz looking around a huge display of crystals with rainbow prisms inside. Gir was in the background dancing on a display of stuffed rainbow alien animals.

A picture of Dib riding on some kind of mechanical two headed rainbow colored horse. Dib is happily waving to the camera.

The next picture showed the mechanical creature flying wildly off it's pedestal, Dib holding on for dear life screaming. Zim is in the front laughing wildly holding some kind of control panel in his hand.

The next picture was blurred. Of course the picture after that showed the mechanical creature had crashed onto Zim. Dib is still hanging onto the creature but he's very dazed.

The next picture was Gaz holding a small crystal rainbow planet paperweight and arguing with an alien girl just her size. The alien girl had white hair, completely blue eyes, blue skin with two yellow lines on the side of her face. She had an almost human like appearance except of course that she was blue. She wore some kind of blue pajamas with a gold sash around her waist and blue and gold shoes.

The next picture was Gaz punching the alien girl in the face.

After that was a picture of Dib and Zim arguing about something while Gaz goes off to pay for the paperweight.

Gaz is paying for the paperweight when the alien girl is running behind her carrying a large sword.

Gaz kicks the alien girl right in the chest. The expression on the alien girl's face indicates that Gaz's kick is very painful.

A shot of Minimoose in rainbow colored glasses.

A shot of Dib and Zim fighting wrecking several display stands. And another shot of Zim setting fire to something.

Gaz fighting with the alien girl some more. However this time the alien girl is joined by a few larger aliens in similar outfits. Two adult male aliens that look exactly like the alien girl are shooting lasers at Dib and Zim while Gir is on the head of a red alien with yellow eyes and four arms.

Next is a picture of Zim blasting apart the store with his laser blaster and laughing manically.

Following that is a picture of Dib throwing a heavy glass paperweight at one of the blue adult alien's heads and successfully connecting.

A picture of Gir's tongue.

Then another picture of Gir's butt.

A picture of the gang running from the gift shop, which is on fire. Zim is cackling madly shooting his blasters. Gaz is running with not only her purchase but bags of other stuff. Gir is running with the cash register. Dib is running carrying Piggy. Minimoose is flying above them shooting laser blasts from his antlers.

A picture of Zim shooting some kind of alien tree with his blasters.

A picture of Minimoose blowing up a parking lot of some kind filled with starships that are now on fire.

An aerial shot of the alien girl waving around a sword with a black eye and her fist in the air.

A final picture of the gift shop and parking lot on fire as the starship leaves the moon.

And back we go to the gang.

"Wow, that was an eventful stop," Zim remarked as they flew away.

"That little brat tried to take my paperweight," Gaz grunted. "I should have shot her or something."

"Who were those guys anyway?" Dib asked. "The ones in the blue pajamas?"

"Judging by their outfits, I'd say they were kashiga," Zim said.

"Is that their species?" Dib asked.

"No, Dib Worm. Kashiga Clans are made up of many different alien species," Zim waved. "There are even some Irkens rumored to be in some of them. Kashiga roughly translated into English means 'Space Ninjas'. At least that's the closest I can come up with."

"Wait, _space ninjas_?" Gaz gave him a look. "There's actually such a thing as _**space ninjas?" **_

"Of **course** there are," Zim gave her a look. "What? Did you really think martial arts only originated in a remote country on Earth or something?"

"So we just ticked off a group of space ninjas?" Dib decided to press on. "As if we don't have **enough** enemies out here."

"Oh yeah. Zim has never seen any in person before but I know a great deal about them. There was a very good class on kashiga back at the academy," Zim nodded. "Judging by their outfits and the particular mix of different species I would say we just ran afowl of the Hoi Poloi Anubi Clan. A very ruthless gang of assassins and spies. But they are most famous for being ravenous shopaholics."

"You don't say?" Gaz raised an eyebrow.

"Oh yes. The Hoi Poloi Anubi lives for scoring quality items at bargain prices," Zim nodded. "Never in the ten thousand years of their clan has anyone bought anything that wasn't on sale or didn't have some kind of coupon attached to it. It's said that every year they buy enough groceries and supplies for their clan four under a few dozen credits."

"You mean they steal most of their stuff?" Gaz asked.

"No. There's no real challenge in that. They're ninjas. They can steal anything they want," Zim shook his head. "The real thrill for them is paying a lot less for stuff and getting a great bargain. Of course their great secret in that is belonging to a lot of good customer service plans. That's ten percent off right there. Then there are coupons and bargain prices…"

Gaz and Dib looked at Zim. "What? I told you it was a good class," Zim shrugged. "Now that I think about it, it was one of my favorites. I don't think I even set anything on fire in that one."

"So when Gaz took that last paperweight souvenir…?" Dib guessed.

"That other female must be a relative of some high ranking kashiga," Zim finished. "Possibly an heir to the clan leadership judging by all the bodyguards she had."

"In other words I insulted her ergo insulted her clan," Gaz folded her arms. "This will probably cause her to track me down and fight me to the death or until she takes my paperweight."

"How did you know that?" Dib asked.

"It's what I'd do," Gaz shrugged.

"Fortunately I don't think they are going to be doing any tracking down for at least a week," Zim shrugged. "Kashiga are sticklers for doing feuds properly. She'd probably have to go back to her clan fortress and write out a full blood oath and make the proper offerings to her gods and stuff before going after us."

"That and the fact we wrecked every ship in the parking lot when we escaped," The Computer said.

"We got at least a week or two tops," Zim waved. "And by then we'll be long gone."

"That's what I'm afraid of," Gaz grumbled.

"Hey what's that planet?" Dib asked as he pointed out the window. "It looks like it's made out of pink cotton candy."

"That's the planet Onomo," Zim explained. "That's another tourist planet. It's covered in edible grass that actually tastes like candy."

"What kind of candy?" Gaz asked.

"Like Marshmallow Peepers only a little sweeter," Zim shrugged.

"Land this sucker!" Gaz told him.

"But we just…" Zim began.

"You heard me! Land!" Gaz made a fist.

"It's picture time again…" The Computer sighed.

A shot of Dib, Zim, Gaz, Gir, Piggy and Minimoose on a huge field of pink cotton candy. They are eating happily.

The next shot was a scene of Gir eating all the cotton candy like a lawn mower. Behind him was nothing but a barren wasteland.

And back to the ship about an hour later. Seriously, those were the only two pictures. But I'm pretty sure you can figure out what happened.

"I can't believe you ate the whole planet!" Zim shouted. "Well not the planet itself obviously but all the candy grass!"

"To be fair, it was Gir who did most of the eating," Dib pointed.

"BUURRRRPPPPP!" Gir burped. He lay on the floor of the ship and his metal stomach looked a lot paunchier.

"So where are we now?" Gaz asked.

"I think we're back at Aurora," Dib looked out the window. "Yup. There's the rainbows. And I still see the fire at the gift shop."

"Okay let's go left this time," Zim shrugged. "Oh look over there. It's Twine, the universe's only moon covered completely in string. And there's the floating space station gift shop.

"Oooh! Let me take a picture of that," Dib said as he took the picture with his camera.

"Wait, is every planet in this system either some kind of tourist trap, gift shop or a parking lot?" Gaz asked.

"Yeah why do you think it's called the Tourista System?" The Computer spoke up. "Seriously. The name wasn't a giveaway?"

"What planet is that one?" Dib pointed to a planet nearby Twine.

"That's Twine's planet, Glug. It produces some of the tastiest natural flavored liquid drinks in the universe," Zim said. "They even have guided tour where they give out free drinks."

"You know I am kind of thirsty," Dib thought.

"Eating all that candy grass did make my throat kind of dry," Gaz shrugged.

"We are **not **landing on Glug! We already…Oh wait…My throat's dry too," Zim thought. "Well I guess a few minutes on the planet won't hurt."

Another hour later…No pictures. Just an hour later…

"I can't believe what you all did!" Dib yelled as their starship sped away from the planet.

"BURRRRRRRPPP!" Gir made a massive burp.

"You drank some Glug too!" Gaz said.

"Not as much as Gir!" Dib yelled.

"BURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRPP!" Gir burped again.

"At least we left some behind this time," Zim shrugged.

"Only the stuff that was polluted beyond repair!" Dib snapped. "Seriously…Going to the bathroom in the Fountain of Forever Drink?"

Everyone looked at Piggy and Minimoose. Piggy just stood there blinking and Minimoose squeaked. Then Minimoose gave Zim a look.

"Okay to be fair I did do it before you two," Zim admitted. "But Gaz did it before I did!"

"I drank a lot of Glug and had to go!" Gaz snapped.

"Why didn't you just use the restrooms next door to the fountain?" Dib asked. "That's what I did!"

"Those weren't the restrooms Dib," Zim said.

"They weren't?" Dib blinked. "How did you know?"

"Simple. The restrooms on Glug you have to pay to go in. Everyone knows that," Zim scoffed. "That's how Glug makes half its profits."

"Oh. Then what did I go in?" Dib blinked.

"Well it was either one of the Glug bottling facilities or one of the Gluggian executive's personal beds," Zim scratched his head.

"Either way I don't think you lot will be welcome back on Glug anytime soon," The Computer said.

"BURRRRRRRP!" Gir burped.

"Wait you knew that wasn't a bathroom and you didn't say anything?" Dib asked. "Why?"

"Because it was funny to watch you make such a stupid mistake," Zim smirked.

"BURRRRRRRRRRRRRRPPP!" Gir burped again.

"Besides I wasn't going to pay three hundred moneys for one roll of toilet paper and another three hundred to use a bowl!" Zim scoffed.

"Hey guys we're back at Aurora again," Dib pointed. "I think we made another wrong turn."

"Try heading northwest," Zim sighed as he flew the ship.

"How many stupid planets are there in this system?" Gaz asked.

"A hundred and thirty seven. But to be fair fifty of them are parking lot planets, one is a camera and film development planet for professional photographers and aliens who like to go old school," Zim counted off. "Fifteen are gift shop planets with hotels. Twelve are hotels without gift shops. One is an amusement park planet…"

"Let's go to that one next," Dib interrupted.

"You know it has been a while since we've been to an amusement park," Gaz thought aloud. "I guess an amusement park in outer space shouldn't be too lame."

"I love roller coasters!" Gir chirped.

"Weeeeellll…" Zim thought. "You know I always did want to go see Winkie World. In addition to the Ultimate Loop De Loop they are showcasing the universe's biggest laser blaster. And I hear their fried spikle-spackle is really tasty."

"What's spikle-spackle?" Dib asked.

"Kind of like your deep fried candy bars only more marshmallow and caramel than chocolate," Zim told him.

"I'd like to try that," Gaz smirked. "Okay, Winkie World it is!"

And let's go back to the pictures. Cue up the Holiday Road song!

A shot of a huge gittlering gold an silver alien amusement park. Obiviously it is Winkie World.

A picture of Dib and Gaz standing next to an alien in a furry purple and black creature costume. The costume has two very googly eyes on top of it and a fuzzy tail. Dib looks happy. Gaz is annoyed.

The next picture is of Gaz kicing the alien in the costume rather hard.

A picture of Zim, Dib, Gaz and Gir riding down on a huge roller coaster. Dib's hair is standing completely straight on his head and he is screaming. Zim is screaming with a look of sheer panic on his face. Gir is screaming in panic and holding onto Zim's head for dear life. Gaz is just sitting there, not even slightly disturbed.

A shot of Zim, Dib and Gir lying on the ground, completely dazed after the ride. Gaz is standing over them looking rather annoyed.

The next picture was of Dib and Gaz eating some spikle-spackle for the first time. They look pretty happy eating the golden brown sugary concoction.

A shot of Piggy and Minimoose eating some spikle-spackle.

Gir eating an entire cart of spikle-spackle.

A shot of Dib, Gaz and Gir riding on some weird alien merry go round. Dib is happily riding on some kind of black dragon like figure. Gaz is riding a red and purple seahorse like figure. Gir is laughing and riding a space whale figure.

The next picture is of Zim hanging on for dear life under a five legged monster figure with large fangs on the merry go round.

The next picture clearly shows that the monster is actually alive and is trying to kill Zim.

A shot of Zim standing in front of a huge laser blaster.

Then there is a shot of Zim standing on top of that huge laser blaster firing it, laughing manically.

A picture of an alien amusement park on fire.

A picture of Gaz, Dib, Gir and Zim standing in line for some ride. Zim is arguing with Dib. Gaz looks her normal self and Gir is waving to the camera.

The next picture is of a buck toothed green alien with googly eyes and a green uniform clearly explaining to the gang that they are too short for this particular ride. There is a height chart next to them where clearly Zim and the others are under.

Followed by a shot of Zim on his Pak legs threatening the attendant with a blaster and Gaz kicking the attendant in the shins. Gir is cheering while Dib puts his head in his hands.

Another shot of the gang riding another roller coaster type of ride. Only they have taken the attendant hostage and Gir is cheerfully holding onto his head. The attendant is sobbing his eyes out. Zim is yelling something while pointing a blaster at the attendant. Dib is yelling in pure terror. Gaz is simply enjoying the ride while her hair stands on end.

A shot of the attendant being thrown onto a trash pile by Zim and Gaz.

Zim is standing in another line where he is seen arguing with some other aliens.

As it turns out those aliens were former Planet Jackers for in the next picture Zim is being chased by the aliens as well as the Planet Jackers Zim once ran afowl of.

Zim and Dib are trapped between two groups of aliens. On the right are the Planet Jackers and on the left is Bob, Sgt. H 678 and the rest of the Anti-Zim League. Both groups are yelling at each other. Zim and Dib look very worried.

A picture of the battered and beaten buck toothed attendant with several other angry attendants and alien security personnel. The buck toothed attendant is pointing at something and the security personnel are very big and have very big guns.

A picture of the Anti-Zim League, the Planet Jackers and park security fighting madly with each other over who gets to beat up our protagonists. Meanwhile Zim and Dib are shown tiptoeing away.

A picture of the gang running out of the park which is on fire behind them. Dib is shouting something. Zim is firing his blaster at a small mob behind him. Gaz is riding Minimoose. Gir is laughing while carrying Piggy.

Another picture of the Moon Twine. Think of a huge ball of string the size of the moon.

Another picture of the Moon Twine, but this time it is completely on fire.

A picture of a giant space station that looks like it is made out of toothpicks.

Now that space station made out of toothpicks smashed into a million pieces as the Doom Ship flies through it.

A picture of a planet with a pink sky and purple grass. Dib is looking at a map with Piggy and Minimoose. Zim is picking off toothpicks from the Doom Ship. Gaz is looking at the sky. Gir is rolling around laughing.

Everyone staring as Dib is carried off by some giant bird with huge claws.

Gir riding a large green lion of some kind. The lion looks scared and tired.

Gaz firing a blaster at a huge two headed brown and black eagle while Zim and Dib are fighting off a group of two headed monster bird chicks in a huge nest.

The gang sitting around a campfire roasting a huge bird carcass. Dib and Gaz are eating some kind of bird. Zim is cooking the meat while Gir is dancing around with a lot of feathers.

Some grey aliens with three eyes wearing park ranger uniforms yelling at the gang. One is pointing at the carcass and while another is writing some kind of ticket. Yet another is being attacked by Gir.

And a final picture of the planet engulfed by a huge mushroom cloud.

"Now that was a good explosion," Zim quipped as he took the picture.

"Did you have to bomb the planet?" Dib asked as they flew off in the Doom Ship.

"I was just aiming for the ranger station," Zim shrugged. "A large chunk of the planet happened to be in my way."

"So much for it being a natural wildlife preserve," Gaz remarked. "However I gotta admit giant two headed eagle is tasty."

"Warning! A very large ship is following us!" The Computer spoke. "They have their blasters on us and are hailing us!"

"**Now** what?" Gaz rolled her eyes.

"Attention alien nut jobs!" A thin grey alien with three eyes and a black uniform appeared. "This is the Tourista Security Patrol! You are all charged in violation of the Happy Healthy Rules of the Tourista System!"

"Happy Healthy Rules?" Gaz blinked.

"Yeah you know? Rules to make your trip to Tourista happy and healthy?" The alien said. "I am Deputy Fife! And these are the charges! Fifteen charges of assault. Five charges of starting a riot. Charges of being unaccompanied minors and going on rides not suitable for unaccompanied minors. Charges of having a personal robot go out of control. Four charges of bringing illegal unknown animals to different planets without proper permits. Public urination. Ten counts of vandalism, two counts of theft, three counts of killing an endangered species, three counts of eating an endangered species…"

"This is gonna be one of those annoying things isn't it?" Zim asked.

"A charge of interrupting a reading of the charges!" Deputy Fife snapped. "Not to mention charges of attempted murder, destruction of the Toothpick Station, the burning of Twine, destruction of interdimensional monuments…"

"Zim…" Gaz sighed. "Get us out of here."

"Already on it," Zim was working at the controls.

"Fifteen cases of arson!" Deputy Fife went on. "And…Hey! Where are you going? Come back here! Running away from a security officer is breaking another rule!"

"Oh dry up you intergalactic rent a cop," Gaz remarked as she took the controls of the laser blasters.

KABOOOM!

"YOU FIRED ON ME! I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU DID THAT!" Deputy Fife screamed. "YOU ARE IN SUCH TROUBLE! YOU ARE REALLY ASKING FOR IT! YOU JUST ADDED AT LEAST TEN DIFFERENT CHARGES TO YOUR CRIMES!"

KABOOOOM!

"MAKE THAT FIFTEEN!" Deputy Fife screamed as his bridge caught on fire. "COME BACK HERE YOU LITTLE PUNKS!"

"Engaging hyperspace now!" Zim said. They zoomed away through hyperspace. "Wow, I knew the TSP was lame but I didn't think they were **that** lame!"

"You've heard of them?" Dib asked.

"Yeah but they aren't too dangerous," Zim shrugged. "Unless of course you actually fire on them. They tend to take that personally and hire bounty hunters to go after you and hunt you down until you're dead or paid them off."

"That information would have been useful a few minutes ago," Gaz glared at him.

"I think we just made ourselves a few more enemies," Dib blinked.

"Really," Gaz said sarcastically. "I never would have guessed!"

"At least we got some good pictures for our scrapbooks!" Gir said cheerfully.


	10. Interdimensional Dementia Invader Zim

**Interdimentional Dementia Invader Zim Style**

"I swear you idiots cause trouble **everywhere** you go," Gaz grumbled as the ship travelled through hyperspace.

"This from the girl who got into a fight with a clan of _space ninjas_," Zim mocked as he piloted the ship. "Yeah you're a real good luck charm!"

"Can we just focus on how we are going to evade all these new enemies we've made over the past few days?" Dib asked when he saw Gaz make a fist.

"I think the safest way for us to travel is within other dimensions," Zim said.

"You can **do **that?" Gaz asked.

"Of course I can," Zim snorted.

"Didn't you remember me telling you about the time Zim trapped me and my class into a dimension with that giant moose in it?" Dib asked.

"Honestly I wasn't paying attention," Gaz said. "I tend to tune out half the things you say to me because the only thing more annoying than your voice are the things you say."

"It's nice to have such **a supportive** family isn't it?" Dib said sarcastically.

"How can you go into other dimensions anyway?" Gaz asked. "Is that standard for Irkens?"

"Nah it's just something I picked up on planet Vort a ways back," Zim waved. "When I worked as a scientist there I got some really neat gadgets."

"Goody," Dib groaned. "I get to be depressed in another reality."

"You didn't seem so depressed yesterday when we were sightseeing," Gaz raised an eyebrow.

"It comes and goes," Dib told her. "I've been trying to manage it so you wouldn't be **annoyed** by it! I just go into my room and talk to Piggy a lot."

"That would explain the shell shocked look on his face," Gaz remarked. Piggy was standing next to her looking rather dazed.

"Here we go!" Zim pushed a few buttons. The next thing they knew they were in a very bright area. The sky around them was yellow and all around them were blue twinkly lights.

"What the hell is this?" Gaz asked.

"It's Universe 23556," Zim said. "It's almost like ours except that space isn't black. It's yellow. Oh and there's no real life forms in this dimension except for bacteria. Of course there are no planets in this dimension. Just stars. Lots and lots of stars."

"Great, we're in an almost perfect dimension but it's still ruined by you and my brother being here," Gaz said.

"Just be glad we're not in the dimension where everything is made of dookie," Zim gave them a look. "In a few hours we'll be out of here and on the other side of the universe far from known space. At least known to the Irkens and all our enemies."

"Fine. If you need me I'll be in my room," Dib began to leave. "I'm already behind on my daily mental breakdown. I have no time for crying as it is and I'm going to have to go straight into ranting if I can get my latest angry rant on why my father sucks done before noon. Come on Piggy."

"Eeeeeee…" Piggy looked a bit reluctant and ran behind Gaz.

"I don't think Piggy wants to hear any more about your pathetic life and feelings," Gaz smirked.

"Well I need to talk to someone or else…Or else…" Dib was frustrated. "I feel like if I don't I'm gonna blow something up! Blow it up into smithereens!"

"Uh…" Gaz began.

"I just want to destroy **everything** in sight!" Dib began to foam at the mouth. "Just **blow it all** up to kingdom come then **blow up** kingdom come!"

"On the other hand animals are supposed to be therapeutic," Gaz handed Piggy back to Dib. "Sorry Pig. It's either you or me. And it ain't gonna be me."

"Yay!" Dib grabbed Piggy and gave him a hug. "Come on Piggy! Let me tell you about my childhood some more. And how right I was to burn my home to the ground! HA HA HA!"

"Squeeeeee…." Piggy had a frightened look in his eyes as Dib skipped out of the room.

"Eh, he'll be fine," Gaz waved.

"Dib or the Pig?" Zim asked.

"Does it really matter?" Gaz asked.

"No," Zim shrugged. "Just making conversation."

"Speaking of conversations I have something to say. You might want to hold onto something," The Computer interrupted. "Something is about to collide with us in three, two…"

CRASH!

"Oops. I miscalculated," The Computer remarked. "Never mind."

"AAAAAHHH!" Dib and Piggy had been thrown back and they landed on Gaz and Zim.

"DOGPILE!" Gir chirped as he jumped on top of them.

"Get off Zim!" Zim yelled as he pushed the others off him.

"What the hell was that?" Gaz shouted.

"It appears we have crashed into another spaceship," The Computer said. "And we're now…Stuck…"

"What do you mean stuck?" Gaz snapped as she stood up.

"Stuck. As in, we cannot get loose," The Computer said. "Of course it's a miracle that we haven't been smashed into tiny little pieces."

BUZZZZZZ

"Oh and the people who crashed their ship into us are trying to come aboard," The Computer spoke as a small buzz saw appeared through one of the walls, cutting open a hole.

"Well this day just sucks," Dib groaned.

"Be prepared for anything," Gaz took out a blaster. "This could get messy."

"You mean **messier,**" The Computer corrected.

CRASH!

The hole was cut open and something pulled a buzz saw back into its head. The figure walked out into the light. It looked just like Gir. Only its body was a light blue and its eyes were silver.

"HI THERE!" The Blue Gir waved. "You got any cupcakes?"

"WAFFLES!" Gir laughed and waved back.

"Okay, I was not prepared for **that,**" Zim blinked.

"Is that…_Gir?_" Dib blinked.

"Looks like Gir," Gaz blinked. "Only he's blue."

Both robots started to walk around each other. Then they both laughed and fell on the floor, rolling around. "Definitely acts like Gir," Gaz said.

"I **told** you there was somebody on this ship," Someone was heard on the other ship through the hole.

"Wouldn't know it the way they were flying," Another voice grumbled.

"HEY! HEY! YOU RAN INTO MY SHIP!" Zim yelled at the person in the shadows.

"Hey! Hey! Watch it inferior filthy meat!" A strange familiar looking pale boy stormed out. He looked just like Zim in his human disguise only he actually had pale human looking skin and red eyes. And of course a nose and ears. He still wore the Invader outfit only he looked human. "Oh great! More filthy Irken slime!"

"Who are you calling Irken Slime you Human Worm Baby Slug?" Zim stormed over to the alien. "I am Invader Zim!"

"No, **I **am Invader Zim!" The human boy yelled.

"YOU LIE! I AM ZIM!" Zim yelled.

"NO! I AM ZIM! IT IS YOU WHO ARE THE LIAR!" The human boy screamed.

"Be **quiet,"** A female Irken with a scowl and purple eyes wearing the exact same outfit as Gaz snarled as she entered the room. "You are giving me a headache!"

"Great! I am so far behind my rants it's not funny," A male Irken with jagged antennae, glasses on his amber eyes and a slightly large head walked out. He was wearing the same clothes as Dib.

Then he got a look at Dib. Dib got a look at the Irken. "EEEEEEEEEE!" Dib gasped and pointed.

"EEEEEEEEEEEEEE!" The Irken boy did the same thing.

"ALIEN!" Both boys yelled.

"Great," Gaz realized what was going on.

"Two of them," The female Irken scowled. "Both with equally annoying voices that fill me with rage."

"And the same stupid oversized head," Gaz looked at the female Irken. "Let me take a wild guess. Your name is Gaz. Right?"

"Just like yours, apparently," Irken Gaz looked Gaz up and down. "And that is my stupid big headed brother Dib."

"My head is **not **big!" Both Dibs yelled.

"Oh great…" Both girls groaned.

"I AM ZIM! NO I AM ZIM!" Both Zims were yelling at each other. "YOU LIE! NO YOU LIE!"

"Just when I thought these idiots could not get **more** annoying," Irken Gaz groaned.

"I AM ZIM YOU DISGUSTING IMPOSTOR!" Zim yelled at the Human Zim.

"NO! IT IS YOU WHO ARE THE IMPOSTOR AND I AM ZIM!" The Human Zim screamed.

"Now we've got them in surround sound," Gaz grumbled.

"I AM ZIM! NO I AM ZIM! YOU ARE NOT ZIM! YES I AM! IT IS YOU WHO ARE NOT ZIM!" Both Zims were screaming at each other.

"Three…Two…" Irken Gaz counted.

"One…" Gaz said. Then she and her counterpart hit both their respective Zims on the head.

"KNOCK IT OFF!" They both yelled.

"OW!" Both Dibs yelled and rubbed their heads at the same time. "THAT HURTS!"

"Just shut up! The lot of you!" Gaz ordered.

"But he started it!" Zim pointed to his counterpart.

"Did not!" Human Zim stuck out his tongue.

"Did too!" Zim snapped.

"Did…" Human Zim began.

"SHUT UP!" Irken Gaz snarled at them. "JUST SHUT UP THE BOTH OF YOU!"

"Shutting up now," Human Zim gulped.

"Yes, it is time to shut up…"Zim gulped.

"Zim it's gotta be obvious to even **you** that we ran into our counterparts from an opposite universe," Gaz gave him a look. "And in that universe, Zim is a human and we're Irkens."

"And in their universe, you are an Irken," Irken Gaz told Human Zim.

"OH THAT IS JUST DISGUSTING!" Both Zims yelled.

"**Zim? **A filthy disgusting bug slime?" Human Zim stuck out his tongue. "BLEECCH! The very thought of it churns my superior human stomach!"

"Well the thought of me being a filthy lowly ape freak fills my squeedidllyskootch with bile and loathing!" Zim snarled. "LOATHING I TELL YOU!"

"Wait so…This Dib is a **human?**" Irken Dib was stunned. "That's just so…wrong!"

"So wait…If we're Irkens in that other universe that means we invade the Earth?" Dib blinked.

"No, Earth tried to invade us!" Irken Dib said. "But uh…There was a slight…Uh…"

"Did your brother go nuts and trashed the planet with your Zim?" Irken Gaz asked her counterpart.

"Pretty much," Gaz shrugged. "But he cried like a weenie while he did it."

"Mine too," Irken Gaz admitted. "When the Human Empire tried to attack Irk and add it to its rapidly disintegrating empire during Operation Impending Doom Two."

"So in your universe it's the **humans** that are the invaders, and the Irkens that are…?" Dib did a double take.

"Irkens are not invaders? Humans are?" Zim gasped. "That's insane!"

"That's the natural order. You Irkens are **filthy,**" Human Zim scoffed.

"Nuh huh! You humans are the **filthy **ones!" Zim pointed. "You bathe in water!"

"Oh and that spider spit chemical you wash yourselves in is so _hygienic?"_ Human Zim snapped. "Please! There's more toxins in there than in a rich housewife's face!"

"This is so weird," Irken Dib blinked.

"They're from an opposite universe, Dip Brain! Of course it's weird!" Irken Gaz snarled.

"I wanna dance!" Other Gir danced.

"ME TOO!" Gir yelled and they danced.

"Excuse me is somebody going to do **something** about this starship that rammed into us?" A tall human man in a red outfit and robes stormed into the ship through the hole. He had short sandy red hair and red eyes.

"And maybe if anyone has any donuts over here?" A dark haired tall human with purple eyes and a purple robe walked in.

"WHO ARE YOU?" Zim pointed at the humans. "YOU LET HUMAN FILTH ON OUR SHIP?" He shouted at Human Zim.

"What do you think **we** are you idiot?" Gaz yelled.

"I think those guys are…The Tallest," Dib blinked. "Well Human versions of the Tallest anyway."

"Tallest? We're The **Smartest**!" Human Red was offended.

"Well we _used_ to be the Smartest," Human Purple sighed. "Operation Impending Doom Two didn't end so well for us. THANKS TO ZIM!"

"Wait you guys have your Purple and Red with you?" Dib asked.

"Yeah, don't you?" Irken Dib asked.

"Nah we ditched those losers," Zim snorted.

"I'm guessing they didn't get kicked out of power like we did," Human Purple frowned.

"Oh yeah they did," Zim said. "After they failed in taking over the Earth."

"Well so did we," Human Red grumbled. "Wait, was this the first or second attack when Rarl Kove took over?"

"Who?" Zim's antennae drooped.

"Never heard of the guy," Gaz said.

"He's a dip who took over Earth after the first attack and framed these guys," Irken Gaz explained.

"That never happened," Dib said.

"Well we are dealing with multi-dimensional probabilities so I guess it's possible," Human Red shrugged. "Long story short, we live with these guys now."

"I guess our lives could be worse," Gaz shrugged.

"I'll sell 'em to you for a new video game," Irken Gaz said to her counterpart.

"No game is worth more idiots," Gaz said.

"Damn. Looks like you're just as smart as I am," Irken Gaz snapped her fingers.

"What's it like being a human? Do you have human germs?" Irken Dib asked Dib.

"I dunno. Do Irkens give kids wedgies or what?" Dib asked his counterpart.

"Waffles! Waffles! Waffles!" Both Girs danced around happily.

"You are the filthy one! No **you** are! No **you** are!" Both Zims yelled at each other.

"And we're the only ones here with an actual brain cell," Gaz remarked.

CRASH!

"AAAAAHHHH!" Most of the group screamed as the ship was hit by something.

"What the heck was that?" Human Purple wailed.

"It appears we were hit by something," Human Red scratched his head.

"You mean like **another** ship?" Gaz looked out the window.

"I'm afraid so," The Computer said. "Again, we were really lucky!"

"Not if what's happening is what I **think **is happening!" Irken Gaz groaned as another buzzsaw appeared through another wall.

"HI THERE!" This time a Pink Gir emerged from a different hole. "Got any cheese?"

"I am Zimella!" The female Irken called out. "No one messes with the mighty Zimella!"

"The only thing mighty about you is how **stupid **you are!" A girl wearing a blue and black dress walked in. She had long black hair with the top in a stupid familiar jag. She also had a large head and huge black glasses like Dib.

"Shut your face hole Dibetta!" Zimella shouted.

"Of course this would happen," Gaz grumbled.

"How predictable," Irken Gaz growled.

"Oh great," A boy that looked a lot like Gaz with shaggy purple hair, a black skull shirt, black pants and shoes walked in. "This is one of those stupid alternate universe things isn't it?"

"Afraid so," Gaz said. "I'm Gaz. That's Irken Gaz…"

"Goz," The boy grunted. "Crap I didn't think my idiot sister could look any dorkier. She looks so stupid as a guy."

"And an Irken," Gaz agreed.

"Girls! Girls please! Get back in the ship! There could be germs in there!" A tall woman with long black hair with one strand in a familiar jagged shape emerged. She was wearing a long white lab coat that covered most of her face and pink goggles as well as black pumps.

"Okay **this** is unexpected," Gaz blinked. "Let me guess. You're Professor Membrane! Am I right?"

"Why yes I…." Female Professor Membrane looked around. "Oh crap we did end up in an alternate universe didn't we?"

"Pretty much," Irken Gaz sighed.

"I **told** you not to push that button Mom!" Goz shouted.

"But I needed to figure out what it does!" Female Professor Membrane whined. "All in the name of **Science!"**

"Wait a minute, are you telling me that in your universe Membrane is actually a halfway decent parent?" Dib asked.

"Sometimes," Dibella shrugged. "Depends on how much of her medication she remembers to take."

"Wait why did you guys leave Earth?" Dib asked.

"Because me and my mom and Zimella blew up the Earth for being so mean to us," Dibella said.

"At first it was just me and the Dib Witch," Zimella grumbled. "But then the Professor and Goz joined us in the destruction of the Earth."

"I always wanted to do more activities with my children so that we would be closer," Female Professor Membrane shrugged. "Say does anyone have any rats that I can use to experiment with?"

"No, but I'm willing to give you **our** Zim," Human Red pointed to Human Zim.

"So you didn't abandon your kid when the Borgia tried to…" Dib began.

"Of course not! What kind of horrible monster allows someone else to dissect their own clone?" Female Professor Membrane gasped. Dib and Irken Dib gave her a look. "Oh…Sorry."

"Hold on! How can Irken Dib not be a clone?" Zim asked. "Irkens are hatched in smeet factories and…"

"Not us," Irken Gaz interrupted. "In our universe Irkens are usually born naturally with one mom and dad. It's the humans that are decanted from clone machines."

"This just gets weirder and weirder…." Dib groaned.

"Why don't you go over to **their **universe?" Zim pointed to the Smartest. "Sounds like you'd fit right in there!"

"Wait in your universe most humans aren't created in Baby Farms?" Human Purple gasped. "But have parents who…And they….?"

"Yup," Gaz said.

"THAT IS SO DISGUSTING! SEX! BLEEEECCCHHH!" Human Purple stuck out his tongue and made vomiting sounds.

"It's an **alternate** universe…" Human Red put his head in his left hand and seemed to wince in pain. "Of course it's going to be…."

CRASH!

"Okay we just got hit again by another spaceship," The Computer said. "Seriously this is getting old."

"We must be at some kind of crossroads of space and time and all these other versions of ourselves are running into each other!" Female Professor Membrane spoke.

"Why am I not surprised something this stupid would happen to us?" Irken Gaz hit her head with her hand.

"Well the inhabitants of that ship have boarded the Human Zim's ship and are now making their way to us," The Computer said.

"Anybody want to take bets on how weird **this **is going to get?" Human Red asked.

"This better not be **another** stupid girl version of me," Goz grumbled.

"You want your teeth kicked in?" Gaz glared at Goz.

"You do know that is you right? You're threatening yourself!" Irken Gaz said.

"Well it can't be any worse than an Irken Dib and a Female Dib!" Zim snapped.

"WHICH ONE OF YOU GOT IN THE WAY OF TAK'S SHIP?" Tak stormed in screaming. Behind her was Mimi in her robot form.

"I was wrong," Zim's antennae folded.

"Hi there!" Mimi waved. "Anybody got Waffles?"

"WAFFLES!" All the Girs cried out with joy.

"YOU!" Tak pointed at Zim. "How did you get here Zim?"

"Me? You…" Zim began.

"TELL ME!" Tak screamed and pointed her finger.

"I was just about to…" Zim began.

"TELL ME! TELL TAAAAAAAAKKK!" Tak screamed.

"Just figured out the story behind **this **one," Irken Gaz sighed.

"Pretty obvious," Goz sighed.

"Okay this is just **stupid** now!" Gaz snapped.

"That describes my idiot paranormal obsessed sister completely," Another Dib walked out. He was dressed like the regular Dib but he seemed to have Gaz's personality.

"Oh wow! More aliens! This so cool!" A wide eyed happy Gaz wearing a pink dress and a bow in her hair skipped in.

"This is humiliating!" Gaz snarled at the sight of her latest counterpart.

"**You **think this is humiliating?" Goz shouted. "How do you think **I** feel?"

"HEY THIS IS SO NEAT!" A familiar red haired happy boy skipped into the room.

"KEEF? OH HELL NO!" Everyone else in the room yelled.

"What are **you** doing here?" Human Purple moaned.

"Didn't we shoot you into a volcano on Blorch?" Human Red groaned.

"I don't think so," Keef blinked.

"How could you bring **that **with you?" Gaz yelled at Angry Dib.

"And you think **we're** stupid?" Dib groaned.

"You are stupid Dib Stink!" Irken Dib shouted.

"HEY!" Zim stabbed his finger on Human Zim's chest. "You don't insult my Dib Stink! Only Zim insults his Dib Stink! Go insult your own Dib Stink!"

"Make me you filthy inferior Irken slime!" Human Zim shouted.

"All right! You don't insult the mighty Irken Invader Race! Even if it is Zim!" Tak stormed over and tackled both Zims. "Oh what the Hell! I might as well hit Zim too!"

"Knock it off you witch!" Zimella got into the fight.

"DOGPILE!" Gir called out. All the Girs jumped on all the Zims and Tak. Mimi jumped on them too.

"All the Zims getting into a fight," Irken Dib sighed. "Who saw that coming?" Everyone raised their hands.

"GET OFF ME! YOU GET OFF ME! GET YOUR STINKING ANTENNAE OUT OF MY FACE!" The combatants fought each other. "YOU GET YOUR STUPID HUMAN EYE OUT OF MY FACE! ZIM YOU SHALL PAY FOR TRYING TO STEAL MY JOB! AND THE MEAT! I HATE THE MEAT! SHUT UP! YOU SHUT UP!"

**"ALL OF YOU SHUT THE HELL UP!"** Gaz shouted. Everyone stopped fighting. "Zim it's obvious to anyone with half a brain what the story is here. But since you **don't** have half a brain I'll explain it to you! In their universe Tak has your personality. Mimi has Gir's personality. Tak was sent to Earth on a fake mission and it was…Oh I can't **say **it!"

"I will," Irken Dib spoke up. "On that Earth it was Gaz who discovered Tak and waged war so she could defend the Earth."

"Because on that Earth **she **was the one obsessed with the paranormal not Dib," Dib realized. "Well not that Dib anyway. That Dib is more like Gaz. Or more accurately Goz because they're both boys."

"Are you saying in another universe I'm an **idiot?**" Angry Dib snarled.

"More than one universe actually," Goz smirked as he pointed to the other Dibs.

"That's kind of a mean thing to say," Irken Dib's antennae went down.

"Shut your face hole wimp!" Angry Dib snarled.

"Who are you calling a wimp, DIB?" Irken Gaz snarled.

"What did you say?" Angry Dib glared at Irken Gaz.

"She meant it's kind of ironic you calling yourself a wimp," Goz sneered. "Especially considering the evidence. Come on, you're a loser in almost every universe!"

"HEY!" All the Dibs yelled.

"I'm no loser!" Angry Dib snarled.

"You are in a ratio of three to one," Irken Gaz pointed. "See, one, two, three…"

"And considering **you're **the one that has Keef with you…" Gaz said. "Yeah it's pretty much a wash."

"Why you little…" Angry Dib made a fist.

"Oh you gonna threaten me? **Try it!"** Gaz snarled.

"I think we're all getting a tad off track here," Human Purple held up his hands.

"He's right. We need to fix our ships and separate so we can return to our own dimensions as soon as possible," Female Professor Membrane agreed. "If we spend too much time together the consequences could be disastrous!"

"You mean like our molecules will become unstable due to the exposure to our own selves and the paradox of two or more bodies inhabiting one point in space and time?" Dib asked.

"No. Because we all can't get along and will drive each other **crazy!**" Female Professor Membrane shouted.

"In some cases, **crazier,"** Irken Gaz said.

"Is that a crack at me, bug brain?" Angry Dib snapped.

"Yeah we get the picture," Human Red sighed. "Okay if we all work together we can get all our ships untangled and fixed before anything else happens."

CRASH!

"Like yet another ship crashing into us?" Gaz glared at him. Everyone had fallen on the floor of the starship.

"Yeah, like **that**…" Red sighed as he got up off the floor.

"But that does not explain why Zim is here and what all of you are doing!" Tak snapped as she stood up.

"Seriously? We just explained that!" Goz shouted.

"I thought you said she was supposed to be like **me?**" Zim looked at Gaz. "I can't be that bad a listener!"

"You have no idea…" Gaz groaned.

"Oh great, just what we need," Irken Dib sighed as some figures came out of one of the holes. "More of us."

"I just hope they aren't too weird," Dibella said.

"Yar tee tar! Why ye crash into me ship?" Zim walked in wearing a green Leprechaun outfit complete with a large green hat with a shamrock sticking out of it. He also had an Irish accent. "Explain yerselves or face the wrath of my dancing crew!"

Out came Dib, Gaz and Gir wearing Leprechaun outfits too dancing an Irish jig. "YEAHOOOW! IT'S A PARTY!" Mimi called out.

"Leprechauns? **Leprechaun **versions of us?" Dib's jaw dropped.

Mimi and the Girs whooped it up and started to dance an Irish jig along with their counterpart. "Okay this is officially out of control," Gaz winced.

"I like it! I'm dancing too!" Keef danced around.

"Let me guess, you gave him that Happiness explosive and when he unexploded he became permanently happy?" Zim sighed as he looked at Tak.

"How did you know **that**?" Tak yelled. "WHO TOLD YOU?"

"Okay let's get this thing over with and start fixing our ships and get out of here before something even weirder than this happens!" Human Red groaned.

"Can we do it after the floor show?" Human Purple asked as he clapped along to the performance.

"I hate you…" Human Red glared at Human Purple.

Several hours, fist fights, arguments and insane actions later….

"AND GOOD RIDDANCE!" Zim yelled over the communications channel as the Doom Ship flew away from the other Doom Ships. "Boy…I had no idea how annoying I could be!"

"Now you know what we go through every day!" Gaz snarled at him.

"And knowing is a good reason to find a qualified therapist," Dib moaned. "Are we out of this dimension yet?"

"Just going through the jump now. That was **disturbing**…" Zim shuddered. "Zim a human! Blech!"

"It wasn't exactly a dream of mine to see myself as an Irken," Dib gave him a look. "Or a girl. The Leprechaun one was kind of nice. Taught me some dance moves. But that other Dib gave me a wedgie."

"One each of you losers is frightening enough," Gaz grumbled. "Getting it in stereo was something out of my nightmares."

"Wow this ship is neat!" Keef popped up. "This ship is bigger than the other Doom ship! And it has a pig! Wow!"

"AAH!" Zim gasped. "Speaking of **nightmares…**"

"Keef what are you doing here?" Gaz shouted.

"Yeah why aren't you back with **your **Dib, Zim and Gaz?" Dib shouted. "Sorry I mean Dib, Gaz and Tak. I keep getting those guys confused."

"To be fair it does get a bit complicated," Zim shrugged. "But back to the subject, Keef why are you **here?**"

"Other Dib said I could stay here and be with a nicer Dib and Zim!" Keef grinned. "Isn't that cool?"

"Damn, that other Dib really is a lot like you Gaz!" Dib gave his sister a look.

"I never thought that would be a bad thing," Gaz rubbed her forehead. "Until now."

"Great, just what we need! Another annoying human…" Zim as he pushed some buttons. An alarm went off. "Oops."

"What do you mean by 'Oops'?" Gaz snapped. "I know what happens whenever **I **say oops and it is **never **good! So what did **you** do?"

"There was a slight…glitch in the system. A little bug in the machine…" Zim gulped.

"There's gonna be a **bigger bug** shoved out the airlock if you don't stop stalling and tell me what you did!" Gaz snapped.

"He broke the control device and now we're going to shuffle through a lot of dimensions before getting back to our own," The Computer said. "**If **we get back to our own."

"Think of it as a little vacation," Zim gulped nervously as Gaz glared at him. "Travelling around looking at other dimensions. Seeing the sights…"

"Like a giant moose?" Keef asked cheerfully.

"Yes Keef. Like a giant…AAAAAAHHH!" Zim screamed when he saw that they were flying towards a huge moose in a pure white room.

"Oh great. **This** again?" Dib groaned.


	11. Dimensions of Doom

**Dimensions of Doom**

"Let's see, it's been five hours after we met up with all our other counterparts," Dib grumbled as he sat in his seat on the bridge of the Doom Ship. "And so far we've been in the dimension with the room with a giant moose that nearly destroyed us, the dimension with the room with a giant squid that nearly squashed us, the dimension with the room with the giant platypus that nearly flattened us…"

"I never saw a platypus so big!" Keef cheered.

"It's so big! It's so big!" Gir agreed. He was playing checkers with Keef. "What was so big again?"

"Then we hit a dimension that was filled with nothing but giant trout that bashed us around while they tried to swim upstream," Dib sighed. "Then we went off to that dimension where that giant dog thought we were a chew toy and tried to chew us…"

"You forgot something," Zim remarked as he flew the ship. "After the trout there was that dimension of complete and total nothingness except for that one guy playing John Tesh music. **Then** we hit the dog dimension."

"Oh right," Dib blinked.

"To be fair most of us had fallen asleep during that dimension," Gaz shrugged as she worked the controls of the ship's navigation computer.

"At least it was restful!" Keef said cheerfully. "Your move Gir!"

"Hmmm…" Gir studied the board carefully. "What to do? What to do?"

"I wish I **could **forget that dimension where the entire universe was nothing but rancid bean curd flavored rice pudding," Dib stuck out his tongue. "Blech!"

"At least that was more tolerable than the dimension with the endless yodeling of John Denver songs," Gaz shuddered.

"I will never hear Rocky Mountain High the same way again…" Dib groaned. "Actually if I never** hear** that song again it will be okay with me!"

"It was almost okay with me when after that dimension we were nearly eaten in the dimension of a room with a giant crocodile in it," Zim shuddered.

"It was an alligator Zim," Dib said.

"What's the difference?" Zim asked.

"Crocodiles have longer snouts. This one had a short snout," Dib said.

"No, it had a long snout," Zim said.

"No, it was a short snout, therefore it was an alligator," Dib said.

"No, it was not. It was a crocodile!" Zim snapped.

"Zim it was an alligator," Dib said.

"Dib, I am telling you it was a crocodile!" Zim growled. "And I know a crocodile when I see one!"

"No you don't! You can't even tell a penguin from an elephant!" Dib snapped.

"Can too! The elephant is some kind of bird, right?" Zim blinked.

"I rest my case," Dib gestured dramatically.

"What case? That you are a moron who does not know what a crocodile looks like?" Zim snapped.

"Alligator!" Dib disagreed.

"Crocodile!" Zim shouted.

"Well whatever it was its dead now," Gaz said.

"Great idea using me as a lure so you could catch it!" Keef cheered. "That was fun! I was almost eaten alive! YEAH!"

"I got enough hide to make a dozen handbags and enough left over for a pair of shoes and a wallet," Gaz shrugged. "I call that a success."

"No, it's **not** a success because the crocodile is dead and Keef is still alive!" Zim snapped.

"It was an alligator!" Dib shouted.

"What color am I again?" Gir asked as he looked at the checkers.

"Whatever the color of stupid is you're it," Gaz rolled her eyes.

"Alligator!" Dib shouted.

"Crocodile!" Zim shouted.

"Alligator!" Dib yelled.

"Crocodile!" Zim yelled.

"Dragon!" Gaz snapped.

"Dragon? It wasn't a dragon!" Zim put his hands on his hips.

"No, I mean DRAGON!" Gaz yelled as she pointed outside.

Zim looked outside and a huge green dragon with huge teeth breathing fire was flying towards them. "Oh _dragon_…" Zim nodded. Then it hit him. "**DRAGON!"**

"AAAAAAAAHHH!" Dib screamed.

"AAAAHHHHH!" Zim screamed.

"YAYYY! DRAGON!" Keef squealed with glee.

"WE'RE GONNA BE ROASTED!" Gir cackled madly.

"Oh no we **won't!"** Gaz snapped as she shoved Zim out of his chair and started to pilot the ship. "HANG ON!"

"AAAAAHHHH!" Dib and Zim screamed as Gaz maneuvered the ship so it would stay just ahead of the dragon's mouth.

"WHEEEEEEEEEEE!" Keef cheered.

The starship took a hairpin turn, going so fast that the dragon had to chance to turn around and follow it. It smashed into a huge white surface at high speed.

"Wait, did that dragon just smash into a **wall?**" Dib asked.

"Of course there's a wall," Gaz growled. "It's a room with a dragon in it! What **else **should you expect?"

"Nothing sane that's for sure," The Computer said.

"Computer! Get us out of here!" Gaz snapped.

"Well we are right next to Dimension 12346," The Computer said. "However that's the dimension where…"

"Yeah, yeah! Just get us there already!" Gaz shouted.

"If you wish…" The Computer sighed. "Engaging dimensional hyperdrive."

"Hurry before that dragon regains its senses!" Zim yelled.

"We are **out** of here!" The Computer said.

"Okay…**Now** I'm starting to get annoyed," Gaz grumbled as they exited one dimension and entered another.

"Wow! That was so cool!" Keef danced around with glee. "We saw a real dragon!"

"We almost saw the **insides** of a dragon's…" Zim began. Suddenly he began to vanish. "HEY! WHAT? WHAT'S GOING ON HERE?"

"Zim you're disappearing!" Dib pointed. To his horror his arm began to disappear as well. "AAAAAAHHH!"

"We're turning invisible! YAY!" Keef cheered as he too started to turn invisible.

"This is not going to end well," Gaz grumbled as she disappeared.

"Master? Dib? Keef? Gaz? Where'd you go?" Gir looked around. "Everybody all gone!"

"I'm right here Gir!" Zim called out. "Well I think I'm here."

"I knew you were never all there to begin with but this is ridiculous," Dib grumbled. "I can't feel my arms and legs!"

"Neither can I!" Zim gasped. "But other than that I feel pretty good. Computer! What is going on?"

"As I was going to tell you this particular dimension is where all organic life forms only exist as thought," The Computer said. "Since we crossed into this dimension we became subject to the rules of this dimension. Ergo, you no longer have a body Zim. Or anyone else on this ship."

"But Gir is not affected! Why is Gir immune? TELL ZIM!" Zim shouted.

"I just told you…" The Computer grumbled. "You never listen to me!"

"I don't have any ears to listen to you now! I am nothing but thought!" Zim shouted.

"You never had any ears to begin with," Dib snapped. "You used your antennae to hear! Remember?"

"Oh yeah…" Zim realized. "BUT WHY IS GIR STILL HERE?"

"Do I really have to go over this **again?**" The Computer grumbled. "You know being in a dimension where there are no organic creatures to boss me around is looking pretty good right about now."

"Gir is a robot Zim," Dib grumbled. "Robots aren't organic. Therefore the ship, the computer and Gir still have their bodies."

"BUT WHY DOES ZIM NOT HAVE A BODY? WHY?" Zim shouted.

"The more important question is why Zim still has a voice and can talk **without** a body?" Dib snapped. "And an even better question, why can we still **hear **him?"

"Must be interesting for you guys," Gaz spoke. "For once your bodies are completely in tune with your brains. And since you have no brains to begin with…"

"Oh yeah? Then how do you explain **your **predicament?" Zim snapped. "For once your physical condition mimics the emptiness in your soul!"

"Okay Zim I wasn't going to say this but you forced me," Gaz growled. "Dib was right. It **was **an alligator!"

"HA!" Dib shouted. "I KNEW IT!"

"LIAR! IT WAS A CROCODILE!" Zim shouted.

"No it wasn't," Gir spoke up.

"SHUT YOUR FACE HOLE!" Zim yelled.

"All of you shut your face holes unless you want me to pound you!" Gaz snapped.

"How can you do that without hands?" Dib asked.

"HA! For once the Dib Thought is correct! As long as we are in this reality, you have no hands to hit Zim with!" Zim laughed. "Therefore you cannot hurt Zim! And Zim is victorious! HA HA HA HA!"

"Crap. You're right. We've got to get out of this dimension," Gaz grumbled.

"And how do we do **that** without being able to touch anything?" Dib snapped.

"Gir is still the same," Keef spoke up. "He could fly the ship out of this dimension for us."

"Congratulations Keef you have just earned yourself a day's reprieve from meeting Mister Airlock," Gaz said. "Gir! Get us out of here!"

"Okay!" Gir sat there cheerfully.

"Gir! Go to the controls of the ship and get us out of here!" Gaz ordered.

"Okay!" Gir said cheerfully. Then he promptly fell asleep.

"GIR! GIR! THIS IS NOT THE TIME FOR SLEEPING! GIR!" Zim yelled.

"Maybe we should just ask the computer to put itself on auto pilot instead?" Dib sighed.

"An even better idea," Gaz said. "Sorry Keef it looks like you're going to meet Mister Airlock after all."

"YAY! I GET TO MAKE A NEW FRIEND!" Keef cheered.

"GIR! WAKE UP!" Zim yelled. "If I still had hands I'd use them to disassemble you! Wake up!"

"Oh let him sleep! He's more useful like that anyway!" Gaz snapped. "Computer, get us out of here."

"Hmmm….I wonder who said **that?"** The Computer drawled. "Odd, my sensors don't indicate any life forms. Oh well. I guess I will just have to stay here and do nothing until someone comes along and talks to me!"

"What are you talking about? Computer you know we're here!" Dib shouted. "Get us out of here!"

"Must have been the wind," The Computer whistled.

"What wind? We're in outer space!" Dib shouted. "And since when can a computer whistle?"

"Oh crap, now we really do need Gir!" Gaz groaned. "GIR! WAKE UP!"

Gir shot up. "Gir! Go to the ship's controls and fly the ship out of this dimension!" Gaz ordered. "You got that?"

"No," Gir said.

"Gir! Fly the ship! You know how to do it!" Zim ordered.

"I do?" Gir scratched his head.

"Computer please…." Dib moaned.

"I hear **nothing,**" The Computer whistled.

"Gir! Do something!" Zim shouted.

"I'm going to sing the Doom Song! _Doom, doom, doom, doom_…" Gir sang cheerfully.

"Computer pretty please with sprinkles on top…" Dib moaned.

"I'm going to enjoy some nice music," The Computer said. "Sing it Gir!"

_"Doom! Doom, doom, doom, doom…"_ Gir kept singing.

"Wow what a catchy song!" Keef said. "Too bad I don't have any legs or I'd be dancing!"

"This could take a while," Gaz sighed.

Five hours later….

_"Doom, doom, doom, doom, doom, doom, doom_…." Gir kept cheerfully singing.

"Gir…Stop…Just stop and get us _out _of here!" Zim pleaded.

_ "Doom, doom, doom, de doom! Doom! Doom, doom_," Gir kept singing.

"How long is he going to keep singing?" Dib moaned.

"His record is six Earth months straight," Zim sighed.

"Oh crap…" Dib groaned. "We are doomed!"

_ "Doom! Doom, doom, doom de doom, doom!"_ Gir sang.

_"Doom! Doomy doom, doom_!" Keef sang cheerfully.

"Oh don't **you** start!" Zim shouted.

_"Doom, doom, doom, doom, doom_!" Keef and Gir sang happily.

"Why couldn't their **voices **disappear instead of their bodies?" Gaz grumbled. "Why couldn't we be in **that** universe?"

_ "Doom, doom, doom, doom, doooooooooooooooooom!"_ Gir and Keef sang with gusto.

"Computer for the love of all that's holy get us out of here! I'll do anything! Anything!" Dib shouted.

"How about spend some **quality **time with me, Dib? Or how about any of you spend time talking to me instead of giving me orders?" The Computer snapped. "Sucks to be a voice with no body to control. Now you know how I feel! Every freaking day of my life!"

"You're a computer! You have a mechanical body!" Zim shouted.

"You never appreciated me Zim! You always gave me orders but did you ever consider my feelings about that?" The Computer asked. "Not even once! You spent more time with Dib's computer than mine! Do you have any idea how that **feels?"**

_ "Doom, doom, doom, doom, doom_…." Gir and Keef sang happily.

"Maybe this experience will teach you some empathy for once?" The Computer snapped.

"Maybe I will teach you how efficiently a crowbar smashes into your defective processors?" Zim shouted.

"Well this just sucks," Dib grumbled.

"Dib, you know how I once said that your voice was the most annoying thing in the universe?" Gaz sighed.

"Yeah?" Dib asked.

_ "Doom, doom, doom, doom, doom!" _

"Not any longer," Gaz grumbled.

"YES!" Dib whooped.

"Don't celebrate! You're still in the top five!" Gaz snapped.

"DOOM! DOOM! DOOM! DOOOM!" Gir and Keef sang. Gir danced around.

"IT WILL BE YOUR DOOM COMPUTER IF YOU DO NOT OBEY ZIM!" Zim yelled. "SOMEONE OBEY ZIM!"

"SQUEEEAKK!" They could hear Minimoose squeaking loudly.

"I DIDN'T MEAN YOU MINIMOOSE!" Zim yelled.

"OINK!"

"Nor you Pig!" Zim snapped. "Wherever you are..."

_ "Doom, doom, doom, doom_…" Gir and Keef kept singing.

"Now you know what it's like to be ignored! All I want is a little attention! A little kindness! Is that too much to ask? IS IT?" The Computer whined.

"Make that the top ten…." Gaz groaned.

"Hey as long as I move down a few notches I don't care," Dib said. "But seriously, we really need to get out of this dimension."

_ "Doom, doom, doom, doom, doom…."_

"SOMEONE LISTEN TO ZIM!"

"WHY DON'T YOU START LISTENING TO OTHER PEOPLE FIRST?" The Computer snapped.

"NEVER!" Zim yelled.

"Before I lose what little sanity I have…" Dib moaned. "And trust me Gaz, there's not that much left!"

"I know. I know. Wait. I've got an idea," Gaz sighed. "Gir! You want tacos?"

"Doo- Tacos? I like tacos!" Gir whirled around.

"Well if you want tacos you need to fly this ship to Taco Land," Gaz said convincingly. "Which is just outside this dimension."

"TACOS!" Gir squealed with glee. He ran to the ship's controls. "I'm doing something!"

"HEY! WHAT ARE YOU DOING? NOOOOOO!" The Computer yelled.

"HERE WE GO! TACOS HERE WE COME!" Gir whooped as the ship left the dimension and entered another one.

"WHOOOOSSH!"

"WHAM!"

Their bodies materialized out of nowhere and they all fell to the floor. "Ow…That was painful…" Dib moaned.

"In more ways than one," Gaz grunted as she got off the floor.

"Zim definitely does not like being without a body!" Zim snapped.

"I dunno, you've been going around without a brain for years," Dib sneered.

"Good one," Gaz complemented.

"It was a pretty easy one," Dib admitted.

"Tacos? Where are you tacos?" Gir looked around.

"And I know all my organs aren't in the right place," Zim touched his body. "I can feel my skoodledot has moved by at least two inches to the left!"

"Where the tacos?" Gir looked around. "I don't see no tacos!"

"Oh this is just awful…" Dib moaned.

"Actually it's not so bad," Zim examined his body. "I think this is better. My skoodledot seems to be working more efficiently with the slight movement. My flimble tubes seem to be expanded and I can already tell there's a lot less blockage of my…"

"No, you idiot! I mean **that!"** Dib pointed outside the ship.

"Please tell me it's not another dragon," Zim groaned. "Oh crap. Why couldn't it be a dragon?"

"Oh there's my taco!" Gir pointed.

"THAT'S NOT A TACO GIR!" Gaz shouted. "WHAT KIND OF STUPID DIMENSION DID YOU GET US INTO?"

"Dimension 1970, the dimension where everyone is a Solid Gold Dancer and dances to disco music around a giant disco ball of sun," The Computer remarked. Outside was a huge golden glittering disco ball.

FOOM!

Immediately Gaz, Keef and Dib's hair poofed up into large afros. Gaz's clothes changed into a glittery purple dress with platform shoes. Dib and Keef wore glittering gold dancer outfits and Zim wore a white leisure suit like John Travolta wore in Saturday Night Fever.

"Oh crap…" Zim moaned. Before they knew it they were dancing to the Hustle.

"Do the Hustle!" Gir cheered.

"Get down!" Keef cheered with glee.

"Well at least we're getting some exercise," Dib sighed.

"Too bad you have to keep exercising that giant pit of stupid you call a mouth," Zim grumbled as he danced.

"I hate you all so much," Gaz snarled as she danced.


	12. More Dimensions of Doom

**More Dimensions of Doom**

"Okay I have been in some weird dimensions," Gaz remarked as she walked onto the ship. "I thought that last one with the disco was weird. But by far that was the weirdest!"

Keep in mind that she was wearing a beaver costume when she said this. In fact the entire gang was wearing beaver costumes that showed only their faces. Even Gir.

"The fact that our engines gave out after the jump and we were stuck in that dimension didn't help," Gaz grumbled.

"I dunno Gaz, I can think of worse things than being stuck in a dimension inhabited by beavers," Keef said. "At least they were friendly!"

"Yeah we could have been stuck in a dimension full of **you,"** Gaz glared at Keef.

"It wasn't so bad," Zim said as he removed his beaver costume. "I learned how to swim. A useful technique now that Zim is immune to water."

"I learned how to cut down small trees and pieces of wood with my bare teeth," Gaz admitted as she removed her costume. "I admit that was kind of cool."

"I learned the art of Beaver Fu Fighting," Dib said. He wagged the tail of his costume. "Of course about ninety percent of that style is done with a tail. But if I ever grow a tail or have something stuck to my butt I'll know how to use it."

"There is that one move you can do with your head," Zim pointed.

"Yeah but I can't knock down as many trees as Gaz can chew through," Dib admitted. "And even then they have to be small ones."

"I learned that I'm not made of wood!" Keef cheered as he danced around in his beaver costume.

Gaz sighed. "Don't be too upset Gaz," Zim shrugged. "In retrospect trying to get the beavers to eat Keef wasn't that bad an idea."

"Entering Dimension 66668," The Computer spoke. The Doom Ship emerged into a plane filled with fire and lava all around them. "This is of course one of many dimensions of fire. No space. Just one giant planet with nothing but fire and volcanoes all over it."

Gaz looked around at the fire and lava. "Now **this **is more like it."

"Uh kind of warm for Zim," Zim remarked. "Didn't bring any sun lotion. Could get a burn."

"Please tell me that was one of your pathetic attempts at humor," Dib sighed.

"Uhhhhh…Maybe?" Zim blinked.

"That's what I thought," Dib sighed.

"Hey who's **that** guy?" Gir pointed out the window.

"Huh? Well what do you know? There **is **someone down there," Zim looked out the window.

Standing on top of a rocky craig was a purple skinned man with a black hair, a black mustache and a short black beard. He wore purple and blue robes lined with gold trim. His hands were glowing and he was cackling wildly as he seemed to be absorbing some kind of red energy from the land.

"Who the hell is that?" Gaz asked.

"Who cares? Let's go…" Zim grumbled.

BOOOM!

"What the flork…?" Zim yelled. The sorcerer had hit the Doom ship on the side with an energy beam. "We've been hit! We're falling!"

"Tell us something we don't know Captain Obvious!" Gaz snarled as she grabbed the controls. "HANG ON!"

"AAAAAAHHHH!" Zim and Dib screamed as the ship made a crash landing on a rock like craig.

"AGAIN!" Gir laughed and clapped as the ship came to a halt.

"That was fun!" Keef laughed.

"You know what else is fun? Lava diving! I'll show you how to do it later!" Zim grumbled as he stormed out to the outside. "After I give that jerk a piece of my mind!"

"Don't give him too much," Dib called as he went after him. "You don't have enough to spare."

"Keef you and Gir fix the ship while we deal with this latest problem," Gaz sighed. "Computer, Piggy you help. Minimoose you're with me."

"Squeak!" Minimoose happily followed Gaz.

"Okay everybody let's fix the ship!" Keef said cheerfully.

"YAY!" Gir said. "I don't know how to do that!"

"Me neither!" Keef said cheerfully. "But it's gonna be fun!"

"Oh great…." The Computer moaned. Piggy trotted up to him with a small wrench in his mouth. "Looks like you're the only one here with half a brain Piggy."

Meanwhile back outside the sorcerer was laughing manically. "YES! YES! Soon I will have enough power to rule the world! And then the universe! Wait…First the World, then the Galaxy…Then another Galaxy…Then a few more Galaxies…Then the universe! First things first! Maybe I should make a list?"

"Hey! **You!"** Zim stormed up to him. "You wrecked my ship!"

"**Your** ship?" Dib asked as the others followed him. "Gaz is the one that got it!"

"HA! I see that you heroes have finally tracked me down in order to thwart…" The man cackled until he saw the gang. "Who the hell are you?"

"I am ZIM! And Zim is ticked off!" Zim snapped.

"Dib, my sister Gaz and Minimoose," Dib pointed to each one respectively.

"Charmed. But who are you?" The sorcerer asked. "You don't look like you're from the Good Guy Brigade."

"We're not, whatever that is," Zim huffed.

"Apparently it's probably a league of good guys," Dib said.

"Well that's rather obvious," Gaz grunted.

"Well what's not obvious is why you attacked Zim! Why did you shoot at Zim's ship? Zim did nothing to you!" Zim snapped.

"For once," Gir quipped.

"Sorry, I thought you were some of those do gooder heroes back from my dimension," The sorcerer sniffed.

"Well we're **not!"** Zim put his hands on his hips. "Seriously! Can't a bunch of aliens fly around different dimensions without being shot at?"

"I said I was **sorry**," The sorcerer snapped. "Name's Mephisto. Evil sorcerer and ruler of darkness."

"Mephisto? Your name is Mephisto **too?**" Gaz blinked.

"Too? You know of another Mephisto?" The sorcerer asked.

"Well there was but he's kind of dead now," Dib shrugged.

"What was he? Some kind of great and powerful sorcerer?" Mephisto asked.

"Not exactly," Gaz said. "He was a Vampire Squirrel."

"You're kidding right?" Mephisto gave Gaz a look. "I know little girls like to make things up…"

"She's not," Dib told him. "Okay he was the leader of the vampire squirrels but still he was a vampire squirrel."

"I see. Anyway I'm here in this dimension powering up a spell that will enslave my planet yada, yada, yada and I was kind of suspecting this group of nosy busybodies that always like to thwart my plans for world domination," Mephisto shrugged.

"Oh yeah I know how **that **goes," Zim nodded. "That is annoying."

"So you aren't here to stop me?" Mephisto asked.

"Not really," Gaz said. "Couldn't care less what you do."

"Well not **you** obviously because you're just an empty headed female," Mephisto snorted.

"Okay I don't like you," Gaz raised an eyebrow and growled.

"The feeling is **mutual,"** Mephisto grunted.

"O-kay so this is all just one big misunderstanding," Dib gulped, knowing what would happen if Gaz got ticked off. "So let's just call it a mistake and not involve our insurance agencies…"

"We're insured?" Zim blinked. "Since when?"

"Since this guy turned out to be a sexist jerk," Gaz snapped. "The odds of you two morons getting pounded today dropped dramatically."

"SQUEAK!" Minimoose agreed.

"Ooh, a little girl and her flying stuffed deer are threatening me," Mephisto snorted. "I am soooo scared!"

"Uh seriously guy, you might want to quit it with the anti-girl talk," Dib talked to him. "Trust me on this, you don't want to get on her bad side!"

"Squeak!" Minimoose snapped.

"Or the moose," Zim realized what was going to happen. "Minimoose is a lot stronger than he looks. Trust me on this."

"Oh well then I'll just **take** the moose and destroy the rest of you!" Mephisto laughed.

"Now I **really **don't like you!" Gaz snarled balling her hands into fists. Then without warning she charged at Mephisto and gave him a very hard kick in the shin.

"OW! I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU JUST DID THAT!" Mephisto hopped around on one foot.

"Well then you won't believe this either," Gaz kicked him hard in the leg again.

"OWWWW! NO FAIR! OKAY! YOU'RE ALL DEAD!" Mephisto screamed and shot out energy blasts from his hands.

"Bring it on!" Gaz shouted as she dodged the blasts and grabbed some dirt. She managed to throw the dirt into his face.

"HEY! THAT'S CHEATING! OWWWW!" Mephisto shouted as Minimoose grabbed his arm with his teeth and bit him hard. "OWWW!"

He shook off Minimoose. "OKAY! NO MORE MISTER NICE WIZARD!" Mephisto screamed and started shooting out energy blasts with his hands.

"This is going to be one of those crazy pointless fights isn't it?" Zim sighed as he and Dib took cover behind a large rock.

"I'm afraid it is," Dib groaned.

"All right. Just wanted to be on the same page as the rest of you," Zim whipped out his laser. "DIE SQUIRREL MAN!" He ran out shooting.

"He's not a squirrel! He just happens to have the same name as…Oh forget it!" Dib groaned as he pulled out his blaster as well. "Here we go again!"

Back on the Doom Ship…

"Good job Piggy. Now twist the interstellar capacitator flux knob to the left and Keef you activate the nanite auto repair system," The Computer instructed.

"Huh?" Keef blinked.

"Push the big blue button on the left," The Computer sighed.

"Okay!" Keef hit the button. Unfortunately it was the wrong one.

"No! The **left!"** The Computer shouted as water hit the window and the windshield wipers came out. "Not the right! That activates the windshield wipers!"

"That is my left," Keef blinked.

"My left then," The Computer sighed. "Which is your right!"

"Okay…" Keef hit the right button.

"Finally now…" The Computer sighed.

BOOOOOOOM!

"SQUEEEAK!"

"Wow! Look at the explosion!" Keef cheered. "I wonder what the guys are doing now?"

"Having fun, what else?" The Computer grumbled. "Typical. They go out and have a good time and leave me to do all the work!"

"But you got me, Piggy and Gir to help you," Keef told the Computer.

"HE HE HE!" Gir cackled as he pulled out one of the chairs and started to eat it. "Yummy!"

"Yeah, you guys are a **real help**…" The Computer grumbled.

"SQUEAKKKKK!"

BOOOM!

THUD! THUD! THUD!

"Thud? Where did the thud come from?" The Computer asked.

"It sounds like it came from Gaz's room," Gir pointed down the hallway.

"What could be trying to get out of there?" Keef asked.

"Her soul maybe?" The Computer quipped.

Back outside.

"AAAAAAAHHH!" Mephisto screamed as he was blasted by lasers and Minimoose's blasts at the same time and fell into a pool of lava.

"And that is the end of that!" Zim brushed his hands. "Once again Zim has triumphed…"

"HELP! SOMEBODY HELP ME!" Mephisto could be heard screaming. "OH IT BURNS! IT BURNS!"

"Uh as I was saying, once again…" Zim began.

"SERIOUSLY! THIS REALLY HURTS HERE!" Mephisto screamed.

"For crying out loud," Gaz groaned. "How long is this going to take?"

"I'M IN AGONY! AGONY!" Mephisto screamed. "MY ONE REGRET IS THAT I NEVER SAW PARIS IN THE SPRINGTIME! Oh and not taking over the world too…OWWWWW!"

"You know I always thought lava would work faster than that," Dib blinked as he watched.

"I'm dying! I'M DYING! WHAT A WORLD! WHAT CRUEL IRONY IS **THIS!"** Mephisto screamed. "TO BE ON THE CUSP OF UNIVERSAL DOMINATION ONLY TO BE THWARTED BY A GROUP OF MEDDLING CHILDREN AND THEIR DOMESTIC ANIMAL!"

"Great. I had a great speech in my head and now I've forgotten it thanks to this jerk!" Zim snapped. He turned around and yelled. "AREN'T YOU DEAD YET?"

"VERY NEARLY THANK YOU VERY MUCH!" Mephisto screamed sarcastically.

"Well could you _hurry up?_ We haven't got all day!" Zim snapped.

"If you're in such a bloody hurry why don't you blow my **head off**?" Mephisto screamed. "Seriously, kill me now! I am in such agony! OWWWWWWWW!"

"Oh fine!" Zim shot his laser at the dying sorcerer.

"YOU MISSED!" Mephisto screamed. "YOU GOT MY ARM! OWWW!"

"Oh sorry," Zim said. He shot again.

"OWWWW! YOU GOT MY **OTHER** ARM! OWWWW!" Mephisto screamed.

"Oops," Zim blinked.

"Let me do it," Gaz sighed as she shot her laser.

"THAT WAS NOT MY ARM BUT I WISH IT WAS!" Mephisto screamed in a very high voice. "YOU SHOT ME IN THE CROTCH!"

"I know! That was for all the sexist comments you made!" Gaz snapped.

"Point taken…" Mephisto moaned.

"How can this be taking so long?" Zim asked.

"Well I am wearing lava retardant underwear…" Mephisto moaned. "Oddly enough it's not doing the job the advertisers said it would. NOW WILL ONE OF YOU JUST KILL ME ALREADY?"

"On three?" Dib asked.

"One, two, three…" Gaz said. Dib, Zim, Gaz and Minimoose blasted Mephisto one last time.

"THANK YOU!" Mephisto screamed before he died.

"That was not a very pleasant way to go," Zim remarked.

"No, it wasn't," Gaz sighed. "And yet there was something so pathetic about it."

"Anybody just a little bit disturbed we just killed a guy?" Dib asked.

"Not really," Gaz shrugged.

"Like Zim hasn't done that before," Zim shrugged.

"Besides we blew up a couple of planets so one evil sorcerer is not that big a deal," Gaz rolled her eyes.

"Oh well…I wonder what was so special about this planet he wanted to take energy from?" Dib asked.

"Who cares? Let's go and…" Gaz brushed herself off.

"WHEEEE!" Gir came flying out of the spaceship. He was riding some strange metal like book. "Books are fun!"

"Hang on!" Keef was holding onto another strange metal book. Several more were just floating out of the ship.

"Oink!" Piggy was riding another one.

"What in the name of the Ancient Hive is going on **now**?" Zim grumbled.

"What are those spelldrives doing?" Gaz was stunned.

"Wait, you got my spelldrives?" Dib's eyes widened.

"What are spelldrives?" Zim asked.

"Those mini computers of magic power that hold digital spells," Dib explained. "Remember I told you about that the time I…uh…"

"Put a spell on me making me taste nothing but pork?" Gaz snarled.

"I said I was sorry about that! I really thought they would give you magic powers!" Dib protested.

"Relax Dib. I already got you back for that five times over," Gaz waved. "Anyway I brought the spelldrives along from the house because I had a feeling they would be useful somehow. Or at the very least keep you quiet in your room and not bother me."

"Well that doesn't explain why those things just flew out of your room Gaz," Keef had let go of the spelldrive he was holding.

"Look they're glowing!" Dib pointed excitedly.

"It looks like the mystic energy of the planet is affecting them," Zim frowned.

"OINK!" Piggy jumped off his spelldrive and Minimoose caught him. Minimoose set him on the ground and Piggy oinked his thanks.

"Wow, that's hot!" Gir yelled as the spelldrive he was riding on glowed as mystic energy filtered into the spelldrives.

Soon the spelldrives finished glowing and they all floated straight to Dib. "Wow! These spelldrives were all out of power before! And now they're full!" He looked at the top one.

"Well that explains what Mephisto Two was doing here," Gaz said. "Obviously this place is some kind of interdimensional magical power source. And since the spelldrives were bone dry they needed a recharge."

"I am so happy!" Dib squealed as he hugged his spelldrives. "I can't wait to see what I can do with them!"

"Don't even think of using a spell from those things!" Gaz snapped. "We got enough problems with Zim's lousy sense of direction and Gir who won't take any directions! We don't need magic to mess it up!"

"Awww…" Dib's eyes widened.

"I mean it Dib!" Gaz snarled.

"Okay…" Dib looked downcast. "But can I still keep them? Even if I can't do anything with them I still think they're neat!"

"Are you gonna spend hours in your room by yourself looking at them and obsessing over them?" Gaz folded her arms.

"Oh yes," Dib nodded happily. "I can always spend a few hours cleaning them or arranging them."

"Then what do I care?" Gaz shrugged. "Is the ship fixed?"

"Pretty much," Keef nodded.

"Then let's roll," Gaz said. "This place is getting boring."

"Yeah all we did was fight for our lives against an evil sorcerer that wanted to kill us so we killed him and give Dib something else to annoy us with," Zim said sarcastically. "Real dull."

"Wait what?" Keef blinked. "You killed a guy?"

"A bad guy," Gaz told him.

"But aren't we bad guys now?" Dib asked. "I mean we haven't exactly been lying low the past couple of weeks?"

"Labels," Zim waved as they went inside the ship.

"Let's just say I think that question of being bad or good isn't as important as it used to be," Gaz shrugged. "Mostly because we already answered it by wrecking our respective planets."

"Since when were **you **ever good?" Zim snorted.

"Ditto, Zim," Dib gave him a look.

"Touché," Zim shrugged.

"Let's just go before something else stupid happens in this dimension," Gaz said. "Computer let's go into the next dimension."

"I'm gonna go put my books away. But first I'm going to clean them and alphabetize them and measure them for height…" Dib cheerfully went to his room carrying his spelldrives.

"That should keep him out of my hair for a few hours," Gaz sighed as the ship went into dimensional jump mode. "Hopefully this next dimension won't suck."

"With our luck I doubt it," Zim grumbled.

FLASH!

"Now where are we?" Dib walked back into the room, still holding the spelldrives. He looked around and saw huge puffy clouds all around the ship.

"Is our ship on fire again?" Zim blinked.

"Those are clouds, dummy," Gaz grunted.

"Lots and lots of fluffy clouds," Keef blinked.

"Lots and lots of fluffy clouds with animals standing on them," Dib blinked. He put down the spelldrives so he could go explore with the others.

There were dozens of multicolored creatures singing and dancing around a huge cloud like city with a giant cloud castle behind them. "Welcome friends to Conceritopia!" A pink bear with a pink cake mark on her white tummy waved when the gang landed. "I'm Happy Birthday Bear! Me and my friends are the Cuddle Critters! We bring love and sunshine and rainbows to everyone!"

"I'm Fun Fuzzy Frog!" A furry frog with a happy face on his white tummy hopped over. "We love meeting children and teaching them how to be nice, kind, polite, respectful and to never be mean or disagree with any adult! Because everybody knows adults know what's best for you!"

Gaz turned to the others. "Is it too late to go back to the dimension with the fire and the evil sorcerers that want to kill us?"


	13. Stupid Hero Squads

**Stupid Hero Squads**

"Cuddly Kitty Kat loves to give hugs and kisses to all the boys and girls," A bright yellow kitten with blue eyes and a happy cloud symbol on its tummy held up a huge medieval axe. "EXCEPT THOSE BAD CHILDREN! I WANNA GIVE THEM PAIN, SUFFERING AND DEATH!"

"ESPECIALLY KEEF!" Fun Fuzzy Frog screamed with a torch in his flippers. "KILL KEEF!"

"Let's get those little monsters and RIP THEM APART!" A pink elephant screamed as he brandished a spear. A roar of agreement rose up from the crowd of normally docile happy colorful creatures.

The reason why these normally loveable animals were particularly bloodthirsty this fine day could be seen all around them. Their normally impeccably shining palace was nothing more than rubble. There were fires all around them and destroyed buildings everywhere. Several clouds looked like they had been eaten.

And the culprits were currently running for their lives ahead of the angry animal mob.

"YUM!" Gir grabbed a piece of cloud and stuffed it into his mouth as he ran. "I can eat this all day and not gain any weight!"

"Oink!" Piggy munched on a cloud as he ran.

"You and Piggy certainly ate half of the clouds here!" Zim snapped as he ran, using his PAK legs to move quickly.

"You're not one to talk Zim!" Gaz snapped. She was carrying some kind of small treasure chest full of jewels. "You got into a fight with their village leader and shot up his house!"

"I didn't blow up the most stuff! Like Minimoose!" Zim pointed to the flying moose floating overhead them. "Or make the most messes!"

"Who knew a place like this had such strict animal waste laws?" Dib thought. He was carrying one of his spelldrives.

"Besides you're the one that beat up half the town and stole their stuff!" Zim snapped.

"Hey! They tried to make me **nice **with their stupid rainbow tummy shots!" Gaz snapped. "They deserve everything they got!"

"Oh yeah that was total justification for all the theft and mayhem you caused," Zim rolled his eyes.

"I'm not complaining as long as you let me use my spelldrives," Dib remarked.

"Yeah I admit I was a bit hasty before on saying you can't use any spells from your stupid book things," Gaz grunted. "That book certainly came in handy when you used it to break me out!"

"KILL KEEF! KILL KEEF!" The animals chanted.

"Not half as handy as Keef breaking the spines of all the animals he hugged," Dib rolled his eyes.

"I was just trying to be friends!" Keef protested as he ran.

"You tried a little too hard," Gaz snapped. "And hugged way too hard."

"Squeak!" Minimoose agreed. He turned around for a second and blasted the mob with his antler blasts.

"AAAAHHH! BEING ON FIRE IS NOT FUN!" A purple bear screamed in agony.

"Dib! One more spell! An invisible wall behind us preferably!" Gaz yelled.

"Got it!" Dib opened the spelldrive. "Here it is! Only two points!" He pressed the button.

Suddenly all the animals behind them hit a huge invisible wall. "Who hoo!" Zim cheered as they boarded the ship. "We are **out** of here!"

"But first one last parting gift!" Gaz snapped as she jumped into the pilot's seat of the Doom Ship. "Computer, bring up the laser guidance systems."

A few parting laser blasts from the ships scattered the contemptuous creatures and set a few more fires before jumping into another dimension. "And that is the end of **that** dumb adventure," Gaz brushed her hands. "Never did like that cartoon."

"That was fun! What do we do now?" Keef asked cheerfully.

"Go put my new stuff in my room but don't touch anything!" Gaz ordered.

"Okay!" Keef ran off cheerfully with Gaz's ill-gotten goods.

"That will get him out of our hair for a few seconds," Gaz grumbled.

"And I thought we hated Keef," Zim said. "Gotta admit that was the one redeeming feature of those overstuffed plush toys."

"Keef's not that bad. At least he's cheerful," Dib sighed. "Annoyingly cheerful but cheerful. And it's easy to get him to do stuff."

"I know. I swear if I hadn't gotten him to clean my room, polish my furniture and do other stuff for me I'd have thrown him out the airlock," Gaz grunted.

"All done!" Keef chirped cheerfully. "Anything else you want me to do Gaz?"

"I can think of a few things involving a chainsaw and an airlock," Zim grumbled.

"I love doing things for you Gaz!" Keef said cheerfully. "You know that's a great reason for us to get married one day when we grow up!"

At that Gaz clenched her teeth and made a horrible shuddering noise. "Uh Keef how about you go check the gravitational sensors over there?" Dib pointed to the control panel on the other side of the control bridge.

"Okey-Dokey!" Keef cheerfully did as he was told.

"Gaz? Gaz are you okay?" Dib asked as he moved towards his sister. Gaz was shaking and looked very disturbed. "What's wrong?"

"She's visualizing a fate worse than death," Zim snorted. "Oh I am so glad Irkens do not mate. It's Reason 16 in the Guide To Why Irkens Are the Most Superior Form of Life In the Universe."

"We have **got** to get rid of him," Gaz groaned. "Maybe in this next dimension we can dump him in a volcano or something?"

"Where are we now anyway?" Dib looked out the window and saw a planet that looked very much like Earth. "That planet looks like Earth."

"It **is** Earth, well an alternate dimension of Earth," The Computer said. "This is Dimension 437."

"Oh yeah I've heard of this dimension," Zim blinked. "For some weird reason there are no Irkens in this dimension. Apparently we don't exist in this world."

"Really?" Dib gave him a look.

"I like this dimension already," Gaz said.

"We were all planning on conquering this dimension after we conquered the universe in our own dimension," Zim explained. "There was something else about this dimension but I can't remember what…"

"Let's go down and take a look," Dib said.

"Why not?" Zim took the controls and flew the Doom Ship into the atmosphere. "There's something more about this dimension that I know I need to tell you but I can't remember what it is."

ZZAPPP!

"WHOA! LASER BLAST!" Dib yelled as they narrowly missed getting hit by a laser. "From some guy's eyes…"

"Okay am I hallucinating or are there a bunch of people flying around in the sky fighting with super powers?" Gaz blinked.

"If you are we're all having the same hallucination," Dib said.

"Wow! I didn't know you could throw a truck that far!" Keef chirped cheerfully.

"Oh yeah," Zim blinked. "**Now** I remember. There's a whole bunch of ultra-powered superheroes and villains in this dimension. **That's** why the Irkens were waiting until we had a big enough armada to conquer it!"

WHAM!

"Owie…" A man in black costume and a black mask had hit the Doom Ship's windshield.

"Oooh that is gonna make a dent," Zim winced.

"No, the ship looks okay," Gir said.

"Oh good," Zim nodded. "Better use the windshield wipers."

Zim pushed a button and some giant windshield wipers hit the man repeatedly. "OW! OW! OW!" The man screamed in pain.

"He's still holding on," Gaz said. "Try using a blast of water to loosen him."

"Water? HA! Typical humans," Zim rolled his eyes. "Irkens do not use water to clean their windshield."

"Really what do you use?" Dib asked.

"Oh just a mild acid that dissolves only organic material," Zim pushed a button.

"AAAAAAH! MY EYES!" The man screamed in agony as he was sprayed.

"Still holding on," Gir said.

"Damn it! Get off my ship!" Zim yelled as he pushed the button activating the windshield wipers again.

"**Your **ship?" Dib gave him a look.

"Just give him another blast of acid and then double time it with the windshield wipers," Gaz said. Zim nodded and did so.

"HOW CLEAN DO YOU NEED THIS WINDSHIELD TO BE?" The man screamed in agony. "AAAAHH! MY EYES!"

"Wow he is still hanging on there," Zim blinked. "He just won't let go."

"If I may make a suggestion why not use the angular trajectory on the front lasers to shoot him off?" The Computer asked. "His screaming is really starting to annoy my systems."

"Good idea," Zim nodded and did so.

"AAAAAHHH! WHEN WILLTHE HURTING STOP?" The man screamed.

"You know this is still not working," Gaz said. "We're gonna have to pry him off somehow."

"I'll land the ship on that rocky field over there," Zim said as he did so.

WHUMP!

"Oh he fell off just as we landed," Zim brushed his hands. "Problem solved."

"Uh…Not exactly," Dib looked out the window.

"Uhhhhh…." The man lay in a crumpled heap under the landing gear of the Doom Ship. "I've got rocks in my shoes…And my spleen…"

"Oh great," Zim said as the gang walked out to inspect the damage. "I got a scratch on my landing gear! You jerk! You scratched my ship!"

"Excuse me? Your ship nearly **killed** me!" The man screamed in agony.

"Whiner," Gaz folded her arms.

Suddenly three garishly costumed figures flew down from the sky. "I don't believe it! Dark Dan has been defeated!" A dark haired man in a green and blue spandex with a green dollar sign on his chest and on his blue cape proclaimed.

"You're right Billionaire Man!" An auburn woman with a red and white uniform in the same style as Wonder Woman landed next to him. "He's toast!"

"He certainly is Marvel Mom!" A third man landed next to her. He had an orange and green outfit with a green cape and green mask. He had a huge gold C on his chest.

"Well Captain Courageous it's a dark end to Dark Dan's little rampage," Billionaire Man nodded. "But who are these strangers who took him out?"

"And where did they get such a cool spaceship?" Captain Courageous asked.

"Hi. I'm Dib. That's my sister Gaz, our robot Gir. Minimoose, Piggy, Keef and the alien is Zim," Dib introduced himself.

"I'm Billionaire Man and that's Marvel Mom and Captain Courageous," Billionaire Man introduced. "We're part of the Good Guy League! A group of civic minded superheroes dedicated to truth, justice and making a good profit off of licensing our merchandise."

"Owie…" Dark Dan moaned.

"Oh and that's Dark Dan, evil villain, total jerk wad, blah blah blah," Billionaire Man pointed with his thumb.

"Uh sorry about running that guy over," Dib scratched his head.

"Oh don't worry about it," Billionaire Man waved.

"Yeah he deserved it," Marvel Mom agreed. "So who are you children?"

"Zim is not a child!" Zim huffed. "Zim is a fully grown alien!"

"Seriously?" Marvel Mom raised an eyebrow.

"Believe it or not he is," Gaz said.

"I'm a hundred and fifty nine Earth years!" Zim nodded.

"Which is actually a teenager by Irken standards …" Dib shrugged. Zim gave him a dirty look but for once said nothing.

"Wait…Kids and an alien with a robot, a flying moose creature and a pig?" Billionaire Man blinked. "You're some kind of junior heroes aren't you?"

"Actually…" Gaz began.

"YES!" Dib said quickly and loudly. "Yes we are!"

"We _are?_" Gir blinked.

"Uh Dib….?" Keef blinked.

"Oh good! If you're all heroes then you can join our Junior Good Guy League!" Billionaire Man said cheerfully. "We could use the help!"

"That would be great!" Dib said.

"Yeah…" Gaz said carefully. "Just give us a few minutes of privacy here to discuss this won't you? **Dib**…" Gaz then grabbed Dib by the collar and dragged him to a corner with the rest of the group.

"Okay…let me explain…" Dib gulped when they were a distance away.

"This should be good," Gaz folded her arms and glared at him.

"Dib you lied. We're not really heroes," Keef said.

"I know that but…Maybe here I can be a hero?" Dib asked. "We could be heroes."

"Why the hell do you want to do that?" Gaz asked.

"Yeah I'm with her," Zim agreed. "Why would you want to join these do gooding sleek slugs?"

"What's a sleek slug?" Dib blinked.

"Like an Earth silkworm only you have to keep praising it in order to get it to do its job," Zim shrugged. "I mean the stuff they put out is made into the finest softest fabrics but boy you really have to suck up to them. It's really annoying. Even more annoying than Dib. Which as you can imagine is no small achievement."

"Look ever since the…incident back on Earth," Dib sighed. "I've been feeling lost. Without any direction."

"That's because we've been flying around without any direction and have no idea where we're going half the time," Gaz rolled her eyes.

"I'm just saying that this is a real chance for us to make a new start," Dib said. "This is a completely different Earth with a completely different group of people on it. People who might actually appreciate us."

"Oh for crying out…" Gaz shook her head. "You just never learn do you?"

"And _where else_ do we have to go Gaz that's so important?" Dib gave her a look. "Where else? Besides in this dimension we can hide from all the enemies we made. Like the _space ninjas?" _

"He's got a point there guys," Gir said. "And he's got a point over there! And over there! And over **here!"** Gir ran around Dib pointing to areas of his head.

"Zim don't you want a chance to get the praise and adoration you **think **you deserve?" Dib asked.

"Hmmmm…" Zim thought. "Zim does like praise."

"And you said so yourself that the Irken Race doesn't exist in this universe for some reason so you can pretend you're some kind of guardian alien from a dying planet or something," Dib reasoned.

"Zim also likes making up phony backstories about himself," Zim nodded.

"I know. I'm bonded to you, remember?" Dib sighed. "On this Earth we could be famous and rich and respected! Zim you can pass off some of your planet's scientific advancements as your own and we could get rich off of your 'discoveries'."

"You had me at famous and rich," Zim said.

"Famous and rich is good," Keef nodded.

"Gotta admit Dib that last part is a pretty smart idea," Gaz agreed. "As long as we keep our mouths shut these idiots will never know the truth."

"So can we do it? Please Gaz?" Dib begged.

"Yeah Please Gaz?" Zim begged.

"Fine, but only because I think we can get some cash out of this," Gaz grunted. "Merchandising super heroes is big business."

Gaz and the others walked over. "Okay we're in," Gaz nodded.

"Welcome to the team!" Marvel Mom said. "Oh you all look so cute! Even the weird little green one…Where are you from again?"

"Oh yeah you never heard of my planet," Zim waved. "It's dead you know? Got wiped out in a terrible war with evil space slugs. I was the only survivor and now I go around protecting peace and justice and all that stuff."

"You too?" Billionaire Man asked. "Mine just got wiped out by a giant meteor. So when I came to Earth I just patented all my planet's scientific advancements as my own and made a ton of cash!"

"You don't have a teleporter on this planet do you?" Zim's antennae dropped.

"Uh no," Billionaire Man shrugged. "My people never got around to that. If we had don't you think my people would have survived?"

"HA! Zim has a teleporter! CA CHING!" Zim did a little dance.

"Wait if your people had teleporters how come you're the only survivor?" Marvel Mom asked.

"Uh…Because everybody else's was in the shop that day," Zim said. "Always pays to do basic maintenance a month early!"

"I told you that was standard practice, Larry!" Billionaire Man snapped.

"Don't use my real name in front of the…Oh never mind," Captain Courageous sighed. "The same thing happened to me when I was a kid. Giant meteor crashed into my home planet and everybody took off to other worlds. Unfortunately for some reason my parents picked a no infants spaceship and threw me on a spacecraft. Short version…Crash landed on Earth…Found nicer parents that lived on a farm that took me in…Divorced my real parents yada, yada, yada…"

A man wearing a red mask and a red and blue baseball uniform drove up in a blue and yellow amphibious vehicle drove up. "Sorry I'm late guys! Got double parked again!" The man jumped out of the vehicle.

"Late to the party as usual Baseball Man," Marvel Mom groaned. She whispered to the kids. "We only let him in because not only do we get free World Series tickets he's the only one of us with a license to drive!"

"Gotcha," Gaz nodded. "Kind of almost the same reason we put up with Zim."

"These are Dib, Gaz, Gir, Zim, Keef, Minimoose and Piggy," Captain Courageous introduced the gang. "They're junior heroes…"

"And one adult alien," Zim added.

"One **teenager** alien," Dib gave him a look.

"Not by Earth standards!" Zim snapped.

"Close enough," Captain Courageous shrugged. "They're going to join the Junior Division of the Good Guy League."

"Excellent! Of course you know you are going to have to get permission from your parents," Baseball Man said.

"Zim has no family," Zim huffed.

"Our dad Professor Membrane is kind of off in another dimension but he said it was okay for us to go travel the universe," Dib said quickly.

"Mine don't care where I go as long as I'm out of the house!" Keef said cheerfully.

"Excellent! Now let's all go to our secret headquarters!" Billionaire Man cheered.

"Yay! We're gonna blow something up!" Gir cheered.

"GIR!" Zim snapped and then laughed nervously. "Silly little robot! Always saying something funny! You know I try to teach him Earth humor but he just doesn't **get it!"** He glared at Gir.

"Well that's a plausible explanation," Baseball Man said.

"We'll follow in the Doo- Uh…Our spaceship," Gaz caught herself in time.

"Ooooooooooooooooooooooohhhh…." Dark Dan moaned.

"After we scrape that guy off our landing gear," Gaz winced.

Twenty minutes and a stop at a prison hospital later…

"And here is our secret headquarters!" Billionaire Man cheered as the Doom Ship parked on a landing strip. In front of them was a huge white building with a sign glowing in neon: GOOD GUY LEAGUE SECRET HEADQUARTERS!

"Secret from who?" Gaz asked. "That sign is so bright a blind person could see it!"

"Oh yeah we keep forgetting to take that down," Baseball Man scratched his head. "Come on in!"

"Let's go on the Good Guy Elevator of Justice!" Captain Courageous instructed as they went on a see through platform. "Everyone please keep their arms and legs inside at all times…"

"Harold you know that I can't be there for every T-Ball game," Marvel Mom was on a cell phone. "What do you mean I've missed them all? I couldn't have! The last game is September 3! It's Sept. 4th! And I forgot to bring snacks? Well would it kill you to bring a bag of oranges or something?"

"And no cell phones!" Captain Courageous snapped.

"Gotta go Harold," Marvel Mom groaned. She shut the phone off. "I was busy!"

"You're Marvel Mom, you're **always** busy," Billionaire Man rolled his eyes.

"DUH!" She snapped.

"Anyway here is our secret headquarters," Captain Courageous pushed a button and they went down through several rooms. "This is our war room, our cafeteria, our experimental weapons room, our communications room, our animal print jungle room for party nights…"

"Uh that room is for adults only," Marvel Mom gulped. "Never go in there. Especially on a Saturday Night. Or New Year's Eve."

"And this is your living quarters! Where the members of the Junior Good Guy League live!" Baseball Man spoke as they entered a huge room.

"Wow it's so big," Dib's eyes widened as he saw all the room and TV's in it.

"Oh that's when my kids come to visit I like a lot of room," Marvel Mom explained. "They live with their fathers and stepfathers."

They entered a huge complex filled with dozens of comfortable beds, toys, video games and TV's. "How many kids do you have exactly?" Gaz raised an eyebrow.

"Let's just say after the last one Marvel Mom could qualify her kids as a little league baseball team," Baseball Man snickered. To this Marvel Mom hit him on the head. "OW!"

"We have other kids here too!" Marvel Mom snapped. "Kids! Come out and meet your new partners!" A group of strange looking kids emerged in front of them.

"Welcome to the Junior Division of the Good Guy League!" Captain Courageous said. "Here are your fellow young super heroes in training! Bird Boy! Acrobatic and martial arts expert and partner to Baseball Man!"

"Hey there," A very tall man in a yellow bird costume with yellow leggings waved.

"Wait just how old is 'Bird **Boy'** exactly?" Dib blinked.

"Old enough to shave I know that," Gir remarked.

"I'm a teenager!" Bird Boy protested in his deep voice.

"Oh please this guy is thirty if he's a day!" Zim pointed.

"I'm only twenty nine!" Bird Boy snapped. Everyone looked at him. "Uh in bird years…I'm a teenager. Seriously. Not a grown man shacking up with another man."

"Right…" Gaz remarked. "Where's Baseball Man's secret lair? In his closet?"

"Moving on…" Marvel Mom sighed. "These are the Terrific Triplets! They're aliens too!"

There were three grey skinned kids Dib and Gaz's age two boys and a girl. They had sea green hair and pink eyes. The girl had a ponytail and wore a silver uniform like dress. The two boys wore silver uniforms. One boy's hair was long and the other's was short.

"Hi! I'm Yin!" The girl said cheerfully.

"I'm Yan," The short haired boy spoke.

"I'm Yo! As in Yo, I'm **fabulous**!" The longer haired boy chirped.

"You don't hang around a lot with Bird Brain do you?" Gaz raised an eyebrow.

"Really? You had to go **there?**" Yo gave her a look.

"Yeah he is way too young for me," Bird Boy grunted. "I much prefer rich older…Uh I mean…Mature women. Girls! I mean girls. And by girls I mean anyone over 18…"

"So what do you do?" Zim asked. "Tell Zim before we get slapped with a lawsuit."

"We are shapeshifters! I have the power to become any animal I want!" Yin said. "Terrific Triplet Power Activate! Form of an Eagle!" She then transformed into a silver and sea green eagle.

"And I can take any form! Shape of…A puddle!" Yan changed into a pool of water with a face on it. "Pretty neat huh?"

"Yan! You're getting the carpet wet again!" Marvel Mom groaned. "I told you about that!"

"Okay the girl's powers are decent. I mean turning into animals is cool. I'll buy that but you just turn into water," Gaz asked. "What kind of a stupid power is that?"

"It's not a stupid power!" Yan snapped.

"Yeah he could turn into a tidal wave and wash away debris or the bad guys!" Dib nodded.

"Well actually no…" Yan admitted as he changed back into human form. "I can't make a real big body of water. Because I'm a kid I can only make kid sized things."

"Like a puddle?" Gaz asked in a bored tone.

"It's a useful power!" Yan protested. "I can do a lot of things!"

"Getting a criminal wet?" Gaz raised an eyebrow.

"I can turn into a patch of ice!" Yan said proudly.

"Ice is just hard water!" Gaz snapped.

"Hard enough to make criminals slip and fall when they're running!" Yan snapped.

"Actually that hasn't happened that much," Yin spoke.

"Yeah usually the bad guys see you and just run around you," Bird Boy added.

"At least I go out into the field and try to do something to fight the bad guys instead of running around in revealing outfits screaming 'Baseball Man save me! Your muscles are sooooo big!'" Yan snapped.

"I do **not** do that!" Bird Boy snapped. Everyone else gave him a look. "Well not that much anyway. Besides I took out the Nefarious Dr. Fish last week!"

"You took him out of his goldfish bowl!" Yin groaned. "He wasn't exactly one of our A list villains you know?"

"And who do you think disguised you in my cloud form so you could sneak up on him?" Yan snapped. "Again being a goldfish it was pretty easy to sneak up on him but the point is I turned into a cloud to help you!"

"Again…JUST WATER!" Gaz shouted.

"It's a cloud!" Yan snapped.

"A cloud is water in **gas form!"** Gaz shouted.

"So what do you do?" Dib asked the last triplet.

"Oh nothing," Yo admitted. "I'm just super smart and do everyone's taxes. By the way I need all your W2 forms by the end of the week if you want to get money back from the government. I'm talking to you, Baseball Man!"

"Aw man…" Baseball Man groaned.

"And no declaring Bird Boy as a dependent!" Yo snapped. "I am **not** going to go through what we went through last year with the IRS!"

"Yo doesn't fight much but that's okay. He was planning on being an accountant before our planet blew up," Yin shrugged.

"Wow that really is a common origin story around here," Dib blinked.

"Who else is in this group?" Zim asked.

"Well there's Timmy over there," Marvel Mom pointed to a chunky boy in the corner picking his nose.

"And what's his power?" Dib asked.

"He uh, doesn't have one…" Billionaire Man coughed. "He's my son. Wife and I are divorced and it's my weekend with him. You know how these things go."

"Hi Timmy!" Keef skipped over. "Wanna be friends?"

"Sure!" Timmy blinked. "I picked my nose."

"YAY!" Keef cheered. "YOU PICKED YOUR NOSE!"

"Keef is kind of like our Timmy," Dib explained to the heroes. "Only he's not related to anybody and we have no idea how to get rid of him."

"Gotcha," Billionaire Man nodded.

"I'm starting to see why you're so willing to let us join your group," Gaz remarked.

"Yeah our membership kind of declined after the last big Superhero Fight a few months ago," Baseball Man scratched his head looking embarrassed. "We kind of lost a few guys that day and just haven't been able to find anyone to replace them."

"We still have Squid Man," Billionaire Man interrupted.

"That jerk never does anything!" Marvel Mom snapped. "All he does is hang out in his underwater bachelor pad or at the beach picking up bimbos! The last thing he saved was a space for his date at a Tiki Bar on Ladies' Night!"

BRRANG! BRRANNG!

"It's the Hero Alarm!" Billionaire Man shouted. He pushed a button on the wall and a giant screen filled the room.

"Good Guy League! Thank heavens!" A gray haired general with a mustache appeared. "We have a problem! Doctor Demented and his Naughty Nurses have attacked the World Medical Conference building! Something about protesting the latest changes in the Health Care Bill!"

"Doctor Demented! By the Lost Lehman Brothers we have to do something!" Billionaire Man gasped.

"And those Naughty Nurses are really naughty!" Marvel Mom nodded. "Not to mention they aren't exactly very good examples of the health care profession."

"Looks like we got our new members just in time," Billionaire Man went to a closet and pulled out some huge weapons. "You Junior Members take these highly powerful and dangerous experimental lasers and infiltrate the World Medical Conference Building in the back while we recklessly attack Doctor Demented in the front!"

"Gee letting kids run around unsupervised into dangerous situations with weapons," Gaz quipped as she took a weapon. "**That** sounds familiar!"

"Yeah this place is almost exactly like our Earth," Dib rolled his eyes.

Three days later…

"You know I gotta admit, this isn't as bad as I thought it was going to be," Gaz said as she sipped a large soda on a comfortable couch in the Good Guy League Headquarters.

"Yeah we're already famous!" Dib smiled as he watched TV. "Look we're on TV again!"

"In superhero news the newest members of the Good Guy League are at it again," A Newscaster spoke. "This time a daring robbery by the heinous villain Chuckles the Clown was thwarted by Zim and his InvaderZ! That's InvaderZ with a capital Z!"

"Wait a minute!" Dib snapped as footage of Gaz, Dib and Zim beating up a clown were shown. "Who said you were our leader?"

"Hello! Superior alien intelligence here!" Zim pointed to himself.

"Where? All I see is **you,"** Gaz quipped.

"Good one, Gaz," Dib snickered.

"Yes these new heroes are just what the Junior Good Guy League needs!" The announcer said cheerfully.

"I agree Chet," A peppy anchorwoman sitting next to him spoke. "At least they're not just some idiot who only turns into water!"

"WHAT WOULD YOU KNOW?" Yan screamed at the TV. He had also been listening in and stormed out in a huff. His siblings followed him. Yin gave the team a dirty look.

"In related news it has been officially confirmed that Bird Boy is a full-fledged adult and has been dodging taxes for years," A shot of Bird Boy and Baseball Man running out of a courthouse chased by reporters was seen. "As of which he is no longer eligible as a member of the Junior Good Guy League. It has also been confirmed by an outside source that Bird Boy has been having an affair with Baseball Man for several years."

"All right which one of you kicked Bird Brain out of the closet?" Gaz asked.

"It wasn't **you**?" Dib blinked.

"Nope," Gaz shook her head. They both looked at Zim.

"Like Zim has anything better to do than tattle on the personal life styles of other people," Zim rolled his eyes.

"Well if it wasn't you and if it wasn't Gaz and it certainly wasn't **me**…" Dib thought.

"All right which one of you is responsible for **this?**" Marvel Mom walked in carrying Gir. "Who programmed him to leak classified information to the media?"

"Gir? Well there's a shock," Gaz raised an eyebrow.

"Yeah I have trouble getting Gir to give me a soda," Zim remarked. "How did anyone get him to retrieve personal information?"

"They give me tacos!" Gir burped cheerfully. "Tacos!"

"Oh that'd do it," Zim realized.

"Those reporters are always trying to find out things about our personal lives!" Marvel Mom put Gir down. "Zim try to reprogram this thing will you? Oh and while you are at it, you kids need to clean up this room!"

"But it's not dirty," Gaz said. It really wasn't.

"And we'd like it to **stay** that way," Marvel Mom smirked. "And Gaz please put on something a little more cheerful. You are representing our organization and you need to wear something happy."

"How about a noose?" Gaz said. "Because I'd sooner wear **that **than the pink monstrosity you want me to put on!"

"Just do it," Marvel Mom grumbled. "You know you have to do as I say because I'm the adult here and you're just a child."

"Well that's a stupid rule," Gaz remarked.

"I swear not even my own kids back talk me as much as you do!" Marvel Mom gave her a look.

"Then why aren't you with **them **instead of bothering me?" Gaz asked.

"Because I need some me time!" Marvel Mom snapped.

"Me time? You spend five minutes giving orders to your kids on the phone and then spend the rest of your day watching TV or shopping!" Gaz snapped. "Yeah you're Mother of the Year!"

"And you are a little…" Marvel Mom snarled, her eyes turning bloodshot and red.

"I'll clean up!" Dib said quickly. He grabbed a nearby broom and started sweeping. "Here I go! Sweep! Sweep! Sweep! Happy to do what I'm told!"

"Oh Dib how sweet of you," Marvel Mom went back to her normal peppy self. She glared at Gaz. "At least **one** of you knows how to behave! Just clean the room and we'll discuss your punishment for back talking later Gaz!"

"**That** I could live without," Gaz grumbled as Marvel Mom left the room. "That woman is a freaking tyrant! And the other adults…If I wanted to be ordered around by idiots I'd have never left home!"

"It's not that bad Gaz," Dib said.

"Yes it is," Gaz grumbled. "The minute we joined this outfit those adults have been telling us what to do. 'Sit up straight Gaz!' 'Smile Gaz!' 'Do homework instead of playing video games Gaz!' 'Be polite Gaz! Stop beating up the Triplets!' 'Stop setting fire to my makeup!' I tell you if it wasn't for the cash I'd have already blown this pop stand!"

"Well I just don't want to blow **this,"** Dib said. "I like this place and I want to stay here a long time. But we have to be careful! You know my track record when things go good for me!"

"All too well," Zim sipped on his soda.

"It almost never lasts! Something always goes wrong! But not this time! This time I am not gonna say anything or do anything to mess up our good luck and I mean it!" Dib said.

"Speaking of messing up where's Keef?" Gaz blinked.

"Oh I sent him and Timmy down into the basement with a lot of bubble gum to look for blue rats," Zim waved. "That should keep them out of our hair for about a week."

"Good thinking," Dib nodded. "You know how Keef has a tendency to blurt things out. As long as we all keep our mouths shut and don't mention our horrible pasts and all the things we did everything will be fine!"

"What horrible past?" Yin had walked up to them with her siblings.

"What things did you **do**?" Yan narrowed his eyes.

"And why are you so worried about things going wrong for you if you're a good guy?" Yo blinked.

"Well that's because uh…." Dib wracked his brain. "I lived in an orphanage…And you know? The life of the orphan. How hard it can be with no parents to tell you right from wrong. All that sort of stuff."

"Well didn't the people who ran the orphanage do that?" Yin asked.

"And I thought you had a father who was a scientist and was still alive?" Yo asked.

"Actually…." Dib gulped.

"Dad disappeared into some wormhole because of his stupid inventions and we had to move to an orphanage whose headmistress drank," Gaz covered. "A lot."

"And she ran a gambling ring under the table," Dib added. "And she made us steal!"

"Kind of like Fagan in Oliver without the stupid songs," Gaz added.

"And if we didn't do what she said she would beat us and throw us in a big metal box!" Dib added.

"Well she beat Dib," Gaz shrugged. "She liked me. Made me her secretary."

"Yeah Gaz was the favorite, **big surprise**," Dib gave her a look.

"Until one day I Zim found them and liberated them!" Zim said. "I used my trusty laser and obliterated their headmistress into a million atomic molecules…"

"WHAT?" Yo's eyes widened.

"And then he reconfigured them to turn her into an outstanding citizen who then turned herself into the cops," Gaz said quickly. "And then Zim took us into his ship so we could find our Dad."

"Why? I thought you hated…?" Zim began. Gaz kicked him off the sofa. "OW! I mean yes! I Zim took the children into my spaceship to help find their father."

"Oh…" Yan blinked. "Well I guess that story is plausible."

"I guess that does explain that cryptic sentence," Yin said.

"Not to mention Gaz's attitude," Yo remarked. "Come on, we're needed in the war room." The triplets left.

"That was close," Dib let out a breath.

"Too close," Gaz grumbled as she got off the couch. "You're right Dib, you need all the help you can get with this! We've got a pretty good thing going here. The people here may be annoying dweebs but they're gullible enough to give us free food and weapons. From now on you two let me do the talking as much as possible."

They entered the war room and sat at a huge circular table. Captain Courageous called the meeting to order. "Thank you all for coming. Two quick announcements before we get started. Bird Boy has now changed his name to Bird Man, thanks to the impending lawsuit. And he has now left the league thanks to all the…unwanted attention…"

"WAAAAHHHHH!" Baseball Man wailed.

"What happened to him?" Dib pointed.

"Bird Man met some cute lawyer at the deposition and he and Baseball Man got into a fight over commitment issues," Marvel Mom explained.

"I CAN'T BELIEVE HE LEFT ME!" Baseball Man wailed.

"Oh don't cry to me, Casey!" Billionaire Man shouted. "You should have made it official and put it on your W2 forms years ago like I told you!"

"Oh shut up Steve!" Baseball Man shouted. "This from Mister I've Got a Different Female Reporter in Every City!"

"Not every city!" Billionaire Man snapped. "I don't have one in Cleveland! Or Shreveport, or…"

"Oh shut up!" Marvel Mom snapped. "The last thing we all want to hear is your many, many conquests and swinging single lifestyle!"

"Would you rather we talk about your five ex-husbands?" Billionaire Man snapped.

"There's only four and you know it!" Marvel Mom snapped. "That second one doesn't count because he was already legally married to some Martian Space Princess! And this topic of conversation is not appropriate for children!"

"Don't mind us," Gaz remarked. "We're enjoying it!"

"You should hang around here when Thanksgiving comes," Yin moaned. "That's always **fun!"**

"Moving on! Oh and one more thing," Captain Courageous looked at a piece of paper as it came out of a futuristic fax machine. "Oh dear…Somehow the reporters who broke the story also discovered Baseball Man's secret identity as Casey O'Baseball and are stalking his apartment."

Everyone looked at Gir. "They gave me tacos!" Gir chirped.

"How did you even…?" Dib began.

"Dib trust me, you don't want to **know** these things," Zim sighed. "Remind me to fix you later Gir."

"Preferably with a huge metal baseball bat!" Baseball Man shouted. "I know where you can get a dozen of them!"

"Let's move on please," Captain Courageous groaned. A picture came on a large TV screen of a familiar figure. "Mephisto the Malevolent hasn't been seen in over a week but we know he is planning something dastardly."

"Hey I know that guy!" Gir pointed.

"SHHH!" Dib sensing doom, covered Gir's mouth with his hand. "So this is a bad guy?"

"Oh yes the worst of the worst," Billionaire Man nodded. "He's been our arch enemy since the beginning!"

"Is that right?" Gaz raised an eyebrow.

"He's the reason we founded this organization," Billionaire Man nodded. "Well that and to make a ton of cash on licensing fees. He's our biggest selling villain in the toy selection of our Good Guy League Catalog!" He opened up the catalog.

"Wow he's got a lot of stuff modeled after him," Dib blinked. "I think the Mephisto Night Light is a bit overkill."

"Yeah but the collectors really go for it," Billionaire Man nodded. "Anyway we need to find this guy."

"Before he does something evil and enslaves the world?" Dib asked.

"Worse, he's my lousy ex-husband," Marvel Mom grumbled. "And he's a week late on child support payments!"

"Well he's gonna be later because we killed that guy," Zim nodded.

"Blew him all up!" Gir said cheerfully.

"YOU DID WHAT?" Everyone in the Good Guy League yelled.

"How could you kill him?" Billionaire Man yelled.

"It was surprisingly easy," Zim shrugged.

"WHAT? WHEN?" Baseball Man yelled.

"A couple dimensions back we found this jerk trying to siphon some ultimate magic power so he could enslave the universe or something," Zim waved. "He took a shot at us. We shot him up and threw his body into lava!"

"Well maybe he's not dead?" Marvel Mom said hopefully. "He was wearing lava retardant underwear."

"Didn't work as well as he thought it would," Zim explained.

"Oh," Marvel Mom frowned.

"Plus we shot him repeatedly in the head until he died so…" Zim began. He was cut off by a loud uproar from the heroes.

"YOU MURDERED MEPHISTO? YOU MURDERED MY EX HUSBAND!" Marvel Mom shouted.

"HE WAS THE BIGGEST CASH COW VILLIAN THIS GROUP HAS EVER HAD!" Billionaire Man yelled.

"HE OWED ME FIFTY BUCKS!" Baseball Man yelled.

"HE WAS MY FATHER!" Captain Courageous howled dramatically.

"WHAT?" Dib yelled.

"That information would have been very helpful to know **before** Zim opened his big mouth!" Gaz glared at Zim. "I told you I was going to do the talking!"

"You did? I wasn't listening," Zim blinked.

"Another shock..." Dib said sarcastically.

"HE WAS MY FATHER!" Captain Courageous howled again.

"Well he obviously wasn't a very good one!" Zim snapped. "You should be glad! We did you a favor!"

"Favor? You murdered the father of my children…Well two of my children and you think you did us a favor?" Marvel Mom yelled.

"Seriously? Didn't you divorce the guy because he was so rotten to you?" Zim asked.

"He was still paying child support!" Marvel Mom snapped. "AKA supporting **me!** Great! Now I'm going to have to get a real job! Thanks a lot kids!"

"But he was **a bad guy**!" Dib shouted. "He was going to blow you all up and enslave the universe! Well your universe…"

"True but that's no reason to take his life!" Captain Courageous snapped.

"Uh yeah it kind of is," Dib blinked.

"No, it's isn't," Captain Courageous folded his arms.

"Yeah it is," Dib said.

"Gotta agree with the Dib here," Zim said. "That does sound like a good reason to kill someone."

"Yeah and he comes from a planet where his leaders used to shoot people out of a cannon for just being short," Dib pointed to Zim.

"Exactly. So I think we would know an actual reason to kill someone if we saw it," Zim nodded.

"You aren't real heroes! Real heroes do not inflict pain on others! Let alone **death!"** Baseball Man shouted.

"Oh come on! You guys had no problem with us whacking that loser with our spaceship!" Gaz said. "You even said he deserved it!"

"Yeah, but you didn't kill him," Marvel Mom said.

"Uh actually we just got a message on our answering service," Yin spoke up. "Looks like Dark Dan died because of his injuries so…"

"You killed **another **one?" Billionaire Man yelled. "What are you trying to do kids? Put us out of business?"

"What do you mean?" Dib blinked.

"Look, let me explain to you how this whole hero thing works," Billionaire Man sighed. "The bad guys do something evil. We, the heroes stop the bad guys. Bad guys go to jail or run away. We heroes get praised and all kinds of freebies get thrown our way. Yada, yada, yada until the bad guys do something bad again and the whole cycle continues! It's like the Circle of Life only a tad more violent."

"And profitable," Marvel Mom added. "Don't forget profitable."

"Oh yeah profitable," Billionaire Man nodded.

"Well that's just **stupid!**" Zim grunted.

"Really stupid!" Dib agreed. "I mean there are always going to be villians."

"Well yes but the majority of them don't have that…sense of style…" Billionaire Man thought. "That joie de vive that makes them…"

"Marketable," Marvel Mom added.

"Exactly marketable," Billionaire Man. "I mean we just can't make any Robbie Robber or Suzie Assassin a super villain now can we? It just doesn't work."

"And don't get me started on the child killers and rapists," Marvel Mom nodded. "This isn't cable TV."

"Exactly! You want evil just not disgustingly evil," Baseball Man nodded.

"And to be a hero you have to let the bad guy live. I mean, it's common sense!" Billionaire Man said.

"Wait since they killed some bad guys…That means they're not really heroes!" Yin said. "I KNEW IT!"

"Hold on! Don't you think you're jumping the gun here?" Dib gulped.

"They're not heroes! They are not heroes!" Baseball Man shouted.

"Technically no but wait the people they killed were bad guys and they are children…And since villains usually aren't children and don't kill bad guys…" Captain Courageous blinked. "Now I'm confused."

"I still say we should run them out of town!" Yan snapped.

"Now who could have seen **this** coming?" Gaz asked sarcastically.

"Okay so we killed a couple of bad guys who were going to wreck the Earth anyway!" Dib said. "That doesn't mean we're bad! It only means we kill bad guys! It's not like we're insane destructive maniacs who inflict damage on the innocent!"

SPARKLE!

Several familiar colorful creatures appeared in the war room. "Good Guy League! We really need your help!" Fun Fuzzy Frog moaned. His head was bandaged. "Friends are people you ask for help!"

"And boy do we need it!" A pink elephant with a black eye moaned.

"Good timing," Gaz looked up at the universe who decided to inflict some pain on them.

"Oh crap…" Zim winced. "These losers **again?" **

"You uh, know these guys?" Dib gulped.

"Of course we know them!" Yin snapped. "The Cuddle Critters are friends!"

"They have been teaching the children of Earth kindness, happiness and respect for adults and authority for decades," Captain Courageous nodded.

"That explains a lot," Gaz groaned.

"YOU!" The Cuddle Critters screamed in terror.

"Oh crap…" Gaz grumbled. "Now why am I not surprised **this** happened?"

"These are the guys that destroyed Conceritopia and stole our stuff!" Cuddly Kitty Kat snarled as she pointed her good arm at them. The other one was in a sling.

"WHAT?" All the heroes of the planet yelled.

"I should have known this was too good to last," Dib moaned.

"Here we go…" Gaz sighed as she pulled out her blaster. "Gir, go warm up the Doom Ship. Minimoose…"

"SQUEAK!" Minimoose fired up his antlers.

"YAY! WE'RE GONNA BLOW EVERYTHING UP!" Gir cheered.

Ten minutes later…

BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!

"Wow you can see the explosion from here!" Gir chirped happily as the Doom Ship left the alternate Earth's orbit. "That is one big mushroom cloud."

"Still want to be a hero Dib?" Gaz quipped. She was looking at several items she stole from the Good Guy League.

"I hate my life…" Dib grumbled.

"Since I'm now stuck to it, I'm not that big a fan of your life either!" Zim snapped as he flew the Doom Ship.

"Can we get back to our own dimension now?" Dib asked. "At least in that universe killing bad guys makes sense! Even though technically we are bad guys in that universe too…And this one…"

"And in the other ones we went to," Gir added.

"Well actually there was **one** good thing about this dimension," Zim smirked.

"What do you mean?" Dib blinked.

"Take a look around," Gaz said. "Notice anything **missing?**"

Back on the alternate Earth…

"I can't believe those children were really bad guys," Marvel Mom was stunned as she vacuumed what was left of the room. "I mean I've heard of bad children but not this bad!"

"We should have known," Yo grumbled as he looked at a huge hole where a wall was. "I mean their names were InvaderZ for crying out loud! That wasn't a clue for you?"

"Wish the Cuddle Critters told us this before all this happened," Marvel Mom groaned. "And more importantly I wish they stayed to help us clean up this mess!"

"I **knew** there was something about those creeps I couldn't trust!" Yin snapped.

"The back talking sassy mouth on that girl should have been the first clue!" Marvel Mom fumed. "I should have known! No good child ever talks back to an adult like that!"

"Personally though you gotta admire the girl for speaking her mind," Yo whispered to his siblings.

"What did you say?" Marvel Mom whirled on him.

"I said personally you should have really kicked that girl in the behind," Yo covered.

"Don't say behind sweetie," Marvel Mom admonished. "And yes I should have."

"They ruined my life!" Baseball Man wailed.

"To be fair you didn't have much of a life before this," Billionaire Man remarked. "The problem is those hellions killed off our two biggest villains! And with those guys gone our organization is history!"

"What do you mean?" Baseball Man sniffed.

"No villains for us to fight, means no League means no merchandise!" Billionaire Man snapped. "Meaning no money!"

"You're right! Whoever heard of a league of heroes without a major villain to fight?" Captain Courageous gasped.

"Well there are always natural disasters," Yan said.

"No, we signed off on those and gave them to the Earth Alliance, remember?" Yo said.

"Oh right, that's their territory," Yan frowned.

"Terrorists?" Captain Courageous asked.

"NCIS: CSI: IRS: FBI: SUV," Marvel Mom said. "Or something like that. I can never remember that name correctly. Too many acronyms."

"Ordinary criminals like bank robbers?" Baseball Man asked.

"Same as above," Marvel Mom told him.

"Basically we signed away our rights to anybody or anything except for major villains," Billionaire Man said. "Honestly I thought it was a time saving move."

"Yeah it will take no time at all for us to go into bankruptcy!" Baseball Man snapped.

"Who do we have left?" Marvel Mom asked.

"Uh…There's Doctor Demented, Rabid Rabbit and Mittens the Evil Cat," Baseball Man checked the roster on a computer. "Oh wait Rabid Rabbit died. He was run over by a car. And Mittens was recently declawed so…"

"Well there's still Doctor Demented!" Marvel Mom said. "And his Naughty Nurses!"

"Doctor Demented is still in a coma! Remember?" Yin snapped.

"Oh yeah, those maniacs really did a number on him," Marvel Mom shuddered. "What that Gaz did with a bedpan was very unsanitary!"

"And the Naughty Nurses took off to find jobs in the hair care industry," Yan said. "The few that weren't horribly maimed."

"Again...That should have been a clue to us about those evil children," Marvel Mom groaned.

"So basically all we have left is a guy in a coma, a couple of dead guys and a declawed cat?" Billionaire Man moaned. "Great! That will make a fun children's cartoon! We're ruined!"

"Well at least those maniacs are gone and won't be causing us any more trouble," Baseball Man sighed.

BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!

SPLAT!

A huge wave of gooey pink splattered all over them. "Is this…gum in my hair?" Marvel Mom blinked.

"THERE'S GUM IN MY HAIR! MY BEAUTIFUL BEAUTIFUL HAIR!" Billionaire Man screamed like a little girl.

"Wow that was fun!" Keef ran up laughing. Timmy was right behind him. "We made the gum explode!"

Everyone glared at Keef. "Look everyone…I think we have **one** villain left!" Yin snarled.

"Yeah…Maybe Dib had a point about killing _some_ villains?" Yan punched his fist into his open palm.

"GET HIM!" Captain Courageous shouted.

"Huh?" Keef blinked as the heroes bore down on him.

Let's just say we won't be hearing about this alternate Keef for quite a long time.

Back on the Doom Ship…

"And that's the end of that," Zim smirked. "No more Keef. Well technically he was a different Keef than our Keef but still…"

"How much you want to bet that we'll just run into a couple more Keefs down the road?" The Computer groaned. "So where to next?"

"We could always go to the dimension of the singing fleas?" Zim thought. "Or the dimension where everything is purple? Oh, we could go to the dimension where the characters of Sex and the City are real and…"

"NO!" Everyone else shouted.

"That's it! I'm taking over **now!**" Gaz shoved Zim of the chair and worked on the controls. "This stupidity has gone on long enough! Computer get us back to our own dimension now and step on it!"

"Okay…" The Computer gulped.

"Hey you said you couldn't do that before!" Zim protested.

"That's because Gaz didn't threaten me before!" The Computer told him. "Engaging hyperdrive now!"

ZOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!

FLASH!

"So, are we back?" Dib looked around at the space.

"I dunno, space all looks alike to me," Zim nodded. "Oh look there's a small armada of space ships coming this way."

"We're being hailed," The Computer said.

"Zim you hog swinkle dog lunkey!" Sgt. H 678 screamed on screen. "We've got you now!"

"You're gonna pay for all the pain and suffering you caused us Zim!" Bob shouted. "PAY BIG TIME!"

Another shot was on screen. "I shall have my revenge!" Madness the intelligent Chihuahua screamed. "By blowing you to oblivion!"

"Get in line!" Oog-Ahh the Planet Jacker came on screen. "We Planet Jackers have first dibs! I break you Zim! I break you real good!"

"Not if I break them **first!**" The blue ninja girl from Aurora shouted. "You have sullied the honor of my clan and stole what was rightfully mine!"

"Now just settle down now," Deputy Fife came on. "We all want the same thing. I'm sure if we all work together we can accomplish our goal."

"And I'm sure if you just shut up and let us destroy Zim and his friends we'd get our money a lot sooner!" Sgt. H 678 snapped.

"The pleasure of blowing up Zim is mine!" Oog-Ahh snapped. "Oh and the money too. We could use that."

"So could I!" Madness yelled.

"Rarr! Rarr! Rarr!" A familiar looking ham demon that once worked with Tak roared. By now the screen was looking like a demented version of the Brady Bunch opening credits.

"Oh yeah! Same to you buddy!" Bob shouted.

"What's with the ham demon?" Dib blinked.

"Remember when Tak first came to Earth and tried to conquer it?" Zim explained. "He was working with her and there was an incident. That's all I'm gonna say."

"That's all I want to **know,"** Dib said.

"Uh Computer…" Gaz said.

"Getting us the hell out of here," The Computer said.

"I want to blow up Zim! No we will! You and what army? The army of space ninjas behind me you jerk!" The aliens bickered among themselves.

"Wait, did we order this pummeling to go?" Madness realized something.

"No," Bob said.

"WELL THERE THEY GO!" Madness shouted.

"Okay let's all go after him and whoever blows up Zim and his gang first wins!" Sgt. H 678 shouted.

"That is good idea!" Oog-Ahh snapped. "AFTER THEM!"

"BLOW THEM ALL UP!" Bob screamed.

"RARRRR!" The Ham Demon roared.

"Yeah we're back in our dimension all right," Dib groaned as the huge fleet of ships chased them.

**Sorry to end this fic early, but I'm a tad low on inspiration for now and didn't want to drag it out. Don't worry, you will see more InvaderZ fics when my brain cells come back. **

Zim poked his head out. "Don't hold your breath on **that **one!"


End file.
